Hidden by the trees
by windsinger89
Summary: What do you do when everything you've ever known, everything you've ever thought, is telling you you can't love someone? What do you do when you can't help but love them anyway? AU medieval Olivia/Alex. Longer summary inside.
1. Prologue

Okay, so this will be an Alex/Olivia love story but it will be slow, the first few chapters are needed to set everything up. I've used the legend of Robin Hood as my framework, simply borrowing the characters and setting. Olivia is Robin Hood, Elliot is Little John ect ect... Later chapters will contain mature themes and sometimes triggering content so be forewarned. I will write individual warnings on chapters if people ask me in a PM or review to do so, if not read at your own discretion.

Basically it's an Olivia comforting Alex story and they fall in love along the way.

 **This is my first fanfiction submission so sorry if there are any formatting issues.**

 **I am English so any spellings will be British not American.**

 **All known characters belong to Dick Wolf.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

It was a bitterly cold night and the men were riding fast to escape the wind. The Sherriff of Nottingham was a young man with a sparse beard that barely covered his weak chin. Tall but thin he sat the highest in his saddle, bony shoulders hidden by a thick woollen cloak. He rode with his two companions, men he'd known since birth, who'd sworn to protect him. Friends themselves they decided, twenty years before, at the birth of the new sheriff that they would attach their fortunes to his. Always at his side they heaped him with praise and put down his enemies with a harsh boot. It was not then surprising that the young man grew to understand that his word was law, his word was always right and any who dared oppose him were better pulverised by the heel of his shoe.

They had been riding for hours, the sun setting slowly around them till they had only the stars and the thin sliver of moon to light their way. The message didn't reach him till early that morning but before the parchment had floated to the floor he was having his belongings packed and the horses readied. At the tender age of eleven, when as a boy he was only concerned with the burning of ants and the picking off of legs of any fly stupid enough to buzz too close, he was sent away to the borders of Wales. As is the custom for noble boys he was taught under the tutelage of another man, a man more interested in the bottom of his glass than of his new ward but all the same he learnt all he needed to learn to become his father's successor. He didn't bother to ask permission to leave when the news of his father's death reached him, just mounted his saddle and with his two loyal companions rode hard from the castle.

That is how the three men came to be riding through the forest in the dead of night. The Sherriff of Nottingham was dead, the new Sherriff was coming to home to claim what was his.

The men had ceased to talk miles before and the only noise in the stillness of the night was the creaking of their saddles and rustling of leaves. When a cry pieced the darkness, however, that stillness was shattered. Rearing the Sherriff's horse almost threw him from the saddle and after hitting the animal hard on its neck the young man twisted this way and that to find the source of the cries. Panicked and angry he dismounted, his cloak wrapping round his legs, and drew his sword to destroy that which had dared disrupt his journey. His companions made no move to stop him, one dismounting with him and drawing his own sword.

The two walked slowly forward, the continuing wail guiding their steps. In the roots of an oak they found the source of the noise. A buddle of cloth had been placed, wedged between the wood, and from it the face of baby emerged. Scrunched and red from crying it made a pitiful sight, abandoned by parents that either didn't want it just couldn't feed it. The companion stepped forward, raising his sword as he went to end quickly what the cold would take its time over, but the Sherriff stopped him. A pondering look was upon his face and his grey eyes seemed to shine; grey eyes that matched the baby's. He picked up the bundle and remounted his horse without saying a word, but the two men knew better than to question anything he did. They continued on their journey through the forest arriving just as the sun fed colour into the sky.

He told his new subjects that the baby was his, the product of some whore not worth remembering. He gave it to a nurse maid and cleared one wing of the castle, giving it over to the baby to grow and learn and become everything he wanted it to be. His servants would notice that over the years he would spends weeks alone in that wing of the castle, the child itself never allowed to leave, and when he emerged it would be as if he had gained a new life, the smile taking days to fade from his face.

It was twenty five years later that the child, a child no more, was seen again. Clothed in a breast plate of silver and black leather breeches he stood tall, with a broad sword hanging off his hip. The boots on his feet always shined, never seeming to catch any dust from the floor, and the leather of his gloves creaking every time he rolled his hands into fists. Though now allowed to leave the wing of castle his helmet never left his face and he never uttered a word to anyone, the rumour being that the Sherriff had removed his tongue. He became known by the wool that hung long off his shoulders, known only as the black cloak.


	2. Introductions

**Not much happens, still setting the scene.**

 **Characters belong to Dick Wolf.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia Benson drew the string back to the corner of her mouth, the wood under her palm stretching and bending to the force. An arrow fletched with grey feathers flew from the string to land high in a thin branch near the top of an oak tree. The thud as it hit the wood echoed in the surrounding forest.

'That was a lucky shot.'

She knocked anther arrow and taking aim hit the same branch. The arrows were close enough that their fletching's touched. She turned with a smile to the speaker, a black man with short coarse hair who was presently scowling at her smile.

'There's nothing lucky about my aim Finn. Perhaps if you bothered to pick up a bow you could learn how to shoot… not as well as me of course, but close.' She laughed, her browns eyes soft, as the scowl deepened on his face.

'I prefer to see a man when I kill him, look in his eyes.' It wasn't that he didn't approve of the English long bow but that born as he was in Holy lands he was more accustomed to the curved scimitar that was belted as his waist.

'I'd hate to ruin your lovely game' their observer chimed in, 'but you do realise you have to get those arrows back.' Olivia turned to the thin, grey haired friar and raised an eyebrow. Without a word she walked to the lower branches of the oak and hoisted herself into the air. As if Munch thought she couldn't climb a simple tree, as if she would waste her arrows. Life in the forest had made her body lean, muscles strong and defined under a skin bronzed from the sun. She reached for the branches above her head and used her bare feet to gain purchase on the bark. She never wore boots in the forest, didn't understand those who did. The feel of dirt under her toes, of bark and grass sticking to the hard skin of her heel; that to her was what life in the forest meant.

Finn looked up, shielding his eyes from the sun, watching as she rose steadily through the leaves, never once doubting her footing. They had meet three years before, out in the Holy land, when she was only twenty two. She was an archer for King Richard, he an assassin for Saladin. By pure chance and by whatever God controlled fate they'd meet in a tavern on the outskirts of Acre. Over their tankards they had revelled in the stories of war, for one night not caring that they sat on opposite sides of the battle field. Finn had confided in her, after ale had loosened his tongue, that he had no idea where he was going, only that he wanted to leave the sand and dust and blood of the holy wars. That was how, for some bizarre reason, an infidel came to be standing in the middle of Sherwood Forest.

Her feet hit the ground once more and she placed the two retrieved arrows in her quiver. She smiled at the two men, so different yet friends, before walking with them back their campsite, hidden amongst the trees.

Their home was built around the roots of a mighty Oak. As the forest floor sloped away in the natural decline of a hill the soil around the Oak's roots was slowly washed away. This left the tree balanced on the brink of a ledge, an overhang of dirt that formed a small hollow in the ground. It could be seen by any who were walking up the hill but not those who walking down. Seeing as a stream ran at the bottom and the road ran at the top it was the perfect place for a camp. Olivia had been living there for three years. After returning from the Holy land to find her home destroyed by the Sherriff of Nottingham she retreated into the forest, choosing to live off the land and act as a thorn in the Sherriff's side to ensure he never forgot his crimes. Finn decided to stay, to live with her, having to nowhere better to be and soon the knowledge of his skill with a dagger and curved sword were legend amongst the north. They had slowly built their home till it resembled somewhere that was perfectly acceptable to live. Brown sacking cloth was tied as an awning at the front of the hollow and the trees roots, hanging down from the ceiling, acted as hooks for their various pots. Sacks filled with straw were their beds, all lined side by side in the hollow and a small fire pit was dug at the entrance. It wasn't much to be fair, but it was their home.

'Is it ready yet? I could eat a horse.' Munch asked as he walked into the camp. A broad shouldered man, with short brown hair raised his head at the question. He was crouched over a cooking pot, balanced on the fire that was bubbling softly, the smell of rabbit stew filling the air.

'You're always hungry,' replied Elliot, 'Where do you even put it?'

'When you're as active as me my friend it's important to get the required nourishment.'

Finn and Olivia chuckled to themselves, as the two men continued to bicker. Walking was about as active as Much like to be and even then if anyone was going to complain it was him. Olivia unbuckled her quiver and unstrung her bow, placing them both at the side of the hollow. A small, thin blond was sleeping inside, wrapped in her cloak. The newest of their band, Olivia didn't quite trust the story she had given the rainy night she appeared, drenched to her skin, but quick to laugh and a skilled hand at medicine Amanda made a useful addition to their camp. Nudging her gently awake with her blackened foot Olivia strode back to fire just in time to receive a bowl of stew from Elliot. The five of them sat as the sun drifted to the horizon. The sky through the trees was filled with dashes of vermillion and amber and the birds were chirping softly amid the leaves. The wind was slightly cold but they were all use to it and talked and laughed and ate till the stars sat high in the sky. They made an unusual band, a royal archer, a Saracen assassin, a friar, a tall muscled man and a blond teenager, but friends they were and the forest was their home.


	3. Taxes

**Again not much happens in this chapter but I promise things are going to speed up soon.**

 **Known characters belong to Dick Wolf.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

'So this is the last village?'

'Yeah, I bloody well hope so, my feet are killing me, and I'm on night patrol tomorrow.'

'I told you not to piss off Ashford. He can be a mean bastard when he wants to,' said the smaller of the two men. Dressed in rough leather and with swords at their sides they stood guarding the back of a wooden cart. 'Me, on the other hand,' the smaller man continued rocking into his friend's shoulder, 'I've got myself a date with Madeline from the kitchens!' He laughed and with a calloused hand grabbed at his crotch.

'Is Madeline aware of this date?' teased his friend, a small smile playing around his lips, as he turned expecting to see a frown on the hopeful lover's face. Instead he felt his cheeks splashed with something warm as the smaller of the two men crumpled to the ground. Before he could make a noise, had even realised what had happened, an arrow hit in square in the chest and he keeled over on top of his companion, as if he were a puppet and his strings had just been cut.

Olivia crept forward, her back bent, low to the ground. The grass under her toes was dry and warm, the summer sun beating down on it all day, a sun that still hung low in the sky, refusing to give up on the light. She disliked having to kill the soldiers. Spilling blood of men no older than herself, often younger. She sometimes wished she could have the callousness of Finn, to kill and to think no more of it. Not to say that Finn was a callous, far from it, when he loved he loved wholly, but more that he could laugh and drink with a man in the day then slip a dagger between his ribs at night. It would be easier, she thought, if she could feel nothing, pretend that the hot sticky blood dribbling between her toes was nothing but the oil Munch carried, warmed between her fingers. She avoided their faces. Avoided the blue unseeing eyes of the younger man, and the rough stubble that darkened the jaw of his friend. She learnt a long time ago to never look too closely. A soft whistle, imitating the call of a sparrow, drew her from her hiding place and she rose to her full height, knocking an arrow as she went. Aiming over the cart she hit the first rider in the chest and then the second in the neck and they both fell from their horses to thud into the dirt at Amanda's feet. This was the first time Olivia had allowed her to come with them. Trusted her with the short sword at her side, with the money loaded in the cart. The villagers were nowhere to be seen, they knew better than to meddle in the affairs of Olivia Benson, knew that she was working for them. Finn came strolling round the corner, whistling a tune, not caring that he really couldn't whistle. He reached the cart the same time as Elliot and looked up at Olivia crouched on the wood.

'Two, by the northern end, both dead before they even knew I was there.'

'Only two,' Elliot replied with a boastful smile 'you're getting lazy my friend. I got all four that were over by the well.'

'So that's four by me,' Olivia interrupted before Finn could reply, 'two by Finn, four by Elliot and I'm assuming two by Amanda?'

Amanda shuffled her feet slightly and looked down at the ground. She didn't want to admit that she had only killed one, a young boy, only really there to keep note of who'd paid and how much. She never saw the other man, although she had looked not wanting to disappoint Olivia; not on her first raid. 'Only one.' she replied quietly still looking at the ground, 'the other man wasn't there, I looked all over for him but he must have disappeared on the road since the last time we counted.' Elliot gave her a small smile that she didn't see, trying to let her know that she didn't need to feel guilty but Olivia and Finn exchanged a worried glance.

'You sure there wasn't another man?'

'Yeah Finn, I looked all over the village, there was only the one at the eastern side.'

'Okay don't worry, it's like you said, he must have left the company before they arrived.' Olivia responded, although she still looked slightly troubled. 'The three of you know where you're going?' They all nodded 'Right, so from my count it makes two bags each, two villages each. Divide the money equally among the villages and don't take any shit from any of them. Be back here before midnight.' Finn, Elliot and Amanda didn't say a word, just took the money sacks from Olivia and mounted the abandoned horses of the guards. 'Oh and if you do happen to see our missing guard,' Olivia called after them, 'kill him.' They all just nodded with grim expressions and as they were riding away the villagers started to emerge from their houses.

'Eleven men,' a short but muscled man exclaimed, 'the Sheriff's not going to be happy about this.' Although some of the others looked worried his face mirrored the smile of Olivia.

'I don't give a rat's arse what makes the Sheriff happy Richard,' Olivia replied with a laugh, jumping down from the now empty cart, 'Besides, if he only deployed eleven men to guard his taxes he's almost asking to be robbed, he makes it so easy.' Richard laughed along with her and slapped a hand on her back as a red haired woman emerged from the largest house at the edge of the village.

'Olivia, where the fuck have you been! You said you'd be back before May day, its fucking July' Though normally the sight of a Lady cursing would have shocked even the most foul mouthed of drunkards the villagers were used to the language of the lady in question; not even a stint at an Abbey preventing the profanity. Olivia just smiled at her green eyed friend and picked her up round the waist spinning her in circles.

'I've had stuff to do, people to see, you forgive me right?'

Casey frowned but the puppy dog look on Olivia's face was enough to force a smile, she never could stay mad at her friend for long. With a temperament that matched her hair Casey was used to getting her way, but where that would have turned some into spoiled brats it only created a force of will in Casey that not many wanted to fight. She cared for the villagers under her father's command and with Olivia helped distribute the money Olivia held back, only just collected, out amongst those who needed it most. The smell of fresh blood, heavy and coppery had slowly filled the air so the two women turned and walked back towards Casey's house.

'So what have you been doing since I've been gone?'

'Not much. Father and I went to the May Day celebrations over in York. He has it in mind that I'm to marry a young Lord over there.' Olivia laughed knowing what Casey thought of marriage and of the continuing argument between her and her father as suitor after suitor was turned away.

'Olivia he barely even came up to my shoulder!' Olivia laughed harder and put an arm round Casey's waist as they sauntered over to her house.

'I really think it is the nunnery for you then.' She said to her friend. Casey frowned and made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat. Her father had sent her to a nunnery after the sixth suitor had been turned away but she raised such hell that she was only there for two months before he brought her back, despairing that he'd ever be able to control his wayward daughter.

'You'll stay the night.' Olivia made a face and opened her mouth to decline but before she could utter a word Casey started talking again, 'You have to wait near here for the others anyway, and it's been ages since I've seen you. You have to stay I won't allow you to leave.' Olivia smiled at her friend's persistence and although she still had slight misgivings at staying in the place where she had killed so many of the Sheriff's soldiers she agreed, for her friend's sake, that one night couldn't hurt.


	4. Surrounded

**All know characters belong to Dick Wolf**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review**

The sky was blanketed by clouds as Olivia waited by the manor house door. She and Casey had stayed up talking till late, long after Casey's father had retired, but when the red head almost fell asleep in her wine Olivia all but ordered her to bed. Amanda and Elliot had returned not soon after, their money distributed amongst the surrounding villages. Elliot was happy to sleep in a proper bed, if only for one night, and went straight up the stairs with a heavy tread Olivia was sure would wake the whole house. Amanda expressed concern for Munch, left alone in the forest, but Olivia assured her that he knew Casey and would half be expecting not to see them till tomorrow morning. Amanda, though not entirely convinced, was bone tired and let her heavy limbs carry her to the kitchen where a pallet had been laid for her in front of the fire; for though the biggest house in the village the manor still only contained three rooms.

Finn had yet to return, and so Olivia was waiting in the door frame, one cold hand rubbing the rough wood, breath streaming in the cold. She wasn't worried, she knew Finn knew what he was doing and that he would return when he was good and ready. Her trust was soon reward for in the still night air the sound of hoof beats could be heard. Wrapped tightly in his cloak Finn came trotting round the corner before dismounting and leading his horse to the stables behind the house.

'Aldershot gave me some bother, but took the money in the end.' He said when he returned, pushing past Olivia and into the relative warmth of the house.

'Bother? We were giving them their taxes back, giving them money to feed their children, no one's ever been bothered by that before.' Olivia answered slightly surprised and though she wouldn't admit it, angry at the village's ingratitude.

'They said that a Sheriff's man had been there not the week before. Told them that any who fraternised with criminals, in any way, would be treated as conspirators and taken to the castle for just punishment. They're scared Liv.'

'All they have to do is hide the money better and deny that we were ever there.'

'This is the fifth time we've done this, this year. The Sheriff must be getting low on funds by now and more angry because of it, maybe we should lay low, just till things settle a bit.'

Olivia understood Finn's concern, even agreed with bits of it, but her heart couldn't let her stop, not simply for their sake. It didn't matter the danger to them, they all accepted it as part of the job, but if people couldn't eat, couldn't care for their families because the crown was bleeding them dry, she couldn't just sit round and watch.

'Maybe,' she said in an unsure way, 'if things get worse and people are really scared then maybe we can pull back a little; but not now.'

Finn only nodded, he'd said his bit and it was up to Liv whether she agreed with it or not. He made his way quickly up the stairs, hours in the saddle not seeming to affect his legs, and into the room he was sharing with Elliot hoping the large man hadn't stolen all of the blankets. Liv followed him, though not before giving one more look at the sky and bolting the door behind her. Casey was curled in to a ball in the middle of the bed and Liv smiled to herself as she removed her green tunic and slipped in just her breeches between the sheets, Casey's perfume surrounding her.

* * *

A scream tore at the night. Olivia woke fast, use to sleeping lightly in the forest, but Casey emerged bleary eyed and confused from the sheets.

'What's going on, is someone screaming?' Before Olivia could answer Elliot came barrelling into the room, bare chest panting from panic.

'Soldiers! Surrounding the house.'

Casey still looked confused, as if she'd forgotten she was harbouring fugitives, but Olivia sprung from the mattress and threw her tunic back over her head. She went quickly to the window, as Casey left the room searching for her father. Black silhouetted soldiers stood in a circle around the house and one carried a burning brand, the fire illuminating his expressionless face. Liv and Elliot watched as Casey and her father emerged from the house, and started speaking to a tall figure atop a horse. They couldn't hear what was said, or see their faces in the dark but when two soldiers came and took them by the arms and dragged them away from the house they concluded it must not have been good.

'You're sure they've got the whole place surrounded?'

'Amanda saw them first, said she'd woken up for a drink of water and saw them creeping forward from the kitchen window. She was the one who screamed and came straight up to tell me a Finn. I came through to get you.'

Olivia nodded, as Finn and Amanda entered the room, carrying every one's weapons. She felt better with the weight of her short sword at the hip and the feel of her bow under her palm.

'At my count, I'd say there are about twenty. Five each, easy enough for us.' Finn said, an almost bored look on his face, as if he couldn't really be bothered with the hassle of escaping. Amanda nodded, eager to prove her worth and ability, especially since one of the men she'd spotted from the window was the one she was supposed to have killed in the raid.

Olivia sighed softly, she knew that staying wasn't a good idea, and now she was forced into a corner, made to kill to get out. But her mouth set in hard line all the same, and nodding at the others, she knocked an arrow to her bow.


	5. Escape

Casey stood, staring up at her house, as a cold wind raised goose bumps on her arms and stones dug in to the bare soles of her feet. Her father stood shivering beside her, though a woollen robe covered his nightgown. She had watched as he had argued with the soldiers, telling them that he didn't know what was going on; didn't know why they were there, but they barely listened. Gloved hands had dragged them away to stand shaking by the horses, tight enough to ring the bare skin of her arm in red. She was scared. Olivia always managed to escape, to get out of any situation and it wasn't that she didn't trust her, but that she knew that the past had no bearing on the future. Sure Olivia had escaped before but that was then. That was boy faced soldiers and drunk guards. That was in the middle of the forest that she knew better than anyone. That was without the Black Cloak. Though the night was cold she knew it wasn't the air that had made her shiver, but the sight of him, silent and menacing atop his jet black stallion. She'd heard the tales- everyone had- of how he killed without mercy, killed anyone who got in his way, never spoke and never took off his helmet. Son to the Sheriff and brought to the castle in the dead of night, as the rumour went, he was kept apart from birth, not allowed to play with the other children. The best knight in the north but with none of the morals. No one could match him for speed or skill. He was the nightmare that parents used to frighten their children into behaving.

She stopped staring at his tall form only when a soldier fell to the ground. It took her a moment to understand what had happened but when the second arrow hit another soldier, who fell dead like the first, she knew that Olivia had started to fight back.

* * *

Finn had gone with Amanda to run from the house at the back and the sound of their fighting, steel striking steel, floated up through the floor. Elliot was waiting downstairs for the soldiers out front to be focused so intently on the window from which she was shooting that they wouldn't see him approach until it was too late. She'd hit two that she'd seen, in the neck between their chainmail and helmets. She quickly knocked another arrow, any fear she might have been feeling washed away at the adrenalin of the fight. Her back was pressed to the wall beside the window and she used her legs to propel her away and turn to fire again. The trick was not to aim. To pull the string back to the corner of your mouth and trust that the arrow would go where you willed it. She'd learnt this almost before she could walk and she'd tried to teach Finn but he simply thought too much about what he was doing, instead of doing it. The arrow hit home but the soldiers were becoming wary, using their shields and crouching low to avoid her. She'd only managed to hit an arm she thought with a grimace. One more left to kill.

Screams started to drift through the window and she knew that Elliot had run from the house and was fighting with a broad sword taller than she was. It was eight against one- though one was wounded- and she knew that as good a fighter as he was those odds were never good. Throwing her bow over her shoulder, the string resting between her breasts, she ran from the room, not knowing that in the fray the Black Cloak had entered the house.

He stood in the hall way, and she wondered briefly how she hadn't heard him on the stairs. His breast plate of silver seemed to shine though the light was dim, filtering from the open door ways that lined the corridor and his long cloak just brushed the backs of heels. The metal of his helmet allowed only his eyes to shine through and in one gloved fist he was holding a long steel sword, the head of a falcon set in the pommel with rubies for eyes. The noise of the fighting outside seemed to grow smaller to Olivia's ears, she could only hear the pumping of her blood as it rushed from her racing heart. He stood between her and the stairs and she knew she needed to get to Elliot but she was hesitant to attack. The blood red rubies seemed to glow from within and the sight to her back to the last time she had had the misfortune to set eyes on them.

* * *

 _It was a full moon with barely a cloud in the sky and the soft white glow lit the surrounding forest. She was running as fast as she could ever remember running, the soft dirt and twigs snapping under her toes but she knew it would never be quick enough. How could he be that fast covered in all that metal, she thought to herself, as her lungs gasped for air and she knew she couldn't keep up her pace. Her bow was over her shoulder, quiver at her side, but he was too close for her to turn and shoot so her only defence lay in the short sword hanging from her hip; the iron dull and heavy. With the footsteps behind her only growing closer she cut diagonally off the path and tried zigzagging through the trees, hoping that her knowledge of the forest would give her the edge she needed. They'd stopped a public execution over by the castle and the Black Cloak and the Sheriff's soldiers had given chase. She'd only heard the rumours about him, never saw him person, but up close he was just as ominous as she'd imagined. The scattered thorn bushes and low hanging branches didn't seem to be slowing him so running straight at an elm she turned at the last minute drawing her sword and faced him._

' _You just won't quit!' she said panting, holding her sword out at her side. His only response was to draw his own steel blade, the sound the only noise in the trees, as if the animals knew to be silent._

 _There was a moment of stillness, both waiting for the other to make a move, before he sprung forward and swung his sword in an upward arc towards her face. She barely had time to react and the clash of metal striking metal rang through the forest as she lifted her sword for block his strike. The steel was close enough that she could see her reflection shinning in the metal. He stepped back, paused then came at her again. She parried and threw some strikes of her own but couldn't seem to get close and with every attack she was driven backwards, forced on the defence._

' _They say he cut out your tongue?' she asked trying to distract him but he offered only silence in return. He barely seemed to be breathing while she was panting heavily and her arm was beginning to ache from the force of the blows. She could smell her sweat mixing with the damp odour of the moss that grew beneath the trees and branches had whipped at her face and arms drawing bloody lines in her skin._

' _Perhaps he cut off your balls as well?' she said not to be deterred, 'and that's why you don't make a sound; scared you'll squeak.'_

 _Her taunting was having no effect and it was all she could do to parry his blows, knowing that just one getting through would be enough to kill her. Walking backwards and focused on his blade so intently she barely noticed when her heels met bare air. The trees ended in a large steep drop, hanging on to the edge by their roots, which ended in the river, flowing fast and strong beneath them. She looked down, then back at the Black Cloak sword raised to offer the fatal blow before knowing the one path lead to death while the other only the risk of death. She let herself topple backwards and fell hard down the cliff, hitting roots and stones on her way down. The water was icy and the clear but freezing taste attacked her teeth as she swallowed a mouthful as she screamed. She got one last look at him, standing tall, staring at her, rubies of his sword glinting in the moonlight, before the current whisked her away._

* * *

She was shaken awake from her reprieve when he took a step forward and raised his sword to strike. She quickly drew her own blade and thought that a blitz attack might be her only way to freedom, pushing one cold foot back to give her the leverage to spring forward. However, before she could act, before a single blow could be exchanged the sound of screaming and cracking could be heard. Unlike the screams of dying soldiers this noise was higher, sharper and belonged to Casey. Unknown to the two figures, as he was fighting Elliot killed a soldier holding the burning brand. As he fell, blood spraying the wall, the fire rolled away from him to rest in the grass, dried by the summer sun, and soon the bottom of the wooden house was ablaze, the flames cracking and spitting in the night.

The Black Cloak turned towards the noise but she herself didn't have to think, Casey was in trouble and any hesitation she might have had was gone. She pushed past him before he could react and rushed down the stairs almost falling in her haste, but it still wasn't quick enough. His boots thudded on the wood and somehow he managed to get between her and the door. The stones under her feet were warm and smoke was curling between the wood, sticking to the back of her throat. He raised his sword and this time he didn't pause, spring forward and aiming for her legs. They fought harder than before and she wasn't sure if it was the fire or the force of his blows that caused sweat to drip down into her eyes. Smoke was filling the whole room, choking her and the acid taste was making her gag but she couldn't spare a thought for what was happening beyond the end of his sword. Finally, just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, he turned and fled through the closed door and she was quick to follow, any thought of attacking his back overriden by the notion of clean air.

The sight that met their eyes was one of blood. Eight soldiers lay dead on the ground various limbs scattered between them but Olivia felt no joy for in amid the blood and bodies lay Elliot, one hand holding a gaping wound on his thigh together. She wanted to go to him, to help stop the bleeding but the Black Cloak was still alive and he couldn't be left that way. She turned expecting him to be beside her but in her shock at seeing Elliot he had slipped away, knowing the fight was lost. He ran to his horse, scaring the others to such an extent that they all scattered in different directions, a mass of hoof beats. With one hand he threw Casey's father to the ground before grabbing her round the waist and pulling her up into his saddle. She was screaming and cursing and trying to fight but his grip was too strong and before Olivia could take one step he was galloping away in to the night, red hair streaming behind him.


	6. Resuce

**If anyone's wondering Alex will appear soon, probably in the next chapter.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

'I can't do it'

'Henry, please I've never asked you for anything, no one will ever know it was you.'

'It won't exactly be hard to figure out Olivia when they see three empty barrels that were full the morning before. No! You know as well as anyone what they do to conspirators. I've got a family to think of.'

Olivia sighed and turned away in exasperation, bringing her hands to her head. They'd arrived back to the camp that night, exhausted and bringing with them the smell of smoke. Willard, Casey's father, had wanted nothing more to do with them, rightly blaming them for the destruction of his house and kidnapping of his daughter. Elliot's leg had been tightly bound and Amanda stitched the wound closed but he was still pale and it would be at least a week before the leg would bear his weight. Olivia was all for running straight to the castle, her anger and guilt at her friends capture weakening her sense of reason, but the others had cautioned her against it.

'We could never breach the castle, its walls are ten inches thick with armed guards at every door not to mention the moat.' Elliot yelled at her, trying to be heard over her burst of movement.

'Besides Casey's a Lady, they can't do anything to her, or the whole county would be in uproar.'

While his last words had been an attempt to comfort Olivia, they only served as a reminder of what could be happening to Casey as they spoke.

'You know as well as I do El that the Sheriff does what he wants, the county and King be dammed. If that dog of his wants her then he'll let him have her.' She was fighting tears as she spoke, still stuffing yet more arrows into her quiver. 'You want me to sit idly round while that happens. Just wait for them to rape her! Torture her!'

'They won't do that Liv...'

'But they could,' she screamed back, her breathing ragged. 'She's my friend El, I can't let anything happen to her.'

'No one's saying we should do nothing,' Finn interrupted seeing that Elliot was getting nowhere, 'but running straight off to the castle in the dead of night, when we're all still tired, won't help Casey. Wait till dawn Liv then I _promise_ we'll come up with a plan and get her back.'

* * *

The room was cold and Casey hugged her arms around herself, still only in her nightgown. The only furniture was a single chair, the stone walls rough and uncovered and the slim window let in the only light. Her bare feet beat on the floorboards as she paced up and down, the room allowing five steps before she was forced to turn. She was scared of what was going to happen, scared of what had happened to her father and her home. The Black Cloak had carried her through the castle and threw her in the room without a word, not caring for her kicking legs and hands punching his back. Not an overly patient person the waiting was torture enough for Casey, although it couldn't have been more than few hours. The sun, though not visible, was staring to turn the sky blue and reds and oranges were streaked along the horizon. She finally gave up her pacing and sat in the hard backed chair, placing it with a view of both the door and the window. She shivered and almost hoped that whatever the Black Cloak had planned he would get on with fast, before the cold did away with her first.

* * *

'Henry,' Finn said, seeing that Olivia's exasperation and impatience were getting them nowhere, 'We know the risk we're asking you to take but please, you're the only one who can help.' The tavern owner's face didn't change so Finn changed tack. 'When you needed a loan to survive that tough winter,' he implored, 'Casey was the one who persuaded her father. When your youngest was sick Casey was round here every day tending to him, wouldn't leave his side. We're not asking you to risk this for us, but for her.'

Henry sighed and looked at the three desperate people stood before him. They'd arrived banging on his door before even the crow had a chance to wake and described their desperate plan to him. He didn't want to risk the Sheriff's anger but Finn was right, Casey was in trouble and he'd be dammed if he didn't help her escape.

* * *

The store room of the castle was located just above the dungeons, on the ground floor. Inside two barrels lay on their sides, their tops laid next to them. Olivia and Amanda worked quickly but silently over another barrel till they could lay the top on the stones and help lift Finn from inside.

'I don't care who we're coming to get, I'm never doing that again. I got cramp after five minutes!' Finn complained earning a stern look from Amanda though he'd whispered. It was late at night, none of them could say exactly when, and they'd been inside the barrels since midday. Henry was due to deliver an ale shipment and Finn had finally persuaded him to simply add three extra barrels to his order. They were driven into the castle with the guards barely batting an eye and rolled into the store room to wait till the coast was clear.

Olivia got to work standing the barrels back upright and reattaching the lids. She and Finn scattered them around the room amid all the multipurpose barrels and boxes in there so no one would know how they got in or who specifically had helped them. Amanda was busy picking the lock and though she soon felt the impatient breath of Olivia on the back of neck she didn't let it hurry her and it was some time before the door swung open. They decided before that Casey was probably being held in one of the cells in the west tower. Olivia had sent Amanda to the castle a few months before in the guise of a serving woman to get the lay of the land in case any of them had reason to be inside the walls.

Olivia took point while Finn the rear as they snuck through the corridors. Guards were patrolling but they'd all learnt to walk the forest floor without sound so the wood and stone of the castle made it especially easy to avoid the guards. They reached the tower and split to check each door, the metal bars in the door windows meaning that Amanda didn't need to pick every lock. Olivia felt her panic rise when the first door only showed an empty room and was ready to start frantically running when the second showed the same but a psst from Finn slowed her heart and she walked up the cold steps to stare into the room he indicated. Casey was curled in a ball in the corner, sleeping though her fluttering eye lids showed that her slumber wasn't deep. Amanda raced silently to them and the only noise was their breathing as she slowly picked the lock. If Olivia thought the store room door was slow it was nothing to how long she felt Amanda was taking although in comparison the blond was probably quicker in her haste to reach Casey.

* * *

Casey startled awake when she felt a sweaty palm on her shoulder but her alarm soon gave way to confusion when she saw it was Olivia. Before she could say a word however Olivia placed a finger to her blue lips and helped her stand. Though only imprisoned for a day and two nights the cell had not been kind to Casey. Allowed only one glass of water and no food her lips were chapped while her hair hung in tangles round her shoulders. Her feet and mouth were almost blue from cold, the stone walls of the cell allowing none of the summer's warmth to penetrate through. Used the comfort of a Lady's life her harsh treatment had left her feeling weak and childlike and it was all she could do not to cry on seeing three friendly faces.

She leant hard on Olivia as she lead her from the tower and out on to the castle walls. They had yet to see a guard and the ease of their rescue didn't sit well with Olivia but she didn't let herself ponder it choosing to focus instead on the most difficult part of their endeavour. Little did they know that a shadow had followed them down out of the tower, had been waiting in one of the rooms above for them to arrive.

The wind was whipping at their skin and it sent Casey into a new bout of shivers but if they were cold now it was nothing to how cold they were about to become. Finn looped the rope he held over his shoulders and tied it tight to the battlement. He let the other end hang long over the side of the wall ending just before the moat, dark and menacing far below. A nod from Olivia made him draw a deep breath and with a wink to Amanda he threw one leg over the side and hand over hand abseiled down the length of the castle wall. The water was freezing and unlike the rivers and streams of the forest it was stagnant and the dank smell that rose from it even in the cold made Finn gag at the back of his throat. A low whistle, like that of a wood pigeon, alerted Olivia that he had safely reached the other side.

Casey's eyes had widened at seeing how she was expected to escape. She had never been a strong swimmer and in her weakened state with only a nightgown to protect her she wasn't sure whether she would make it across the moat. She turned up face upward towards Olivia and opened her mouth, ready to explain that she couldn't do it but Olivia beat her to the punch.

'I know you hate swimming, sweetheart, but we have to avoid the gate and this is the only way. Amanda's going to go first and wait in the water for you, she'll help you across.'

Casey still didn't entirely trust the situation but knew that arguing wasn't going to help anyone and would only waste time that the guards could use to find them. She watched as Amanda disappeared over the wall and when the rope went slack Olivia helped her over to it.

'Brace your feet against the wall and lean back holding the rope. Walk down slowly and keep your eyes on the wall. Don't look down okay.' Olivia said gently as she set the rope in Casey's hands helping her swing one leg then two over the wall. Casey's breath was coming fast but she was working hard on not panicking. With a slight pressure from Olivia she edged her body off the wall and turned till only her grip on the rope kept her from falling. The wind was stronger than before and it tangled her gown round her legs but slowly she walked down, her knuckles white on the rope. The ice cold water on her feet came as a shock, focused so intently as she was on not looking down, that she almost screamed; but a clammy hand snaked round her ankle and Amanda helped lower herself in the water. The blond turned her onto her back and gripped a hand onto her bicep, Amanda using her own arm as support under Casey's back. With powerful kicks of her legs she swam them both to the other side where Finn was waiting to help them walk out of the mud and reeds.

The three of them turned and Finn whistled again, signally to Olivia that she could enter the water herself. The sight that met them turned their already cold blood freezing. Instead of one figure on the wall there were two and the second was almost on Olivia. She was focused so hard on the moat, trying to see Casey and Amanda, that she didn't see the figure approaching till it was too late. Finn's warning fell on death ears as the pommel of a dagger crashed in the back of her skull and she fell unconscious to the floor.

The three, shaking and wet people watched as Olivia was attacked but before they could even consider going to her rescue they heard the drawbridge lower and the thundering of hooves. Finn took control and ran with the two woman to the forest, having no choice but to leave Olivia in the clutches of the Black Cloak.


	7. The Black Cloak

**So I'm going to stick this story up for M because it will include mature and sometimes triggering themes. If anyone wants a warning on individual chapters then just ask and I will do so but unless someone asks I won't make a habit of it.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

The first thing Olivia felt was a pounding in her skull that intermittently sent daggers to stab at the back of eyes. She groaned and hung head forward on her chest, squinting her eyes open slightly against what little light there was. Casey was a Lady, daughter to a man of importance in the county and therefore was kept in the tower, in habitable surroundings. Olivia had no such title. From what she could see the far end of the dungeons continued under the moat and the walls seemed slightly damp. Metal baskets on the walls contained the only light, flickering flames that shinned on the metal blades that were lined on one table. Shackles and chains hung from the walls and ceiling and a wooden rack dominated one side of the room. Olivia only let herself glance around, not allowing her eyes to linger too long on rusted metal or dark stains. Thinking too much about what the room contained would not help her face the men in front her.

'Looks like someone has finally decided to join us.' The Sheriff said, a grin splitting his face.

Olivia had seen him before, but only from afar, mainly as she was riding away. He was thinner than his clothes let people believe, thick cloaks hiding a body that barely had an inch of fat on it. He was sat on a chair in front of her, their knees just touching. As she came slowly to she felt the rope rubbing on her wrists and ankles, even wrapped around her torso. Apart from turning her head and flexing her fingers she couldn't move at all.

There were two guards in the room, but for their faces of stone they might as well have been statues. The Black Cloak stood just behind his father but his helmet prevented anyone from knowing what he felt and his grey eyes gave nothing away.

'I've been wanting to meet you for a long time Olivia,' the Sheriff said drawing her attention back to him. She'd never been bothered about her name before but the sound of it on his lips made her shudder with revulsion.

'You've been rather a thorn in my side.' He reached out a traced a finger down her jaw line, the back of the chair preventing her from jerking her head away. 'You've cost me a lot of money and being a frugal man I want it back.' The sickly smile was still on his face though his eyes were cold and betrayed his anger.

'I don't have it.' She said her voice rough.

He leaned back and placed his palms flat on his knees, 'I thought you might say that. Do you really expect me to believe that you don't have a pound of what you stole?'

'Not a penny,' Olivia replied smirking slightly with a false bravado, 'I gave it all away.'

He sat silent for a time before asking again, 'Where is the money?'

'No idea.'

Where are the others?'

'Couldn't tell you.'

'Where do you live?'

'Nowhere.'

He laughed at her last answer and if she was expecting her denials to anger him, it only made his smile grow bigger.

'You see Olivia, you will give me the answers to all those questions and more; I promise you. I admire you for choosing the hard way, although I admit I expected nothing less, would have been disappointed with anything less. I'm looking forward to hearing you sing, everyone does in the end.'

She said nothing, didn't even let her eyes move, for fear that it would betray the cold sweat that had sprung up on her forehead.

'I am sad that I won't be here to see all of it, but I'm a busy man you see; peasants to maim, people to kill, you know the like.' Nobody smiled at his attempt at a joke. 'But it's okay, my son here will do a good enough job for me. He's been wanting to meet you for as long as I have.' He rose to his feet and walked towards the dungeons steps. 'I hope we see each other soon Olivia, remember I'm not a patient man.'

* * *

They'd moved that night, Elliot hobbling on rough crutches, while the rest of them carried their various belongings on their backs. Their camp wasn't safe, Olivia knew they were there. The hollow in the hill was left with no sign that anyone used to live there. Casey had never been to their new camp before, they so rarely used it. Near the middle of the forest, nearly half a day's walk in the trees, the river formed a waterfall. The sides of the gorge cut in the rock were covered in trees that shielded the water following below. Thorn bushes prevented anyone from getting too close to the edge and you only knew that the waterfall was there because of the sound of it pounding on the rocks. Behind the torrent of water there was a cave and it was in here that Munch laid their beds. The spray made it slightly damp and it was always cold but it was hidden. They were the only ones who knew the path through the thorns and down to the pool, hand over hand down the rock face and while this made it the safest place to be it was also the hardest to escape from. The rock closed up again about a hundred meters down, and the only way out was to swim underwater through the hole the river cut. Their new home was a slim rectangle in the forest floor, a waterfall at one end, a rock face at the other and lined on all sides by trees.

Casey sat apart from the others as they gathered around the newly lit fire. She stared into the clear water of the river, knees at her chest with still only her now tattered and soiled nightgown for cover. The sun had risen as they were walking but it did nothing to remove the goose bumps on her arms.

'It's not your fault Casey.' Elliot said as with some difficultly he lowered himself to the dirt beside her. She hadn't heard him approach so sunken in her guilt.

She felt tears sting behind her eyes but refused to let them fall and turned her head towards him, letting her silence act as a rebuttal.

'Liv knew what she doing, what she was risking. We'll get her back, don't worry.' Elliot couldn't tell if he actually believed his last statement or if he simply couldn't bear to contemplate the alternative.

'If I hadn't stalled so long on the wall, got myself captured in the first place,' Casey started her voice choked turning back towards the river, 'if I hadn't persuaded you all to stay.' Her throat felt too tight to continue and she lowered her chin to her chest, unable to stop the tears rolling down her checks.

'Casey look at me,' she refused still staring at her lap, 'Casey,' he gently lifting her face to his and saying in a slow gentle voice, 'It is not your fault. Do you understand, not your fault. It wouldn't have mattered how long you stayed on the wall, how hard you fought against capture it was the Black Cloak's plan from the start.' Her eyes, still wet showed her confusion, her mind not understanding what he meant.

'Casey, you were bait. It was never you the Black Cloak wanted. God, I'd bet my other leg the whole tax raid was a set up from the start. What happened was no one's fault, least of all yours and I'm know that we will get her back.'

'You know?' she replied in a small voice so unlike her, as his statement that she was only bait played in her head.

'As much as I know that Munch will bore us all to sleep tonight with tales of how God's angels are working for the French treasury.' She smiled and though the guilt wasn't entirely gone, she let herself believe, at least a little, what Elliot had said.

'It's going to be okay,' he said laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. 'God, Casey your freezing,' Elliot exclaimed drawing his hand back, 'come on you need to come sit by the fire' he said as she let him draw her away from the water, 'enough mopping for today.'

* * *

The Black Cloak stepped forward when his father was gone and Olivia worked hard at trying to control her breathing. He stared at her for a moment before motioning to the guards. Olivia felt rough hands grasp her arms as the ropes that surrounded her were cut. They dragged her out of the chair and back to the far wall, she knew there was no point in resisting. With cold hands they secured her wrists and ankles to metal shackles attached to the wall till she stood spread eagle against the cold damp stone.

The guards turned without a word and Olivia marvelled for a second that the Black Cloak could command without uttering a sound or sometimes without even moving. She watched as he walked over to a table at the other side of the room, the one with the knives and tried not to let her mind get ahead of her. The only sound was her ragged breathing and the slow measured steps of the Black Cloak.

Her breath caught in the back of her throat as he turned with a small serrated blade in one hand, the metal catching the flames from the wall. She tried not to let her fear show but she knew that the beads of sweat on her upper lip, and her eyes, not able to move from the metal, betrayed her.

He still made no sound as he walked slowly back over to her and she started to think that the rumours about his tongue might be true. He stopped close enough to touch and paused there for a second, knowing that sometimes the anticipation was worse than the pain itself. He reached out just like his father and ran one gloved hand down her face, Olivia staying still to show that the move didn't bother her. Though now close enough to see, the eyes that stared back from beneath his helmet gave nothing away. He trailed his hand down her jaw to her collar bone, fisting in the green tunic he felt there. Raising the blade Olivia tensed waiting for the sting of the cold metal but it never came. Instead the sound of tearing cloth filled the room.

He was slowly running the knife through her clothes. First down the length of her torso then down each arm pulling it from her chest. Descending to one knee he raised the metal and cut through the cloth of her breeches till he was able to pull the material free. He worked methodically, his touch strangely gentle and stepped back when he was done.

Olivia tried not to let the blood rush to her cheeks but she felt her face burn all the same. She wasn't ashamed of her body, wasn't exactly modest living as she did so close to three men, but stripping naked to bathe in the river wasn't the same as this. The cold made her nipples stand erect and though she tried to calm her breathing her chest was heaving from gasps that bordered on panic. Her bronze skin was bleached in the darkness and she felt that the wall really was damp, droplets running down her back.

The Black Cloak still didn't make a sound just ran his eyes over every inch of her skin. He turned and this time with some pace walked back to the table placing the knife back in line. Olivia watched as he hunched his shoulders before standing upright and lifting his hands to his helmet.

The sight that met her eyes drove all the fear from her body from shock. He turned and she was able to see what no one but a chosen few had ever seen. A square jaw framed long lips and a grey eyes sat above cheek bones that looked as if they had been chiselled by an artist; blond hair falling almost straight, over her shoulders. Olivia stood, mouthing hanging open as she learnt that the Black Cloak wasn't the Sheriff's son but his daughter.


	8. The Dungeon

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia watched as the woman kept removing her armour. First the helmet then the gloves that covered her long fingers. She swept her black cloak, a wolf skin sewn at the top, off her shoulders and laid it across one of the chairs. A skirt made of pleated leather with metal studs followed along with the matching belt and the heavy breastplate came last. Olivia stared at the woman in front of her, dressed in only a loose white shirt and black leather breeches, her falcon sword strapped to her hip. She was thin, without all the metal, with small breasts that allowed her to maintain her illusion. She picked up the other chair and dragged it to the middle of the room. She sat and stared for a moment, hands held in her lap.

'Close your mouth Olivia.' The sound of her voice, deep yet so unmistakably female did nothing to help Olivia's shock. She waited patiently, hands still held still, for her prisoner to regain the use of her facial muscles and it was only when Olivia closed her mouth and took a deep breath that she spoke again.

'I believe you, you know. About the money that is. I could torture you for days and you would never be able to give me a penny.'

'Who are you?' Olivia asked breathlessly, ignoring the woman's comment, happy to hear that her voice held firm.

'The sheriff deep down knows the same. I think he just wants you to suffer; punishment you know.'

'Who are you?' Olivia asked again not to be deterred.

'He wants to see you bloody and broken at his feet, crying and begging. It gets him off I think.'

'I don't give a fuck about the Sheriff, who are you!' Olivia shouted, her patience and temper worn thin by the situation.

'There's no need to get angry Olivia.' She replied with an even tone, 'You know who I am, we've met before.' Olivia didn't join with her smile, just asked her question again.

'Who are you?' The smile left the woman's face and she tilted her head to the side slightly.

'You're like a dog with a bone aren't you?' A slight pause followed as if she was pondering whether to actually answer, 'My name is Alexandra; if that answers your question and to highlight your previous statement I think you really _should_ give a fuck about the Sheriff Olivia.' She paused again to let her statement sink in before continuing in a lighter tone. 'Is it true your whole family are dead, home destroyed… etcetera etcetera?' Olivia gave no answer and pouting slightly Alex looked away.

'How does it feel pretending to have a dick every day of your life?'

Alex smiled again, happy Olivia had decided to fight back. 'The world is made for men, having a dick, as you so politely put it, gives me the respect I need to take what I want.'

'I have respect and I'm a woman.'

'I can see,' Alex replied dragging her eyes over Olivia's body. She smiled at the blush she saw. 'They tolerate you because you give them things. You have to buy what you have, it's not real. Me. Anywhere I go people do what I say; they stop talking just to watch me; they would bow at my feet if I asked them to.'

'That's not respect Alex that's fear.'

Alex hid the jolt she felt through her body at hearing her name on Olivia's lips, keeping her voice even and light. 'Everyone knows it's the same thing. People respect that when I want something, I get will go and get it.'

The air hung heavy with Alex's promise and Olivia tried not to see the hungry look in her eyes. 'What is it you want?' she asked, though slightly afraid of the answer.

Alex leaned back in her chair and ran her hand over her head. She stopped smiling and said in a dangerous but somehow sad voice, 'Well, that remains to be seen.'

* * *

They sat in silence after that. It seemed to Olivia that Alex had become a statue, her face once again empty of emotion, her grey eyes flat. Now that the shock had had time to wear off Olivia could see that she was an attractive woman. Thin but not bony with defined features and long legs, that the leather breeches only helped define. It was hard in her head to equate the person sitting before her with the almost monstrous Black Cloak, as if once the helmet was off Alex became a completely different person.

However, she knew the Black Cloak. Knew what he wanted, who he worked for, what to expect from a man who loved to kill. Alex, on the other hand, was a mystery and one that made Olivia unable to catch her breath. The Black Cloak would torture her for sure. She didn't know what Alex planned to do; what emotions were rolling behind her eyes and that unknown scared her.

She couldn't let Alex see that fear of course. To show fear made it real, gave it to the enemy to use against you. She tore her eyes away from the still unmoved woman and stared at the wall behind her head. She focused all she had on one singular brick, anything to keep her mind from whatever Alex was going to do; she shifted her feet and willed the acid bile she felt in the back of throat to stay in her stomach. She started counting, slowly and steadily till only the numbers filled her head.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

Questions and voices wouldn't find room, blood and pain wouldn't be able to get in, only the numbers would be allowed in her head, only her own mantra and she prayed that it would be enough to see her through until morning.

She'd gotten to one thousand five hundred and thirty four when Alex suddenly moved. She sprung out of the chair as if some voice only she could hear had told her it was about to catch fire. With three long strides she crushed her lips to Olivia's and brought one hand up to her breast. She pressed her whole weight against her and Olivia felt the cold stone hard against her back as long nails clawed at her hip and a surprisingly soft hand pawed at her chest. The lips against hers were moving at a pace she couldn't match even if she had been inclined to do so, moving with a hunger that couldn't be satisfied. Before Olivia could react, beyond her initial shock, the lips had moved to her jaw and then her neck, trailing kisses and biting at the skin.

Then just as suddenly as it had started it stopped. The hand digging painfully into her breast became still and the nails at her hip were loosened. Alex was breathing heavy, taking gasping breaths that blew warm against her skin. She stayed still for a moment, frozen against Olivia before almost throwing herself away.

She turned and strode to the table at the other side of the room, placing her palms flat on the surface and hunching her back, letting her hair shield her face. The only sound was of her breathing. Olivia didn't know what to make of the attack, if she could even call it that. Her own breathing was heavy and after a moment the pain at her hip made her look down. A small trickle of blood was rolling down her leg from the scratches in her skin. She paid it no mind, didn't even really notice the pain, she'd gotten worse from rose bushes.

She didn't understand, if Alex wanted her, and her actions implied that she did, why didn't she just take her, it wasn't as if she could fight back. She didn't want to be raped, it was one of her main fears about being captured but it was expected. She knew what to do with expected, could put up her own mental barriers that would get her through; but throw in a torturer who doesn't know how she wants to torture and Olivia was thrown. How could she fight against, protect herself against, a weapon she couldn't see?

* * *

'They say you're perverted' Olivia was yanked out her reprieve as Alex spoke again, body still turned to the table. 'That you like to lie with women.'

Olivia gave no answer, not yet sure what Alex was trying to achieve from her questions.

'Bet you liked that huh?' turning around Alex finally looked in her eyes and waited for an answer.

'I'd have to get a guard down here if I wanted to see you squirming, hmmm? Should I go and get one… maybe a couple?' Olivia wasn't rising to the bait, only staring and Alex couldn't stand to see the pity in her eyes. She strode back over to her and brought her hand to Olivia's cheek. It wasn't a small slap, like the one you might see in a fight over a boy between friends or even a light punch but a full power right hook. Olivia felt her head snap back and her right temple smack against the wall. The dungeon seemed to grow darker for a moment and her ears were ringing but she slowly brought her head back round. She spat out the copper blood from her mouth at Alex's feet but still said nothing.

The punch had seemed to clear Alex's head and she was once again the calm and controlled woman who Olivia first saw. She walked back over to her chair and seemed to accept that Olivia might never decide to speak.

'We had a pervert in here once,' she started, checking to see if Olivia was paying attention. 'It was quite a few years ago now, I was maybe thirteen, fourteen, I don't remember exactly; it's not important. My father brought me down to the dungeons- armour on of course- and sat me a chair in the corner to learn.' Olivia tried not to let her disgust for the Sheriff show but felt her mouth pull tight without her control. Luckily Alex didn't seem to notice, so lost as she was in her story, her aim to scare Olivia seemingly forgotten.

'My father's companion was in charge of the dungeons those days- he's been a dead about five years now- and he was a rough, barrel chested man who didn't much care for anything if I'm honest. The pervert they'd caught was man, a sodomite, but his partner had managed to escape. They wanted to know who the other man was.' Alex seemed to drift further away into her memory, her hands still on her thighs. 'He was younger than I'd expected, about our age now, maybe twenty five, twenty six, or so and he just wouldn't give up the name of his partner. They stuck him on the rack and even when his shoulders ripped out of their sockets he wouldn't speak. Hot brands were run down his ribs and I think they even put out one eye, although that could have been someone else now I'm thinking about it, but still, the point is he just wouldn't speak. I learnt a lot that day about the endurance of man and all the different ways one can stretch it.'

Alex sighed and ran a hand through her hair. What she didn't say was that she'd also learnt a lot about love that day. She'd marvelled that someone could love someone else so much as to suffer through all of that, just for them. She envied that someone could be loved, even by a pervert, with such selflessness and with such devotion.

'It was his first offence so when they realised that he just wasn't going to talk they went ahead and castrated him. You know, for all the talk men give about their dicks it wasn't even the loudest he'd screamed that day.'

Olivia let the silence hang for a moment before deciding to finally speak.

'Was that supposed to scare me? Make me hate myself? Pity you? What the fuck was the point of your little story Alex?'

Suddenly the tables were turned and Alex was the one sitting silent, unable to answer, unable to understand herself why she had told that story, only knowing that when she had started she had to finish.

'Who the fuck are you Alex? Hmmm are you the big bad scary Black Cloak or the little girl made to watch as a man got his dick cut off. The woman who rants about the perverted but wants to fuck me and can't understand why. Who hates herself but goes on killing anyway?' Olivia had started loud, throwing the words like knives at Alex but by the end the volume had fallen and it was with an almost tender tone she uttered her last question. Alex still couldn't reply and pity filtered slowly back into Olivia's eyes.

'You've got to figure out who you are Alex and you've got to do it soon.'

* * *

Alex was prevented from answering by the sound of the door. She scrambled to her feet and ran back to the chair with her armour dragging it back into the shadows.

'Don't worry, it's just me.' The voice of the Sheriff drifted down the steps and he sauntered slowly down behind it.

'She's a little cleaner than I expected Alexandra,' he said running his eyes up and down Olivia's body, 'but I like your attitude to clothes.' He turned and smiled at the blond who came and stood at his side.

'I was just getting started.'

'You're going to have to be a bit quicker than this I'm afraid. I've come to announce the date of your death Olivia.' He smiled his sickly smile as she tried to hide her fear. 'How does sunrise sound?'

It sounded sickening. She was counting on more time in dungeon; more time for the others to come up with a plan and rescue her.

'But we had an agreement, we…'

'I know what we agreed Alexandra,' her father interrupted, annoyance entering his eyes, 'but things change. You get your night with her. Make the most of it and get me my answers.' He raised his hand and ran his thumb over her cheek. After a moment she let the anger melt off her features and smiled, nodding slightly in agreement.

'Great,' he said clapping his hands, 'now that's all decided I'm going to go and personally pick out your noose.' He turned and started back up the stairs.

'Have fun ladies.' he chuckled as the door slammed shut behind him.


	9. Water

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Olivia had lost the feeling in her hands a long time ago as she hung from the wall. Alex had redressed in her armour almost as soon as the Sheriff had left and walked from the dungeon without a word. Olivia didn't try and make her stay.

She had thought perhaps her shivers might stop as she got used to the cold but every few seconds a tremor would rack her body and she would have to grit her teeth against the pain. The cold stone had leeched into her body and though she was used to having cold feet her blue tinged toes were a cause for concern.

She had tried to break free for hours. Pulling at the metal till blood ran down her arms but though it sounded like there might be a loose bolt her wrists remained too tightly bound. She knew that her only hope was to try and break free on the walk from the dungeons to the gallows and for that she needed to save her strength. The others would be there, she was sure. The Sheriff would have announced her execution, his victory, to anyone he could find to listen and she knew that even deep in the forest the news would have filtered through. They'd stopped executions before, but never one of their own.

* * *

It had been a short but fierce argument and Casey had won, which was why she was now walking through the trees swinging a long branch at her side. Elliot hadn't wanted her to go, tried to argue that she would only get in the way but she knew she could fight if it came to it. The boys in her village could attest to the power of her backswing and armed with a branch she wasn't the demur Lady her attackers would be expecting. She argued that she would be as much use as him with his dud leg and that if he was going, she was too. Amanda has stayed clear of them as they threw insults back and forth, both knowing that the other had a point but being unable to admit it. It was Munch in the end who had settled things. Finn had arrived back to the top of the waterfall still astride a horse he had borrowed from Alderthrope. He tied the animal to a tree before climbing down and informing them all that the execution was scheduled for the next morning. Munch had used the ensuing silence to tell Elliot that he could go if he rode the horse and stayed in the trees and that Casey could go if she stayed with him, pretending to be some pilgrim on a sacred journey. They both begrudgingly agreed and Casey was shown the path up the rock face.

She pulled up her breeches for the hundredth time it felt and tightened the rope at her waist. Finn had leant her some clothes and to say they were ill fitting would be kind. The breeches stopped at about her knees yet needed to be tightened with rope around the waist and the shirt was loose while at the same time showing her stomach if she as so much moved her arms. With Amanda's ankle boots on her feet she knew she made a funny sight but she couldn't have stayed at camp while they all went to help; even Munch was going.

They walked silently through the forest, with only the stars to guide them and Casey was happy it was summer, she didn't want to imagine how much colder it could have been. They knew it wouldn't be easy, that the Sheriff would have at least tripled the guards but Casey was quietly confident that by sunset tomorrow they would all be sitting round the fire at camp laughing at how close to death they had come.

* * *

The door sounded in the gloom and for a moment Olivia was overtaken by panic. She wasn't ready to die, wasn't ready for it to be morning. But instead of the measured pace of the Sheriff or the marching steps of the guards it was Alex who hurried down the stairs, boots echoing off the stones. She came to stand in front of her and brought one finger to her lips, covered once again by her armour, miming that Olivia was to remain silent. She quickly removed the restraints and after so long held in one position Olivia fell forward into her arms.

'You have to walk Olivia. I can't help you if you don't walk.' Alex said, trying to ignore the warm body she felt through her gloves.

Olivia straightened and took a couple of shaky steps up the stairs. Alex followed close behind, ready to catch her should she fall. Olivia pushed at the heavy door that opened into the courtyard and expected to see the faint lines of dawn twisting through the sky. Instead she saw only blackness. Turning to Alex she opened her mouth to ask what was happening but Alex once again signalled for silence. Olivia didn't understand what was happening or why but seeing as this path didn't seem to lead to the gallows she was happy to follow it.

The guards on the walls were all facing outwards so it was easy for the pair to sneak across the courtyard, the moon hidden by clouds. The castle was a simple one. A circular wall encompassed everything. The main building at the back contained the hall and all the main rooms, kitchen at the bottom, living quarters at the top, with two square towers at either side. The armoury, stables, chapel and soldier's quarters ringed the large main courtyard that had the looming shape of the gallows in the right top corner. Hovels and taverns and one church had slowly been built just outside the main gate while the forest wrapped around the west and north sides, trees constantly being cut back so enemies couldn't use them as cover.

Alex led them between the armoury and the stables on the western side and though the horses remained silent they were almost scared out of their skins when they stumbled upon the prone form of a man. Luckily for them it only belonged to a passed out drunk, from the kitchens by the look of him, leaning against the stable wall. They tiptoed past and Alex squeezed between the outer wall and the back of the stables. Olivia was quick to follow and the wood cut splinters in her arms and hips, Alex not thinking to replace the clothes she'd destroyed.

'This will lead out to the moat,' Alex said pointing to a small wooden door in the wall she uncovered by pulling away the ivy, 'the water is shallow here, a ford. My father had this built when he first came to the castle. Always good to have a secret way out he said.'

Olivia nodded and crept through the child size door. She didn't know why Alex was helping her, or even if she trusted that help but she knew that right now was not the time to question it. At the last moment she turned and uttered a quiet thankyou before entering the moat.

She walked across with relative ease, all the time expecting an ambush. However it was when she was crawling away from the castle that things took a turn for the worse. The moon decided at that point to emerge from the clouds and shine against her white skin. The guard on the wall, a young boy, barely sixteen, didn't quite know what he was seeing at first but when the mysterious shape morphed into a back he shouted out and raised the alarm.

Alex was walking back across the courtyard when she heard the first shout. She attempted to retreat into the shadows but the gate keep opened and five scared looking guards came spilling out.

'She's escaped.' Alex did nothing. 'Benson, she's escaped, she's outside the walls.' Alex sighed internally but knew she had to be seen to act. She went a pushed one mail clad boy towards the drawbridge and one towards the soldiers' quarters before turning and quickly saddling her horse. The traitorous moon shone on the silver of her breast plate as she rode out from the castle.

* * *

Olivia had almost reached the trees when she heard the first horn blow. Turning she saw the drawbridge to the castle being lowered and a figure ride out. She stood almost transfixed as the horse rode towards her but when the one was joined by four others she regained her wits and ran for the trees.

She ran as fast as her stiff legs would take her, wind only adding to the chill of her wet body. The forest was her home, if she was going to escape being amongst the branches and leaves once again dramatically improved her chances. But even she could not out run a stallion and all too soon she heard the pounding of hooves growing closer, the ground beginning to shake. She spun round just in time to see the black beast rear on its hind legs and kick out at the air, angry that its sleep had been disturbed.

Olivia nodded slowly at Alex, asking with her eyes if she would let her go. Alex's only response was to draw her sword. Without another thought Olivia darted off into the trees, knowing that Alex couldn't take her mount off the path without being slowed to almost a standstill and that the other riders would lose them in here. She felt nettles graze her legs, stones stick in her feet and thorns gouge bloody tracks in her arms but didn't slow down once. She could heard Alex crashing through the underbrush behind her, sword sheathed, armour protecting her from the forest but slowing her just enough that she couldn't quite catch Olivia.

Both women were fit but it was Olivia who tired first. Though the metal was heavy Alex had been running and existing in armour for her entire life and could run the length of the county in a helmet and breast plate. She reached out a hand and grabbed at Olivia's hair, ironically in the same place they'd had their standoff before. The forest floor disappeared in a muddy cliff and in their tiredness and frustration they didn't slow down quick enough. Olivia tried to turn and stop but Alex was right behind her and came crashing into her chest. They both toppled off the cliff and into the river below.

The water was flowing fast and the first rays of dawn lit up the surface like diamonds. Though deep one could, with a little effort, swim to the side; but both woman had not let their 'little' fall interrupt their fight. Alex was struggling to stay above the water with her armour weighing her down but she refused to let go her grip on Olivia's head and they both tangled together in a mess of limbs. Neither one knew which way was up anymore and Olivia tried to take a gasp of air when her head broke the surface only to have Alex push her back under, water flooding into her mouth. They only stopped struggling when the sound of the waterfall reached their water clogged ears.

Alex immediately let go and tried to swim to the side, to grab onto anything she could but they were too close to the edge. Before either woman could even scream they were swept off over the side of the rock.

* * *

The water felt like it had punched Olivia in the side and for a moment she drifted beneath the waves. The pounding of the falling water sending up a white spay that disturbed everything else. When her mind caught up she kicked for the surface and dragged her bruised and battered body out of the pool. She lay there for a moment, simply breathing before the sight of the fire pit in the corner of her eye made her lift her head. From the new ash that lay there she guessed that the others had moved camp and she smiled at their precaution. Rising to her knees she looked around for Alex, confused when she didn't immediately see her in the water. Pushing herself to her feet she saw that unlike her Alex hadn't been able to escape the river. The stream had carried her all the way to the rock face at the far end of the ravine. It was trying to drag her underwater and into the hole through which the river followed and it was with all her strength that Alex was fighting against the water.

Olivia stared for a moment before deciding that her answers were more important than finding Alex's bloated corpse further downstream. She ran over and walking waist deep dragged the woman from the river. She lay her on her back by the river's edge and ripped off her helmet, a torrent of water coming with it. Alex spluttered and coughed and Olivia wondered how she had been able to breathe under there at all. She straddled her chest, the metal cold against the inside of her thighs, and grabbed at the straps of her breast plate.

'What the fuck Alex?' Olivia asked breathing heavy. Alex tried to struggle and sit up but Olivia raised her chest off the ground then brought it crashing back down into the dirt.

'First you attack me. Then you save me. Then you attack me again. You're gonna have to explain that Alex.' The blond woman, hair sticking to her face, clenched her teeth and remained silent. Olivia picked her up again and dragged her back towards to the water. This time when she brought Alex's head back down her entire face was under water.

'What's your game Alex?' she brought her spluttering out of the river but Alex only stared at her and tried to loosen her grip. She held her under for longer the second time, till Alex was bucking under her and bubbles were rising to the surface.

'You think I care if you live or die,' she said as Alex gasped for breath and coughed up water, 'You think I don't have good cause to kill you already? You think that because you got me out of that castle I owe you something?' She plunged Alex back beneath the water. 'I don't owe you shit!'

She knew she was lying. Even if it was the Black Cloak a life was a life and now Olivia owed hers, at least in part, to Alex.

She came spluttering to the surface for the third time and looked up at the woman on top of her. Brown hair dripping onto her face, breasts hanging forward slightly as she leaned over her and muscles in her arms tense as she held her weight. Olivia went as if to plunge her back under but she made a small noise in the back of her throat and Olivia paused.

'You couldn't loose.' Olivia leant forward even more to hear the thin cracked voice that emanated from Alex, frowning in confusion.

'What? What do you mean? Why couldn't I lose?' Alex paused for too long and so Olivia shook her slightly again, 'Why couldn't I lose Alex?'

'Because then I'd win.'


	10. Knights and Dragons

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Olivia looked down into the eyes of the woman beneath her. She never really believed that the eyes were windows to the soul. Munch claimed that keeping eye contact with someone for too long was dangerous, that it was how the Pope controlled his cardinals, but Olivia had long ago learned to tune out his radical theories. She'd never had cause to doubt herself before but for a moment, a second really, Alex's eyes betrayed everything. It was as if that one comment had allowed her to feel what before she had to control. The grey irises, tinged with blue Olivia now saw, spoke of a tiredness beyond the physical, a pain and confusion that she didn't know how to heal.

And then the moment was gone. The eyes fell flat once again and the emotion drained from Alex's face. Neither of them moved, their anger seemingly spent till Olivia picked them both up and removed Alex's sword. When the blond made no move to resist she gently undressed her of all her metal till, like in dungeons, she stood in her white shirt and black breeches. Olivia suddenly became aware of her own nakedness and led them both back to the waterfall, leaving the armour where it lay. She was happy to see that the others had laid out her mattress and folded her clothes on the top. With one eye on Alex she dressed quickly in loose breeches and her trademark green tunic. She brought Alex to the back of the cave, where the sound of the water was quietest and tied her hands behind her back and her ankles together before helping her sit on the rock. Alex's eyes were still flat, still dead. She had the look of a man who had given all his cards to God. Who didn't know if he had a winning hand or not, didn't even know how to play the game but who was tired of playing and wanted to face his winnings or his debtors either way. Olivia had dealt with such people before, normally men who had gotten tired of running from the law but she knew that while Alex was placid now if you corner an animal you give it no choice but to attack. Alex was still the Black Cloak and she couldn't be underestimated.

'You've got to speak to me Alex' Olivia said, sitting down on the opposite side of the cave. With her legs extended the two woman's feet almost touched. 'The others will be getting back soon and I won't hide who you are from them. I have to give them a reason not to kill you on sight.'

Alex shrugged slightly and even in the gloom Olivia could see that the white of her shirt, now wet, hid nothing of her chest. 'What did you mean that I couldn't lose? And don't give me some bullshit cryptic answer this time Alex, I need an actual explanation.'

She watched as the blond leaned her head back against the rock, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Just when she was about to speak again, thinking that she had perhaps gone to sleep Alex started speaking in a low strained voice.

'When I was younger I had this nurse maid. She was the only person I really saw from before I could remember to like maybe nine.' Olivia didn't know where this was going or how it related to her question but decided to let Alex continue. 'She was like a mother to me, I'm not entirely sure what happened to her but before she left she used to tell me stories. At night before bed, or while we were washing she would fill my head full of tales of princesses and knights and of dragons and demons that would climb through the window at night but that I wasn't to be scared because angels would always protect me.' Alex fell silent before raising her head and opening her eyes to stare at Olivia. 'Do you think you're a good person?' she asked suddenly.

'Yes of course.'

'Are you sure, you've killed people. Gone to the Holy Land and stolen people's homes.'

'They stole our sacred city. Of course we have to get it back.'

'Would your Saracen friend agree with you?'

Olivia fell silent and Alex smiled slightly before continuing. 'I was just like you; sure that I was a good. When my father came and said that I was to train with a sword I knew that he wanted me to become a knight from the stories.' Her voice rose and the ghost of a smile lifted her lips, 'I was going to kill the dragons and do God's work, save the princess,' her voice trailed off and her mouth fell flat, 'but as time went on I started to doubt my part in the story. My father says there is no good or evil. There is only the world and what it has to give you and if it won't give it to you, you simply take it and some days I think he's right.' Her eyes were hard for a moment, a harsh look casting a shadow over her face before her jaw unclenched and again the emotion was gone. 'But others. Other's I hear of this woman who is helping the poor and saving the needy and doing it all without profit to herself and I think that perhaps there is good.' She paused for a moment before continuing. 'That's what I meant. The knight has to kill the dragon. The angel has to stop the demon or else what sort of fucked up story would it be.'

Alex turned her head to the side and Olivia sat in stunned silence, not sure how to answer what she had learned. But she needn't have thought for long for as if the dam had been opened Alex quickly turned back and this time with anger in her eyes started speaking again.

'But you see in all the stories I was told the knight never needed help. He never needed saving. You! You go and get yourself captured, too focused on that slut of a red head to spare a look behind you. So now I'm left having to clean up your mess but you can't even do that properly! How would it have looked if I'd had stood by as you escaped? I was going to chase you so it looked like I'd made the effort, let you get a few punches in to fool my father but no! You had to pull us into the river and down into this hell hole. Fuck I should have simply left you there, had my night…'

'Raped me you mean?' Olivia interrupted choosing to ignore Alex's anger and throw a few verbal punches of her own.

'I never raped you. You can't tell anybody something happened when it didn't just to suit your own perversions. I asked my father for a night to hear you scream before the rope cut off your vocal chords.'

'So that's what you were doing with your lips against mine, getting close to better hear the screams.'

Alex laughed but even to her it sounded fake, 'that was to scare you. You don't honestly think I want anything to do with you?'

They fell silent once again before Olivia spoke quietly, trying to reach beyond the mask of the Black Cloak and to the woman Alex was slowly letting her see. 'We get to choose our parts Alex. If you don't want to be the dragon, you can choose to be the knight.'

Alex looked up and the tired look was back in her eyes. 'They're just stories Olivia. For children. You're too old for them now. The only things that matter in this world, are the sword in your hand, the gold in your pocket and the obedience of the men around you.'

'That's not true, you said it yourself. Everyone matters to everyone else, everyone should work for everyone else. Your father's evil Alex. He only cares about himself, you may think you owe him something but you don't. You can still do the right thing.' Olivia felt her heart quicken when she saw a glimmer of hope in Alex's eyes but it was gone so fast she doubted whether it had been there at all.

'I made my choice. No one can undo time.'

Olivia watched as Alex curled up on her side, face to the wall, and after she didn't move for a few minutes she concluded that she had fallen asleep. She walked back out of the cave, picking up her bow and quiver as she went and sat down by the fire pit. She kept her body angled towards the waterfall in case Alex tried to leave. The sun had fully risen while they had been talking but it was still early morning and she knew if the others had travelled to the castle it would be some time before they got back, assuming they didn't travel using the river like she and Alex did.

She drank from the river and ate some bread from their store before building up the fire and warming her toes in front of the flames. She didn't understand who was in sleeping in the cave. One moment she was sure she looking into the eyes of the Black Cloak. The eyes of a person who believed that everything in the world was there simply to be taken; but the next moment she was looking at Alex; a woman who still, somewhere, believed in the duality of fairy stories.

Olivia didn't know what to do. She didn't believe in the law. Didn't believe that the men sat high in their castles had the right to decide what was right and what was wrong but there was something above those men. God's law, nature's law, whatever one chose to call it, it demanded that the Black Cloak die. For the three sons of Stephen Yarmouth, hung for poaching; for the countless burned homes in the middle of winter; for the crushed bones and stabbed backs the Black Cloak had to be made to answer.

Olivia knew that, believed that. The problem she had now was that after everything that had happened, everything she had learned, she was no longer sure if the Black Cloak had ever really existed.


	11. Find me a man with clean hands

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Alex woke to the sound of voices. Her shoulder was sore from lying on the rock all day but surprisingly she felt well rested. Her clothes had slowly dried till they were only slightly damp and the water from her ears had gone. She raised herself into a sitting position and leaned against the back of the cave. She wished she could have removed her restraints but Olivia had tied them too tightly and too expertly for even her to undo.

As she sat, her mind replayed everything that had happened. The sight of Olivia chained to the wall. The flight from the castle and falling over the water fall. She'd never spoken to anyone like she had Olivia- maybe her nursemaid but that was when she was younger. She'd have liked to have thought that she had only tried to explain because Olivia threatened to kill her, might still kill her in fact, but she knew that wasn't the real reason. She'd talked because she had to, because all the thoughts and confusion in her mind were slowly driving her mad and she had to tell someone to just get rid of them. She was tired of trying to figure out if she was a good person who did bad things, or a bad person who did bad things or just a person who did things, neither good nor bad. Let other people decided whether she could live. Let the voices outside the cave decide her life. She just didn't want to think about anything anymore.

* * *

They all sat round the fire, still burning though it had been hours since Olivia had lit it. She'd told them what had happened, how she'd escaped and who was now sleeping in the cave behind them. Casey didn't believe her at first but when Amanda went and brought back Alex's helmet they accepted her story. Elliot was all for going and killing her straight away, not even letting her wake up but Olivia made him wait. It had to be a group decision; they had to hear all the facts before anyone went and killed anyone else. Elliot, of course, was not happy to be kept waiting. He rose to his feet and started passing in front of them.

'I don't care who the hell she thinks she is,' he continued their argument, 'who the hell she wants to be, I don't even give a fuck that she's a she. If she wanted to run away from what's she's done she should have run further. We all make choices. Running from her bad one's doesn't make her special Olivia; it makes her a coward.'

'Oh shut the fuck up Elliot! Get off your fucking horse.' Amanda shouted, 'You're a thirty year old man living in the forest with a Saracen, an old friar and a bunch of women. We're all fucking running.'

Elliot turned away shaking his head and biting his tongue between his teeth. After breathing heavily for a moment he turned back and said slowly, 'She's spent her whole life terrorizing the county, killing anybody who got in her way; innocent people Amanda. You can't possibly defend her.'

'We've all killed people Elliot. You know as well as I do that some of those soldiers were just boys. People trying to make a living for their families; yet you stuck a sword through them all the same. We're just a different side of the same coin.'

'The right side.'

Amada shook her head but saw that Elliot couldn't be persuaded. He wanted the Black Cloak to be evil and so she was.

'What do we even know about her?' Casey cut in trying to defuse the tension in the air. She motioned Elliot back to the ground and sighing he sat down beside her, his now aching leg stretched out. 'I mean really know, beyond the rumours and tales.'

They all turned to Munch, who alone among them was already a man when Alex was born. She rolled his eyes skyward, trying to remember everything thing he knew, every story he had been told.

'I was still living at the monastery when the Old Sherriff died. His son arrived that same night to take his place, before the body was even cold. Brother Mathew had gone to the castle to try and ease the Sheriff's passing and yet he didn't return for another ten years. Said the new Sheriff had ordered him to stay, liked his skill with herbs and medicine. He told us all what life in the castle was like, what the new sheriff was like and what was happening with Sheriff's mysterious son.

He cleared the east wing of the castle the night he arrived and picked a single nursemaid to care for the baby. The doors were locked and Brother Mathew said that as the people got acquainted with their new Lord no one dared go near that wing of the castle.

Sometimes the Sheriff would disappear for days and everyone would know where he was but had no idea what he was doing, or even if the child still lived. The rumour is now that the Black Cloak wasn't seen for at least twenty five years but that isn't true.

One day the Sheriff came down to sit judgement on some people…

 _The hall was full of servants and visiting neighbours, the conversation of the crowd swelling under the roof. Out in the entrance hall, behind the tall wooden doors the people who needed their disputes deciding were gathered, shepherded by hard faced guards into the semblance of a queue._

 _The Sheriff emerged from a door behind the high table but unlike every other month, this time he wasn't alone. A small child followed him. He was dressed in soft soled shoes and covered from the neck down in a long cloak though the amount of people made the hall quite warm. Nobody had cause to question his sex because his face was covered with a sack, with two holes cut for eyes. On anybody else it would have been the cause for laughter but on him, the never seen before bastard son, no comment was ever made. He sat beside his father behind the top table and waited for the first dispute to be put forward._

 _The first hour or so went smoothly, just as it normally did but no one seemed to relax. Conversation never restarted, everyone transfixed on the small boy who didn't seem to move a muscle. A man was brought in, flanked on either arm by two guards and if the hall was tense before it was nothing to how thick the air began to feel. The shaking man in question owed the Sheriff money and everyone knew that the Sheriff did not like to be kept waiting._

' _You still don't have it then?'_

' _No my Lord.' The man stuttered, 'buuuuu buuut I can have it within the month. I swear on God Almighty above._

' _Daniel,' the Sheriff replied sighing with comical exaggeration, 'that's what you said last month.'_

' _But this month I will definitely have it. You knnnnow winters been hard. Myyyyy wife's been sick.' Daniel was getting desperate, his eyes darting round the hall looking for help that no one could give, as the Sheriff leaned forward and placed his arms on the table._

' _Maybe a lesson in money management might help you out, hmmm.'_

' _My Lord?'_

 _The Sheriff didn't reply just leaned down and whispered in the ear of his son. Daniel was forced to his knees as the boy, without a word, picked up a knife from the table and walked down to the hall floor. He couldn't have been more than four foot as he came to stand in front of the now shaking and crying man. He turned and looked back at his father, just one look, who simply raised an eyebrow. The boy took a deep breath heard even at the back of the hall before sticking the knife in the man's eye._

 _The man rolled on the floor, dropped by the guards and screamed but the boy just walked back towards the table as his father laughed, 'his eye; his fucking eye, brilliant!'_

'Apparently he was sometimes seen after that.' Much continued, 'training in the courtyard, riding horses in the meadow but no one got too close and he was always wearing his cloak and sack. When, the Black Cloak finally emerged as we know him today everybody had already decided that he was an evil monster. A dog his father had created to do everything even the devil wouldn't do and from there the rumours grew.'

'You see, she was bad from the start.' Elliot cut in as the others sat in shock at Much's story. Olivia tried to kid herself that it was the smoke from the fire that made her eyes water. 'Made her own choices. She's playing us Olivia, attacking us from the inside. Kill her already and do the world a favour.'

'She was made to kill a man at seven, what about that is her own choice.' Amanda quickly yelled back, before Olivia could reply. 'You can't kill her Olivia. If a dog is beaten it's not its fault when it bites back.'

'He didn't hold her hand, tell her where to put the knife. You heard John, it was all her.' Elliot fired back, again before Olivia could respond.

'You haven't been here long Manda,' Finn stated in a quiet voice, 'you don't know everything she's done.'

'You're siding with him now?'

'I didn't say that-'

'You've all lived with the rumours, with the legend. Sure I might not have been here as long but that means I have a fresher view, an unbiased view.'

'I'm not saying kill her,' Finn said louder, over Amanda's interruption, 'I'm saying we can't forget what she's done.'

'None of you know what isolation can do to a person. How it can fuck you up.' Amanda stared at the fire, avoiding Casey's eyes as they'd risen to meet hers.

'You're being very quiet over their John,' Oliva said, 'your story was good to know but what do you actually think?'

Munch sighed heavily and ran a hand through his grey hair. 'I don't know. On the one hand she's the Black Cloak. She's been the Sheriff's dog her whole life, killed people. But on the other, we don't know what kind of life she's had. Yeah Elliot,' he said turning his body towards the large man, 'everybody has choices, all found on the scale of good to bad. It's just that some people only get to choose from the bad side of life. Is that then really a choice?'

They all fell silent as each pondered Munch's words, connecting to them in their own separate ways.

'A vote then. Live or die?' Olivia said addressing everyone. 'Only Alex knows what happened in her life. What the Sheriff did or didn't do. I can't kill her until I find out Elliot. I can't. Everybody deserves a second chance. We're not good enough, innocent enough to judge her and you know it. Find me man with clean hands who says Alex, not the Black Cloak, Alex, deserves to die and I'll swing the sword myself. But until then she lives.'

'Live' Amanda followed.

'Die.'

'Case-'

'Don't Olivia. You don't see the fear on every ones faces, every day, any time she's mentioned. You can escape from her crimes in to the forest. I've lived with them for years, day after day.'

Olivia looked betrayed but her friends face was hard. She wasn't going to change her mind quickly. Elliot and Munch hastily cast their own votes.

'Die. Liv she can't be trusted. For our safety she has to go.'

'Live.'

It was down to Finn. If he voted with Elliot and Casey they would be at a deadlock and the argument would continue till someone changed their vote.

'I'm trusting you.' He started, staring only at Olivia. 'I'm trusting your God forsaken judgement Liv and you'd better not be wrong or we'll all be murdered in our sleep. For now, let the woman live.'

Everyone's shoulder's slumped and though they had reached a decision there were no smiles. Elliot swore to himself that he would stay awake and keep guard over the others while the murderer was allowed to sleep beside them and though not all of the others had voted the same way they were all thinking the same thing. Just because they let Alex live, didn't mean they trusted her.

 **A/N. I was wondering if people had a preference for how post chapters. I can keep doing what I'm doing and post roughly daily updates but limit them to between 1500-2500 words or I can hold fire on the update and wait a few days but give a longer chapter when I do. I'm not sure what people would prefer, speed or length. If you have a preference then let me know and I can accommodate. If no one's bothered I'll keep posting as I like. :)**


	12. Silence

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Once it was decided that they were going to let Alex live Olivia had stood up and walked back into the cave. 'I'm going to untie her' she'd said and no one, not even Elliot had complained. Munch went about the business of preparing their evening meal and Finn went over to help him, not because of any desire to cut carrots but because he wanted something to take his mind off his thoughts. Amanda had walked over to the willow at the end of the ravine. The only tree that had managed to grow amid the stone it had thrust its roots into the river; just before the water disappeared into the rock face. Leaning her back against the gnarled trunk Amanda could see the whole gorge, saw as Casey rose about fifteen minutes after her and started walking her way. She'd hoped that Casey hadn't recognised her- she did look different now- but it seemed that her hopes were in vain.

She didn't acknowledge her as Casey sat down, cross-legged in front of her. She started throwing small stones in the water, watching as the river swept them away, rolling their cold smooth surfaces over her fingers.

'They don't know?'

Amanda didn't want to answer, wanted her silence to be enough but seeing that Casey wasn't going to go away, her face etched with determination, she kept her voice emotionless and her answers short. 'No.'

'They never asked?'

'Not for details.'

Casey opened her mouth to reply but Amanda cut her short as Olivia and tall blond emerged from behind the waterfall.

'That's her then.'

Casey turned and looked over her shoulder. 'She's thinner than I expected,' she said, a look of disgust on her face.

'Still looks kind of regal though. Even with her hair messed up.'

'Like she's got a stick up her ass you mean.'

'You still angry at what she did to you.'

'This isn't about me!' Casey said turning back to face her.

'It's always about us. We're all narcissists at heart. It doesn't matter where the anger comes from Casey it's still yours.'

'Forgive and forget then.' Casey said sarcastically.

'No one has the right to put themselves above others.'

'I held a mother in my arms as she wept because she didn't have enough money to feed her children. That woman there,' Casey turned back and stared towards Alex, 'had taken it all.'

'You can't put her father's taxes on her Casey, that's not fair.'

Casey only paused, made no move to agree or disagree. Part of her knew that Alex was more complicated than simply evil but most of her, the loudest part of her, could still feel that mother shaking her in arms.

The two of them sat silently for a time, watching as Alex and Olivia sat down round the fire, but they made no immediate move to join them.

'Do you think Olivia wants her?' Casey said suddenly, breaking the silence.

'What?'

'Do you think Olivia wants her?'

'Like sexually?'

'Yeah like sexually. Don't tell me you didn't know.' Casey was frowning again but this time at the ground, drawing small lines in the dirt with her little finger.

'About liv? Yeah I knew. It's not a big deal, nobody's bothered about it.'

Casey remained silent

'Are you?'

'She's my friend, I love her.' Casey still didn't look up.

'But….'

'But nothing. She's my friend and I love her. I shouldn't have brought this up.'

'Then why did you?'

Casey let a breath from her nose before saying quietly, 'I don't want her to get hurt. Whatever she's going to say to God is her business and as long as she hides it well enough it doesn't matter; God tells us to love everyone. But why the fuck does she want to keep her alive.'

'She told us, remember, second chances and judgement and-'

'Yes,' Casey interrupted tersely, 'that's what she told us, and I'm sure some of it's even true but Liv's not soft. She'd harder than you Amanda, she wouldn't have hesitated to kill Alex. There must be part of her that wants to save her, to have her even, and it's that part I'm worried about.'

* * *

The next few days had to have been the longest Alex had ever lived. Olivia had told her the other's names but not much else about them and it was strange to sit as an outsider in their camp. Munch was the self-proclaimed cook, not because he was especially good but because apparently everyone else was especially bad, and he happily fed Alex an assortments of stews and dishes he had made. Finn took Casey back to her village on the second day and Alex felt a stab of guilt when she thought of the burned house she had left behind. The red head had alternated between throwing her filthy looks and refusing to look at her all. At one point Alex thought about apologising for kidnapping her but then part of her would argue that Casey had been asking for it, harbouring criminals as she was. Her mind seemed to constantly swing back and forth between guilt and emptiness. One moment she wished that Elliot would kill her- as he so obviously wanted to do- yet the next her mind was clear and she was once again the emotionless statue she had learnt to be. It was easier, she had found, to not think about what she was doing. To not think about her life in the castle or about the fear she saw on people's faces whenever she arrived. Some days she could take pleasure in it, the power it made her feel but most of the time she forced herself to feel empty. To be ice even when fires were burning.

This was why she decided she couldn't speak. Olivia tried every day to get her to tell her about her childhood; about what she feeling; about what she wanted to do but Alex never answered. She'd spent most of her life mute, not allowed to speak but now that she finally could she found that she had nothing to say. She knew her upbringing had been different but she didn't know how. The isolation and gender lie were of course unusual but Olivia knew all about that already so what was the point in repeating it? She didn't know how anyone else was brought up so couldn't pinpoint what parts of her own life were strange. Part of her didn't want to know just how rare her life was, didn't want to discover just how different she was. Combined with her constantly changing thoughts Alex just ignored Olivia's questions. She didn't want to answer them; know how to answer; or had any consistent answers, so she just sat and watched and remained silent.

* * *

Elliot came up to her after about a week had passed as she was sitting against the willow tree. Olivia had gone hunting with Amanda- Alex had never seen anyone skin a rabbit quicker than Amanda could- and it was only her and the three men left at camp. Olivia had seemed nervous to go, and Alex wondered just whose safety she was scared for, hers or the men.

'You'd drown if you fell in there.' Elliot said sitting down beside her. Alex stared at the river, flowing into the dark hole in the rock face. She wasn't sure if Elliot was warning her or threatening.

'It continues on underwater for longer than anyone could hold their breath. We tested it with a stick once.' He threw a stone into the water and they both watched in silence as it was dragged away.

'Look Alex,' Elliot started, finally looking in her eyes, 'so if it were up to me you'd be dead. Fine you're sorry, whatever you've still got to pay. But it's not just up to me and so here you are just sitting.' He grinned but it was more of a grimace and it didn't reach his eyes. 'I just wanted to tell you that this whole silent thing isn't working for you. You're only alive because Olivia thinks you're "damaged" and wants to cure you but if you don't let her, then even she'll be left with no choice.' He slapped her knee with a false cheerfulness and ended with the advice to 'talk or die.'

* * *

She'd tried to take Elliot's advice that night. The others had retreated to the cave to sleep but she was still sitting up in front of the fire with Olivia. Sometimes, when all of them were sitting together eating or just talking they had to sit so closely that their legs touched. Alex had jumped the first time she had felt Olivia's warm thigh brushing against hers but she had quickly gotten used to it, come to enjoy the small touch as much as someone starved for contact would. Now it was only the two of them they sat opposite each other with the glowing embers between and Alex found she missed the warmth at her side.

Olivia was talking about her hunt that day. Describing the forest with such reverence that Alex came to understand that she didn't just live there to hide but that she actually loved it. She wanted to say something, anything but she just couldn't. It was as if there was gag in her mouth that prevented her from making even the slightest noise. A barrier in her mind that she just couldn't break through. She watched as the fire danced on Olivia's face, gave her brown eyes even more depth. She opened her mouth trying to get something out, anything but it still wasn't happening and now the air felt like it was choking her. She'd get like this sometimes at the castle. She'd be silent for days around the guards and servants so that when she finally got back to her rooms and her father came to speak to her it was easier not to reply. She could go for months without uttering a word, the pressure slowly mounting inside her chest. Even when she could speak, she couldn't, not till it all came bursting out, as if the barrier in her mind was broken from the sheer amount of sound caught her head. She'd scream into her pillow, into her cloak, anything to mask the sound and wait for the feeling to pass. Afterwards she could speak with ease, till her head filled once again and the process would have to be repeated.

She could feel the weight in her mind now, in her chest and prayed that it wasn't going to happen. Not now. Not in front of them all. She didn't understand, she spoken a week ago yet the scream was bubbling away and the words, actual words, wouldn't come. Her mouth was still open and she heard herself gasping. She was pleading in her head. _Not now. Please. Please_. Sobbing. _God. Say something. Anything._ She wanted to thank Olivia for her life. Wanted to scream at her for not letting her die. Wanted to cry. Wanted to stand up and kill them all for making her feel like she was somehow less than them.

She'd finally managed to close her mouth and was gritting her teeth, trying to swallow the noise she wanted to make. If screaming was the only option then she'd rather remain mute. She was concentrating so hard that she didn't realise that Olivia had walked round the fire and was kneeling in front of her. She felt two calloused palms cup her face and jerked away at the contact.

'No sweetheart. It's okay. It's going to be okay.' The fire wasn't hitting Olivia's eyes but to Alex they still seemed so deep. She never knew that brown could be so warm, so comforting. She felt herself emit a high keen from between her teeth, the sound a wounded animal might make and threw her head back to force it back down her throat. She wouldn't do this. Her body wouldn't betray her like this. God Elliot wanted her dead, the others hated her; she would not let them see her weak!

Olivia didn't remove her hands and Alex was bent double as if in pain. She could dimly hear, as if through water, Olivia trying to comfort her. Asking her what was wrong, holding her hands and face. She suddenly tried to get up and away but Olivia used her own momentum against her and pulled her down beside her.

If it were any other time Alex's mind would have been spinning at being held in Olivia's arms, the warmth surrounding her and the smell of the forest, soil and tree sap, but the scream left no room for anything else. She didn't want to let go. She knew that they'd all think it was for some terrible reason, some trauma from her childhood and she didn't want their pity, especially when it wasn't even true. It was only silence that was hurting her and what kind of weak person was she if silence could reduce her to screams.

'I've got you. Don't worry, I've got you,' Olivia was rocking her, holding her against her chest, 'don't worry sweetheart, just let it out.' And suddenly it was too much. The pressure in her chest came bursting out and though she tried to muffle it in Olivia's shirt she was screaming in the night. Loud howls that took all her breath. She wasn't crying, there were never any tears, only screams. She didn't know if the others had come running, guessed that they had, but she felt no one but Olivia. Felt nothing but the arms holding her close and the whispered comforts in her ear.

When it was over neither of them moved. Olivia kept rocking her and Alex felt her lips against her hair, though she wasn't sure Olivia was aware she was doing it. The confusion in her mind wasn't gone. The pain and emptiness was still there but now she could talk, now the words were there. She didn't turn her head, or acknowledge Oliva's arms just whispered a quiet 'thankyou' before giving into her body and drifting slowly to sleep.


	13. Home

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Olivia watched as Alex slept, though the sun had long before risen. She hadn't been able to sleep after carrying her into the cave so sat awake the whole night just watching. She had hoped that after their first conversation Alex would have wanted to talk, would have been happy to talk, but since that day she hadn't uttered a word. Olivia didn't understand what had happened the night before. One moment she had been talking, trying to get Alex to engage and the next Alex was gasping for breath and holding her fists so tightly on her legs her knuckles were white. It had scared her slightly as she had held her, waiting for the screaming to stop but it appeared as if Alex was sleeping better than she ever had.

The other's seemed to share her fear and even Elliot her pity as they had gathered round the sleeping woman that night. Munch had sighed after a while and shrugged his shoulders before going back to his mattress and Amanda and Elliot were quick to follow. Finn, seeing that she wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, had placed a hand on her shoulder and sat down beside her. They had both kept vigil that night but as the sun rose the others had slowly left the cave till only Olivia and Alex were left.

She loved how the cave looked in the day. The sun shining through the waterfall cast rippling shadows on the walls so it felt as if one were floating under water. She didn't mind that it was slightly damp or even a little cold because in those moments the waterfall seemed to be made of diamonds. Alex rolled over and Olivia watched as she slowly drifted to surface of consciousness her grey eyes coming to rest on hers.

'Good afternoon.'

'God is it that late?' Alex said, sitting up and leaning back against the wall.

'No,' Olivia smiled, 'I'm only messing. It is kind of late though. You needed the sleep I guess.'

Alex just stared, her melt down from the night before in the air between them. She didn't know what to say but Olivia jumped in to save her.

'You don't have to explain. It's not my business if you don't want it to be.'

Alex looked away at the floor, focusing on the cold wall at her back, stretching her legs out in front of her.

'I don't want your pity,' she started, twisting her fingers in her hands. 'My life has been different but nothing bad ever happened to me.'

'What do you class as bad?'

Alex's eyes shot up to meet Olivia, her anger coming fast and shocking her.

'I wasn't abused, so if your sick mind has gone there you can forget it,' she almost growled. Olivia didn't respond fast enough for Alex and the pity didn't leave her eyes so she continued, 'you see them don't you? You travel like me? In the villages the kids will come out, they hide behind their houses sometimes but they're always curious to see you. You can tell which ones are loved, which ones are feed, which ones are beaten and you can always tell which ones are hurt. It's in their eyes I think. Their eyes just don't have any life in them anymore, it's like their dead before they've even learnt how to live. Nobody ever hurt me like that Olivia and I don't want anyone's pity for something that never happened.'

Olivia had seen them. Knew exactly what Alex was talking about. What she didn't tell the blond was that she saw the exact same look in her eyes as she sat there in front of her. If Alex wanted to make the distinction between her and them then Olivia wasn't going to stop her. Not while she was talking.

'I believe you.'

They sat in silence for a time, each lost in their own thoughts and memories before Alex said in a quiet broken voice, turning her head to the side to hide her tears.

'God Olivia why am I alive?'

Olivia sat shocked at Alex's question, at her sudden show of vulnerability. 'You're a good person Alex,' she answered after a time. She wasn't sure exactly why she wanted the blond to live so badly, trusted her from the start but for some reason she did. Telling Alex she was good person was as close as she could come to explaining that gut feeling.

Alex threw her head back against the wall and laughed, tears clinging unshed to her eyelashes.

'There are three possibilities that explain who I am. One is that I'm a bad person. Two is that I'm a good person. Three is that good and bad do not exist.' She caught Olivia's eyes again to make sure she was paying attention. 'My father has spent his whole life trying to convince me of number three, and some days I believe him but at heart I think I do believe in my nursemaid's stories.

Two is impossible. I've watched as people's last penny was taken from them, as their homes were burnt; as their families were burnt; God!' the tears were back in her eyes, 'I've helped do it all. I gave up being a good person a long time ago. That only leaves number one. I'm a bad person. So I'll ask you again Olivia,' her voice once clear was now starting to choke, 'why the fuck am I still alive?'

Olivia leaned forward and took Alex's hands in hers, holding her chin when she tried to turn her face away. 'Alex look at me.' Alex kept her eyes on the cave wall. 'Alex! Look at me.' She slowly turned her eyes to meet Olivia's, unable to look away from the sincerity she found there.

'You are more than you think you are. I can't explain why I _know_ that, but I do. You are more than that man raised you to be.'

Alex swallowed as Olivia leant back and sat against the opposite side of the cave. She refused to cry no matter how many tears pooled in her eyes.

'Did you enjoy it?'

'What?' Alex was confused by Olivia's question.

'Did you enjoy it? Taking people's money, burning their homes.'

Alex remained silent before lowering her head and whispering to the ground.

'Sometimes.'

'How often.'

'What?' she was getting annoyed at Olivia's cryptic questioning.

'How often did you enjoy it? Every time, every other time, once in ten?'

Alex let her anger show on her face but Olivia only shrugged and waited for a response.

'I didn't exactly keep note! Maybe once a year.'

'How did you feel every other time?'

'Empty,' Alex looked down again, 'like it wasn't me, but the shell of me. As if my armour could move by its self and I was just stuck in it.'

Looking at the floor Alex missed the pain that crossed Olivia's face before she was able to school her expression.

'When I was in the Holy land,' Olivia said, 'I was part of a raiding band. We were attacking Saracen supply trains before they could reach Acre. One time it was blisteringly hot and I'd managed to burn really badly the day before so I was feeling sorry for myself. Angry at these men who thought they could take our Holy cities. We attacked a caravan and killed every one of the guards. I didn't use my bow that day, I wanted to watch as I killed them. I killed a boy, he barely had a beard, but do know Alex,' she waited for the blond to look at her, 'I felt happy. I enjoyed sticking the knife in his belly, paying him back for how bad I thought my life was. Am I a good person?'

'Of course.' Alex responded quickly.

'And yet I've just admitted I enjoyed hurting someone else, no different to you. Why am I good and you're bad?'

Alex shook her head. 'It's not the same Liv.' Olivia smiled inwardly at Alex's use of her nickname. 'You help people, you save people. So what if you killed a Saracen. That as war. You're doing the right thing now.'

'Can't you see Alex?' Olivia said ardently, 'It' all about choices, you just said it. Yes in my past I might have enjoyed killing but when I got back to England I knew I wanted to be a different person, a good person. You're just at a different stage of life to me that's all. We're the same it's just you're still stuck in the Holy land.'

Alex smiled softly but sadly. 'The difference is Liv that you got to come home. The "Holy land" is my home, I've got nowhere else to go.'

'Build a new home.'

'Where can I possibly do that?' Olivia made it sound so easy.

'With me.'

Olivia was shocked at her admission and Alex's wide eyes showed she was too. She hadn't thought about it just said exactly what she'd been thinking.

'I can be your home Alex.'

* * *

The hall was empty as the Sheriff paced back and forth in front of his lieutenant.

'Where the fuck is he! It's been a week, they can't have just vanished!' He shouted.

'We've searched the whole forest my Lord.'

'Well search it again because that bitch is holding my son captive!'

'Fucking move!' he screamed at the still stationary soldier, who scuttled backwards out of the hall.

He continued pacing, slowly wearing a hole in the wood. He didn't understand how Alex had let that archer bitch get the better of her but he was sure as hell going to find out when he got Alex back.

'My lord.'

A scared mousy looking man was standing in front of him.

'Who the fuck let you in?' he said dangerously, still angry and happy to take it out on anyone.

'The guards my lord, I may have some information about the Black Cloak.'

He stood shaking slightly before an impatient 'well' from the Sheriff started him talking.

'It was the night before Benson's hanging my Lord. I didn't come sooner because I wasn't sure, thought the Black Cloak would be found and all,' he paused but the Sheriff didn't criticize him he continued, getting faster with every word.

'I had a bet with Edward in the kitchen see. We both wanted Maggie and decided to let her choose you know. She chose him so I thought it best to drown my sorrows. I drank a little too much perhaps and fell asleep by the stables. I woke up for no reason I thought, but after a while I heard voices from behind the stable. It was the Black Cloak and that Benson woman talking. She, Benson that is, then walked through the wall and the Black Cloak walked back. I pretended to be asleep till the alarm was sounded.'

The sheriff stopped pacing but didn't say anything.

'Was I wrong to tell you my lord?'

'No.' he said airily, as if he'd forgotten the man was there, 'No you weren't wrong. Have you told anyone else per chance?'

'No my Lord, I wasn't too sure what I'd seen.'

'Good. That's good, keep it that way will you.' He smiled, 'you did well to tell me this.'

The man nodded and quickly left the hall at the Sheriff's hand, happy to not have gotten into trouble.

The sheriff went back to pacing but this time he was muttering under his breath.

Alex had betrayed him. His own daughter had betrayed him. Now it was all the more important that he find them both. He'd run a knife through that green backed whore in front of her then remind Alex just whose family she belonged to.


	14. Betrayal

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Things became easier at the camp after their conversation. Alex, though not exactly a chatterbox, started to talk to the others. She asked Finn about his homeland and the dry sands and yellow cities he had left. She would listen as Munch would explain his most recent theory about the book of revelation as they prepared the camps meals. She and Amanda would play draughts, not talking but existing in a comfortable silence as they moved the coloured pebbles across the board. Elliot, alone, remained wary, still not trusting that Alex wasn't working against them. He sat down with her one day and quizzed her about the castle and her father, asking about the amount of guards and how often they rotated. Alex answered as best she could, not being directly involved in the running of the keep and in the end it was a pointless conversation because Alex didn't really know and Elliot didn't trust the answers she gave anyway.

She took over the running of their laundry. Every two days or so their clothes would be washed in the pool, rubbed with lavender soap that Casey brought them from the market at York.

'I did all my own washing at the castle, Olivia.' Alex had told her. 'My father didn't trust that someone wouldn't guess I was a woman from my washing so made me do it myself. I don't mind doing it.'

Olivia had complained at first but after seeing that Alex really didn't mind and that it helped make her feel like a part of the camp she was happy to throw all her clothes at the blond.

The weeks past and late June became late July and Alex became a normal part of life, even Elliot started to mellow to her. The only sign that there was any mistrust left was that she was always made to stay in the cave any time anyone left. She assumed that there was a path up the rock face by the waterfall, a handhold that wasn't visible till you were climbing and someone pointed it out to you. No one made a big deal out of this secrecy but it was there all the same.

'What's you're actual story, I mean beyond the rumours?' Alex asked one day. She and Olivia were sitting alone in the cave, Alex's head resting in Olivia's lap. They had grown closer over the weeks and though there was still a tension between them neither of them wanted to bring it up lest it shatter the delicate peace they had built.

'What do you mean my story?'

'You know, how you became the famous Olivia Benson, defender of the weak. I've told you stuff about me but I barely know anything about you.'

Olivia opened her mouth to argue that beyond the bare minimum Alex hadn't told her anything about herself but decided that was a conversation for another day. 'There's not much to tell Alex.'

Alex didn't reply just looked up into Olivia face or after sigh started.

'I was an only child. Born to quite rich parents on the other side of the forest. My father taught me to shoot almost as soon as I could stand and when I was old enough all I wanted to do was join the crusade, to fight for God. My mother didn't really want me to go but in the end my father allowed it and I joined the King's army.'

Alex was listening intently, hardly daring to breathe in case Olivia stopped.

'I was sixteen when I travelled to the Holy lands and I fought well. But after a while war become too much. It's endless killing over there, the sand is always stained red and it just didn't seem so glorious anymore. I left, didn't tell my commander I was going, just got a horse and left. I met Finn on my way home and I think he was feeling the same as me. I sold him on stories of green trees and my mother's cooking and he, for some mad reason, decided to come with me.

When I got home, I learnt my parent had died and that my home had been taken by someone else, everyone thinking I was dead, I'd been gone for so long. I was angry for a time. Angry that the home I was looking forward to, the home that had got me through the worse of my war was never going to exist again. Finn stayed with me though, I'm not sure why, maybe he had nowhere else to go.

I emerged from my grief and started travelling, not far just around the forest mainly. What I saw didn't help me get rid of the anger. Everywhere people were struggling, people were dying; it killed me that no one seemed to care.

One day, I was in a village, I forget which now, and the tax man arrived. I watched as people I knew who could barely feed their families gave almost everything they had to a man dressed in gold cloth. I followed him on the road and watched as he did the same to every village he came to and suddenly I couldn't control my anger. I killed him that night and took all the money. I expected Finn to be angry with me for bringing trouble on us, but he just listened then helped me give the money back.

After that things just kind of snowballed. Elliot joined us next, we'd known each other since we were children and his wife had just died in childbirth, the child going with her, so normal life didn't really appeal to him anymore. He found us one day and has been with us ever since.

Munch came next. His monastery had thrown him out for un-monk like behaviour. He's never told us exactly what he did and no ones that bothered to ask, but sometimes I do wonder.

Amanda showed up about a year ago. Still hasn't told us exactly why a teenager wants to live in the forest with a bunch of misfits but she fits in well and works hard so when she'd ready, if she wants to, she'll tell us why she's here.' Olivia seemed to come to and realise how long she'd been talking. She smiled down at Alex who was still looking up at her face. 'That's it. Nothing too special, just me.'

Alex wanted to tell her that there was no 'just' when it came to her but for some reason bit her tongue. She didn't know what was happening between the two of them and didn't want to explore it too deeply, happy to just lay there with Olivia's hands running through her hair.

'I'm sorry the world hurt you Olivia.' She said sincerely.

'I was a long time ago, Alex, everything's okay now.' Olivia smiled.

* * *

It was the first week of August when things changed. Amanda and Finn had left earlier that morning to go and visit Casey and Munch had gone with them to forage for herbs and roots. Alex woke to the sound of Elliot and Olivia arguing but she couldn't make out the exact word over the sound of the water. She was always one of the last to wake and often in the morning she would just lay on her mattress and listen to the sounds of the others beginning their days before rolling onto the rock and seeing if there was any breakfast left.

That morning there was no time for breakfast. Olivia came in to the cave and told her quickly to get dressed. Emerging into the sunlight, already warm although it was early, it was obvious that Olivia had won the fight from the look on Elliot's face.

'We have to leave and you can't be left alone so you're coming with us.' Alex had learnt from the start not to be offended by Elliot's tone or the accusation that she couldn't be trusted alone with their things. She didn't say anything just looked over to Olivia who was smiling and belting her quiver to her waist.

'You ready?' Alex shrugged at Olivia's question looking down at her clothes. She'd borrowed some brown breeches from Olivia and they fit rather well if in need of a belt and her own white shirt was looking remarkably less white from multiple washes but apart from that her appearance was as good as it was ever going to be.

Elliot started up the rock face first and Alex was quick to follow. She watched where he put his hands and they followed the path she had picked out with her eyes before but when they were about three quarters of the way up it was as she had imagined. The rock bulged out above them and the smooth surface gave no indication of where one could place their hands. Elliot heaved himself over the outcrop and if it wasn't for him pointing down and showing her what looked like smooth rock but actually had small grooves one could cling to, she wouldn't have been able to climb up.

'Where are we going?' Alex finally asked, as Olivia led them over to two horses. Amanda had told her before that they sometimes kept mounts tied nearby in case they needed to travel far in only a day.

'A village over near the south side of the forest.' Olivia replied, saddling a horse. 'We have some things we need to give them and it couldn't really wait. I thought you could help us.'

'Won't they recognise me?' Alex was slightly afraid. She'd never been out amongst strangers without her armour before and didn't exactly like the prospect.

'How could they,' Olivia assured her, 'they know the Black cloak and as a tall man with grey eyes who never speaks. You're going to be my friend from London, a blond haired woman, whose eyes, without the shadow of a helmet, appear almost blue. There's no connection.'

'What if my father hears about it?'

'Why would he. What cause would the villagers miles away have to tell the Sheriff about a woman who was helping his enemy? Don't worry Alex.'

Alex wasn't entirely convinced and she could tell from Elliot's face and silence that his thoughts mirrored hers but she decided to trust Olivia and mounted the horse behind her.

They entered the village around noon and the people in the fields stopped working to meet them. A small crowd gathered in front of the church and greeted Olivia and Elliot like old friends. Alex's worries were proved baseless as apart from the slight mistrust of strangers no one treated her harshly. Olivia started handing out the blankets that were tied to the back of the horses and the constant knitting at the camp suddenly made sense.

'We raided a caravan going to the castle one day,' she explained to Alex with a wink, 'and in it there were these massive balls of wool. It was supposed to be the Sheriff's bed, new linen and such but we thought we could make better use of it.'

Alex could remember that day. Her father had thrown a fit when he'd be told that the material was lost.

'We decided to make blankets for the people around. Winter can be cold if all you've got are thin cloths and wooden walls.' She pressed some of the rough wool into Alex's hands and indicated that she was to start handing them out. Alex was at a loss for a moment but hesitantly handed a blanket to a young girl. She smiled and Alex saw that her two front teeth were missing so that when she uttered an embarrassed thank you it came out as a lisp.

The day passed quickly and soon all the blankets had been given away. Alex, who was used to fear and anger didn't know what to make of the smiling faces that greeted hers or what to say when they were invited for dinner. Everyone was laughing and although there wasn't much to go around everyone got some bread and a new ale casket was opened.

Olivia watched as Alex smiled at the villagers. Her eyes were shining and often Olivia heard her laugh bringing a smile to her own lips. She wanted Alex to know what it felt like to be the good person for a change. To be the one that everyone was happy to see. She watched as Alex played with the children, so obviously out her depth but trying to be kind all the same. As they were riding home that evening she tried to ask Alex what she was feeling but the one word answers and sometimes grunts made her stop and just enjoy the feeling of Alex leaning back against her.

She started to worry however when Alex's silence didn't lift that evening. They were all back enjoying dinner, Finn telling them all about Casey's latest refusal. The poor man only lasted an hour in the house before storming out claiming he'd never met a ruder Lady. Alex laughed along with the rest of them but to Olivia it sounded hollow and empty and she worried that Alex was slipping back into bad habits.

That night she couldn't sleep. She lay still on her side but thoughts about Alex and the day wouldn't stop running through her mind and though everyone else was snoring she lay awake.

Or at least she thought everyone else was snoring. In the middle of the night, when the moon was high, she heard someone get up and leave the cave. She lay there for a moment not wanting to invade someone's privacy but curiosity got the better of her and she crept out of the cave after them.

She felt her heart drop to her stomach as she watched Alex climb the rock face. Elliot's warnings about not showing her to get out played through her head but she'd thought that after all this time her and Alex had become friends. She had trusted her and yet it seemed at the first opportunity Alex had betrayed them.

 **I would just like to take a moment to reiterate that there will be graphically written scenes coming up so continue at your own discretion.**


	15. I want you to feel loved

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia followed Alex up and out of the ravine. Dressed in only a loose fitting shirt and some breeches that ended at the knee she kept her distance from the blond and walked soundlessly behind. It didn't look as if Alex had any direction in mind, wandering to and from the trees as she was. Olivia couldn't believe that she would betray them. The pain she had seen in Alex's eyes had been real, the need for help had been real so why would she now run back to her father? She followed as Alex neared the road but before either one of them could step foot on it she called out.

'Alex!'

Alex whirled round. Olivia had been silent through the trees and she had no idea she was being followed. 'Stay away from me Liv!' she called back.

'Where are you going Alex?' the blond shrugged and went to walk away again. 'Alex!' she didn't stop. 'Alex! For God sake you can't leave, where would you even go?'

Alex suddenly spun and came charging towards Olivia. She stopped, panting, about a sword's length away and in a choked voice screamed, 'I don't care. Anywhere! Anywhere but here.'

Olivia was shocked to see that Alex was crying, great heaving sobs wrenching through her chest. 'Alex' she said in a quiet voice, stepping forward and reaching out a hand.

'No! Don't touch me,' Alex backed away. 'I can't…..can't bear it.'

'Everything's going to be okay, come on; come home.' Olivia tried again, this time staying where she was.

'Stop saying that!' Alex screamed, her voice echoing through the leaves. 'Nothings going to be okay. It can never be okay…. You keep telling me I have choices but I don't. I cant undo it….I cant. Those people today were so good….so beautiful. They have us food when they had none. I've never… never known that kindness and I don't deserve it. If they knew who I really was…..God if they knew…. I keep trying to tell myself it wasn't me. It was father. It was his orders, his armour…..but its all lies. It always been me. My hand….my arm…. my heart…..I cant…. I cant…..God Olivia stop asking me to.'

'Alex the person those villagers saw today was you.' Olivia said slowly.

'No!'

'Yes. You can't spend your whole life killing yourself for the past. Look forward, look to who you can be, who you are.' Alex shook her head. Olivia cast round for something else to say, something that would convince of her of the truth. 'It may have been your hand,' she finally settled on, 'your arm, but I swear on God it was never your heart Alex.'

'I'm… sorry….' Alex's chest was heavy and every word was forced round a sob, 'I'm sorry… I'm…not… good enough for you.'

Alex turned to walk away but before she could Olivia came charging forward. She grabbed Alex's face and brought her lips crashing down, her momentum pushing them both back till Alex landed flat on the floor with Olivia's weight on top of her. Olivia could taste the salt of Alex's tears on her lips but after the blond had gotten over her initial shock she was kissing Olivia back. The two woman, who days ago had been enemies were laid on the forest floor, pressed as closely as two people could be. Olivia, unlike their first kiss, was able to take her time, to tease Alex's lips with her teeth and run her tongue around her mouth. She smiled at the feel of Alex moving against her, all enthusiasm and no skill. It was obvious that the younger woman had little to no experience and Liv slowed the kiss down, till what was wet mouths and clashing teeth became slow and sensual. Tongues slowly rubbing against each other. Alex let Olivia take the lead, let her show her what to do and soon her breath was coming in gasps and a heat had settled low in her stomach.

Olivia sat up and straddled Alex's hips. 'You've always been good enough for me,' she said, trying to put as much love as she could into the words. Alex watched as Olivia drew her shirt over her head. Neither of them cared that they were laid in the long grass beside the road, in sight of anyone who travelled too close. She felt paralyzed, tears still clinging to her eyes lashes, as she finally saw what she'd imagined so many times. Olivia's muscles were defined by her life in the forest, the only softness on her torso coming from her breasts. They were slightly bigger than Alex had expected, the same bronze tone as the rest of her skin. Olivia brought Alex's hand up to cup one gently and it was if the movement cured her stillness. She lifted her other hand to Olivia's hip while pressing slightly at the breast she held, feeling the dark nipple harden under her palm. Olivia moaned as she leaned forward to kiss Alex again, the weight of her breast filling Alex's hand as they fell forward. Her hair fell like a curtain around their heads and Alex bit lightly at Olivia's lip.

She'd wanted Olivia since the first day she'd seen her and now it was finally happening Alex didn't know what to think. She was still panting but couldn't tell if it was from the tears or from Olivia. Her scent was everywhere Alex breathed, the lavender of Casey's soap on the surface but the bitterness of tree sap and damp soil underneath. She couldn't get enough of the skin under her hands but at the same time the heat pooling between her legs was getting too much, every sense overloaded with Olivia.

Olivia drew her up in a sitting position and pulled her own shirt from her body. Alex felt the cold on her arms, felt the wind harden her nipples and brought her hands round to cover herself.

'No don't do that' Olivia whispered.

' _No don't do that.'_

 _He'd come to stand behind her, pressing his body against her back. It was late and she was getting ready to sleep but he'd come into her chambers just before she got into bed._

' _You did well today Alexandra.'_

' _Thank you father.' She'd ridden out to a nearby village to collect some debtor's money earlier that day and had arrived back with most of the money and the hand of a man who couldn't pay. He'd been sending her out since she was fifteen and two years later she was an old hand at dealing with the peasants._

 _She'd been brushing her hair by the mirror when he'd came in and after his praise of her actions he brought his hand up to the ties of her nightgown. She watched her reflection as he pulled the linen off her shoulders to pool round her feet. Her expression didn't change, it never did when he did his inspections, but she did raise her hands to cover herself. He brought his eyes up to meet hers, 'No don't do that,' he'd said, pulling her arms away and running his hands down her body._

' _You're too skinny Alexandra.' He ran his hand down her ribs and over her hips, the bones standing proud. His fingers moved though the blond hairs between her legs and she could hear his heavy breathing in her ear._

' _You need more muscle if you're going to convince anyone you're a man.' His hand had moved to her breasts. 'These however. You'll have no problem convincing anyone your male with these. God, Alex, I thought they'd grow as you got older but even now I'm not sure anyone could call these tits.' He laughed as she twisted one her nipples between his fingers and she worked hard to keep her expression neutral._

 _With one last look down her body he patted her arse before turning and leaving the room, shouting 'eat more' as he went._

 _Alex stood shivering in front her mirror, finally letting the shame show in her eyes._

'Alex! Alex' she could hear Olivia calling her, but it was as if it was from far away. She slowly became aware that she was sitting on the forest floor, her knees against her chest, as Olivia crouched in front of her.

'Sorry they're not very big.' She tried to smile and pretend nothing had happened as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

Olivia brought her hand up and cupped the side of her face. 'Don't worry,' she smiled back 'it's greedy to want more than a handful.'

'I guess I'm greedy then.' Alex replied looking down at Olivia's still uncovered breasts. She leaned forward and kissed her smiling face.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Olivia asked when Alex leaned away.

The memory came flooding back again and Alex hated that she couldn't control the tears that spilled down her cheeks or the sobs that shook her chest. 'It's not bad Olivia, I swear. I swear I wasn't….. he never…. I…. I haven't…. with anyone…. please believe me….. please I haven't…. Please' Alex cried, once again struggling with her words, getting more and more agitated as she spoke.

Olivia pulled her into her arms and their bare chests pressed together. 'Shhhhhh I believe you, I believe you. But Alex,' she made the blond look at her, 'sweetheart something happened. Something hurt you and I just want to help. Please let me help.'

Alex rested her head back on Olivia's chest and took a shaky breath before starting. 'My father would come in sometimes and decide that I would need an inspection. When I was younger he would just come in during bath time and sit and watch but as I got older it changed. He'd comment on how I'd look. He always said my breasts were too small. That I was too skinny, too tall, too fat, too ugly. When I was thirteen and started to bleed I thought I was dying, before he explained it but from then on he did more than just comment. He would put,' Alex's voice got ragged and she struggled to get her words out over the sobs,'

'Shhh it's alright sweetheart, you can tell me. It's alright.' Olivia comforted her, rocking them both slightly.

'He'd put a finger inside me. Not far but it wouldn't feel good. He said I couldn't put anything near there or he'd know. I couldn't go near any of the guards or servants or he'd know. That I was his, his secret and no one else's. One day when I was maybe sixteen he came and afterwards he screamed that I'd broken my promise. That I'd let someone touch me, but I swear I hadn't. He tied me to the bed and left me for days. Then one day this other man shows up starts touching me and my father just let him. They left and I was let out again but I still don't know what I did wrong. I didn't Olivia, I promise. I'm sorry…..I'm sorry.'

Olivia was appalled at Alex's story and was happy that she couldn't see the pain written across her face. She knew what the Sheriff was feeling for but decided that now wasn't the time to explain to Alex what it was.

'Did you ever fight back?' she asked.

'No. I never really knew it wasn't normal and it made him happy. I wanted to make him happy. Besides he never did anything else. It isn't bad because nothing else happened. I'm not one of those children. I'm not….I'm not.' Alex became overcome with tears once again.

'Shhhhh, it's not your fault Alex. It's not your fault.'

'I've ruined it.' Alex replied when she got her breathing back under control.

'Ruined what sweetheart, everything's fine.'

'I've ruined it. It was supposed to be perfect. I wanted you to want me…. And…. And I couldn't….'

'Alex. Alex look at me. You haven't ruined anything. I promise. I've wanted you for a long time too,' Alex looked up shocked. 'but there's no rush. We can take this slow, get use to each other. I want you…..' she felt herself get choked, 'I want you to feel loved Alex.'

They looked at each other for a long time, neither wanting to look away, but the cold made Alex wish for her shirt. They both redressed exchanging small smiles as they did so.

'Common, let's go home.' Olivia offered her hand and Alex took it, both of them standing. Alex went to say that she wanted Olivia to feel loved too. That she wanted to give her everything and that she was sorry she was too broken to do so but Olivia suddenly pounced on her and forced her to the ground.

While they been speaking they hadn't notice the convoy on the road, coming straight towards them.

 **A/N: Okay, so I'd meant to save this till tomorrow so I was one chapter ahead (so busy days like Thursday don't disrupt daily updates) but apparently I need constant feedback so it's being posted now :P**

 **I haven't written anything like this before so any constructive feedback would be useful especially regarding the flash back, hopefully it wasn't too jarring? and that the rest of it read realistically.**


	16. Family

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

 **I've stolen and paraphrased a bit from Arthur Miller's _The Crucible_ so bonus points if you recognise it. **

Olivia and Alex crouched in the long grass beside the road. They hoped that in the darkness of the cloudy night the carriage would miss them. Olivia wondered who would be travelling this deep in the forest this late at night and raised her eyes to stare at the figures who rode past.

There were five men on horseback, dressed in breastplates and the blue livery of the Sheriff. One rode point while the other four surrounded a black closed carriage. The noise of the wheels echoed close to their heads and they prayed that none of the guards saw fit to look down. Olivia stared as they rode past and in the window of the carriage she saw briefly the outline of a boy. She heard Alex gasp beside her and one of the trotting horses snorted at the noise. Luckily his rider didn't seem to notice.

They both waited till the party were both out of sight and sound before they rose to their feet. Alex, Olivia saw, was thinking hard, a million thoughts running through her head.

'You recognised him?' she asked.

Alex looked back at the dirt road twisting through the trees. Yes she had recognised him. The brown hair that curled at the base of his neck; the weak chin; the grey eyes. He'd changed since she last saw him, but then boys were known to do that.

'Yes,' she replied, 'he's my brother.'

'Oh.' Olivia didn't know how to reply. She didn't know how Alex felt, whether she was close to the boy or not and wasn't sure exactly how to ask. Alex's face was giving nothing away. 'Last I heard he was over in Northumbria with some Lord.' She said awkwardly, crossing her arms over her chest.

'Sir John, Duke of Northumbria' Alex corrected quickly, still not looking away from the road. 'He was sent away when he was eight, I was nineteen.'

'I was away then, I think. I'm only two years older than you and I didn't get back from the Holy land till I was twenty four. I knew the Sheriff had a son of course but I didn't learn till later that he was sent away for teaching.' She was rambling which wasn't like her but Alex's stiff posture and her blank tone were worrying her slightly. 'It's not unusual though, you know for boys to be sent away. The nobility have it in their heads that other people are best suited for raising their children. I don't get it personally but then I guess I'm not nobility. It's strange though isn't it, for him to be coming back so soon. He's what, fourteen now, boys don't normally come back till at least sixteen, eighteen. Alex?'

'Hmmm,' Alex had been lost in her own thoughts and was only half listening to what Olivia was saying. 'Yes it's strange.' She said finally turning away from the road, 'I don't know why my father's done this.'

Her forehead was creased in worry. 'Were you close?' Olivia asked.

'No not really. But he was a kind boy. I'd see him from my window feeding the animals and playing with the other children. He may look like my father but he has none of his nature. I was happy for him when he went away.'

'So your father couldn't hurt him like he'd hurt you.'

'My father never hurt me Olivia.'

Olivia said nothing. She'd held Alex crying in her arms not five minutes ago because of the abuse she'd suffered.

'Alex…' she started

'Don't Liv. Don't make more out of what I told you than what it is. I just panicked before, that's all.'

'Alex what he did to you isn't normal, it's not okay.'

'But it doesn't matter. I'm fine. It never hurt me, not really. Other people have it worse.' Alex hated anything that made her different from other people. She couldn't accept that she'd given Olivia another reason to view her as abnormal.

'If you're fine Alex,' Olivia asked gently, 'why are you so scared of your brother coming home.'

'I'm not scared.'

Olivia raised an eyebrow.

'I'm not scared, I'm just…. perplexed. The only reason my father would have for bringing him home early is because I'm not there. He's bored maybe.

'Okay.' Olivia wasn't entirely convinced but let Alex keep her denial. 'Well whatever the reason young William has returned.' She smiled and took Alex by the arm turning and walking with her back towards camp.

They walked in silence for a time when suddenly Alex yanked her arm away and turned towards the road once again. 'I have to go back.'

'Wait what.' Alex was already walking back through the trees and Olivia had to run to catch up. 'Alex what are you doing? You can't go back!'

'Why not. My father doesn't know I helped you. He probably thinks I've been your prisoner. I can say I escaped and…'

'Alex he won't believe that!' Olivia was scared, a cold and determined look had entered Alex's eyes and she wasn't sure that she could convince her otherwise now she had obviously made up her mind. She placed and hand in the middle of Alex's chest and stopped her steps. 'Alex, you just told me what your father did never hurt you and that you're not scared for your brother. What possible reason could you have for going back?'

Alex couldn't bring herself to admit that she was scared her father, without her there, would turn his abuses on his son. She still wanted to believe, and some stubborn part of her did, that her childhood had been mainly normal, that what she had told Olivia was true for many noble women. But the rest of her feared for her brother. She wanted to make sure that he was being treated well, treated kindly.

As she stood there she came to realise that she'd been kidding herself for the past weeks. Olivia said that she could build a family here; that she would become her home but Alex knew she already had a home, had a family. Yes her father might not be the best but he had cared for her, given her clothes and food, taught her everything she knew. He loved her, she was sure of that. And her brother. Her sweet innocent brother. What kind of person was she if she just abandoned him? No, she was sure now that whatever Olivia told her she had to go back. The sight of the teenager, her same grey eyes shining back at her, made her realise that she had a family, she had a place and she had to go back to it.

'I'm sorry Olivia, but they're my family.'

'We're your family Alex!' Olivia was shouting now, fear behind every word. 'You belong with us.'

'That's not true and you know it. That goodness we felt today is not meant for me. Your life is not meant for me.'

'Alex please!' Olivia was now walking backwards against Alex's steps, her hand still over Alex's heart. 'What will you tell him huh? How will you explain why you've been gone so long?'

'That's simple. You've been keeping me captive. Moving me through the forest at night, always a bag over my head, tied to trees and what not.' Alex knew her explanation had holes but hoped that her father would be so happy to see her that he wouldn't question her too closely.

'No!' Olivia said shaking her head, 'you can't do this. It's killing you. You can't be that person again, please.'

'If you're worried that I will give your camp away, don't be. I won't do that to you Olivia. I'm not betraying you I promise; I just have to go back.'

The idea of betrayal had never entered Olivia's head. Yes she had thought it when she had first seen Alex leave but after their whole conversation and Alex confiding in her she trusted the blond explicitly. 'I know that Alex, I trust you, I know you. I don't understand why you think you have to do this.'

'I'm not who you think I am,' Alex's voice had remained calm though Olivia's was choked by the tears pooling in her eyes. 'I told you; you're building this life, this concept, that I can't even understand. They may not be perfect Olivia but those two men at the castle are the only family I've got. God himself tells us we can't walk away from our families, from our blood.'

'What about me!' Olivia played the last card she had. She couldn't bear for Alex to go. Knew that, even if Alex wouldn't admit it, she was too good, too moral to survive the life the sheriff made her lead. Over the months Olivia had come to care for the blond in a way she didn't know existed. She wasn't the Black Cloak to Olivia anymore, she was Alex.

Alex felt herself stop. They had reached the road again and though it was many miles to the castle she was ready to walk them. Olivia's words had hit her hard. She knew that part of her, even if God said it was abhorrent, lusted after Olivia but what she hadn't expected was to care so deeply for her. Olivia, in her eyes, was the best of people. The most caring and loving person Alex had ever met and it almost tore her heart in two to walk away but she knew she had to.

She took a step towards Olivia and placed her hands on either side of her face before bringing her lips slowly down and kissing her. Unlike their other two kisses this one was slow, kind, and through it Alex tried to speak all the words of love she knew would never pass her tongue. She felt rather than saw the tears fall from Olivia's eyes and wet her own cheeks as their tongues moved in sync together.

They broke apart and Alex used her thumbs to wipe away the moisture under Olivia's eyes. 'You're the best person I've ever met.' She started, not looking away from the brown depths of Olivia's irises. 'I know that if I ever get sad thinking about all the dragons in the world, I need only think of you and I'll be reminded of all the knights that are there to fight them. You have your family Olivia and I know you would do anything to protect them. You have to let me protect mine.'

Olivia choked back her sobs as Alex stepped away and walked back down the road. She didn't even know what to call what she and Alex had, they'd barely even touched, but she felt closer to her than she had to anyone. She was dying to run after her and give her another reason to stay, beg her not to go back to a place where everyone hurt her. But she didn't. She knew that Alex thought her leaving proved her depravity. Proved that she wasn't worthy enough to stay with them but Olivia knew that it meant the opposite. Alex was going to protect a boy she barely even knew and in doing so she had found her goodness and Olivia couldn't bear to take it from her.

She sank to her knees and stared after Alex, already lost in the darkness, and cried. Cried for the pain she knew Alex was walking back to. Cried for the pain in her heart at losing someone she knew she was growing to love and cried for the world that was once again going to know the Black cloak and would never get the chance to know and love Alex.


	17. Risk

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia was sitting by the fire when Elliot woke. She stared unseeing as he walked from behind the waterfall, stretching and pulling on his shirt as he went. After she had run out of tears to cry she had stumbled back to the camp in a daze, only her muscle memory preventing her from falling down the rock face. She felt Elliot sit beside her and knew that she couldn't hide her red eyes so made no move to do so.

'Morning,' he said reaching over for their store of bread, 'where's Alex, I didn't see her sleeping.'

'Gone.'

'What?' Elliot replied absentminded, focused on retrieving his breakfast.

'Gone.' Olivia said again, clearing her throat that was rough from crying.

Elliot stopped what he was doing and finally noticed Olivia's dishevelment. 'What do you mean gone. Like escaped?' he said alarm in his voice.

Olivia didn't reply, only bent her head and ran a hand through her hair, feeling tears prick at her eyes again.

'Olivia we have to go,' Elliot said urgently, placing a hand on her shoulder. 'We can't stay here. She knows where we are!' When Olivia gave no response he got up and ran back into the cave, shouting at the others to wake and start packing their things.

The others came out into the sun in varying degrees of undress and confusion. Amanda was holding her sword as if she was expecting an attack. Elliot was still urging speed and used to a life of evading soldiers as they were Finn was quick to follow him. Move first, ask questions later.

Munch however, walked slowly over to Olivia and crouched down in front of her. 'What happened Liv?'

She shrugged slightly, and in a small voice replied, 'she had to go.' She felt the pain swell up within her again like the waves of the sea she had travelled to the Holy land and bent her back trying to survive the new swell.

It wasn't until Amanda came and started to scatter the fire that Olivia came back to. Her eyes that were before dulled by pain began to see the commotion going on around her.

'What's happening?' she asked of no one in particular.

The others all paused in their tasks and Elliot who was crouched behind her, tying the cooking pots in cloths to carry, answered. 'We're leaving Liv. Alex has escaped remember. She could lead the Sheriff here any minute.'

'We don't need to leave Elliot,' Olivia said twisting round to see him, 'she won't do that.'

'Why else would she escape Olivia?'

'She didn't escape.' Olivia's voice had grown stronger and she was once again fully back in control.

Finn, Amanda and Munch who had restarted their tasks paused once again and this time moved closer till all of them were gathered in a rough circle around the remains of the fire.

'You let her go?' Elliot said, anger dripping off every word. He walked round till her was face to face with her.

'She won't betray us Elliot.' Olivia said instead of answering.

'God!' Elliot brought his hands up to his short hair and grasped his head in disbelief.

'What happened Liv?' Munch asked quietly while Elliot tried to get his breathing under control.

'We were up over by the road…'

'What were you doing over there?' Elliot interrupted, as the others sat down to listen. He was still pacing slightly in front of Olivia, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying not to be too angry at his oldest friend.

'It was a warm night, we both couldn't sleep, and we went for a walk. Nothing sinister behind that El.' Olivia decided not to mention that she had followed Alex and that their 'walk' wasn't exactly a pre-arranged ramble. 'We were just walking when we heard people on the road. We hid and some of the Sheriff's men rode past surrounding a carriage.' Everyone was now silent, listening to Olivia talk and even Elliot had stopped pacing. 'I didn't recognise any of them but after they had passed Alex said the boy in the carriage was her brother. She was scared that her father would turn his attentions on him now she was gone,' Olivia felt tears pool in her eyes again and squeezed them shut to stop them falling. 'She wanted to go and protect him, said that they were her family. I couldn't stop her.'

Elliot looked down at his friend and saw the pain that she was in. He knew that her and Alex had been growing close and didn't doubt that their walk was perhaps just an excuse to be alone but he still couldn't trust Alex like Olivia did. He drew her to her feet and walked with her to the willow tree, so he could speak to her without the others overhearing.

'Liv,' he began quietly, catching and holding her eyes, 'I know how you feel about her but we _have_ to leave.'

'She won't betray us Elliot. She won't tell anyone what she's learnt, she promised me.'

'I'm not saying she's lying,' Elliot replied trying a different tact- he did believe that Alex had been lying- 'but that she _could_ be. If it were just you, just me even we could take that risk, I would trust your instincts; but it's not just us.'

Olivia looked over to the others, still gathered round the fire, watching Elliot try to talk sense into her.

'Liv, Amanda's only seventeen. She idolises you. You can't risk her life just because Alex fed you some sob story.' Olivia felt a flash of anger at his words. Alex had never lied to her about her life and her abuse was more than a sob story.

Elliot saw the anger on Olivia's face and quickly backtracked over his words. 'Maybe she did have a bad deal but that doesn't change the fact that you're not seeing straight. She's gone to care for her family but you're refusing to care for yours. It's not just your life that you're risking.'

Olivia knew the truth of his words and the guilt started to build low in her stomach but she knew that even still she couldn't leave. 'I'm not forcing anyone else to stay Elliot; but I'm not leaving.'

Elliot placed his hand against the tree trunk and bowed his head in defeat as Olivia walked away. He heard her explain loudly to the others what she had just told him and knew, just like Olivia for all her words, that if she was staying it meant that everyone would stay. He walked back across the stream and helped them all unpack their belongs.

* * *

'You think I'm mad Finn?' Olivia asked him later as they both sat apart eating their breakfasts.

'No, not mad,' he replied after a while, 'just in pain.'

'I never meant to risk anyone's life, I just can't leave… I just can't.' She wasn't sure what she wanted from Finn. Perhaps support, perhaps a person to say that she was making the right choice. She could have gone to Amanda for both but knew that the response would be biased by Amanda's respect for her and for that fact that out of the four of them the blond seemed the most understanding and accepting of Alex.

Finn, although he didn't have Elliot's level of mistrust, had always been wary of Alex, never truly forgetting who she had been but Olivia trusted that he would never lie to her; that he would tell her if she was making the wrong choice.

'I know you didn't Liv,' he comforted, putting his bowl to one side, 'but you've done it all the same. I trust that you trust Alex and I'd trust you with anything but I can't say I'm not worried.'

'She won't betray us, I'm sure.'

'I know you are Liv, I don't question that but what I'm wondering is _why_ you have to stay.'

'What?'

Finn looked at his friend, the person he trusted to cross continents with and saw the truth she was battling not to accept. She had watched Alex's back disappear into the forest, watched as she had walked away but Finn knew that part of her was still expecting Alex to come back. That going to castle was just a visit and that she would soon be back to finish whatever her and Liv had started. He hated to hurt his friend but knew that her hope could see them all dead.

'There's no point in staying Liv, we have other _nicer_ camps' he started watching her fight tears, 'if Alex has gone home, she's never coming back.

* * *

'So this is home?'

'Yeah.'

'It's smaller than I expected.'

'You've said that about every English place we've ever visited Rafael. God we got to London and you said it was small.'

The older man laughed, turning away from the window. 'No I never said it was small. Just smaller than I expected.'

'Yeah well you're smaller than I expected.'

Rafael laughed again, knowing that William didn't mean it; that he was just nervous about being home. When he was younger he was self-conscious about his height but now the illustrious age of twenty four he'd learnt to use it to his advantage. His chestnut hair and beard and Spanish accent meant that getting girls, and boys for that matter, was never a problem while he'd found that people preferred a minstrel to be short. Men didn't want to be intimidated by the man singing to them after dinner.

'You're still nervous.' He stated to the worried boy in front of him.

'I'm not nervous.'

'You're wearing a hole in the floor Will.'

William stopped pacing. They'd arrived at around dawn but his father had been busy so one of the lieutenants had shown them to their quarters and they'd been left to freshen up after their journey. At first they had tried to show Rafael to different rooms but he'd stopped them. They'd met when he was just eight in Northumbria and still scared of the place he was supposed to call home. Rafael had taught him how to play the lute while everyone else was trying to teach him how to use to a sword. He'd choose the lute any day. Since their first lessons they'd become inseparable, Rafael surprising himself and actually enjoying being around the boy. When the letter had arrived from his father ordering him home he'd begged Sir John to allow Rafael to come with him and not being much taken with music anyway Sir John had agreed.

'You'd be nervous too if it were your father.' He said sullenly, wrapping his arms around his tall but bony frame and unconsciously beginning to pace again. He'd heard stories about the Sheriff of Nottingham and most, if not all, added to his fear.

'Oh I am nervous, don't you worry about that. I just use humour to deal with my problems instead of a useless waste of energy.' Rafael smiled again but William wasn't in the mood for jokes.

They both turned suddenly when the door was flung open and the Sheriff walked in. He was dressed in a loose red tunic that fell to his knees and was belted at the waist.

'William!' he said walking forward pulling his son into a hug. Although only fourteen William was almost as tall as his father. 'It's been too long. I hope you've been keeping well.'

'Yes father.' William was happy to hear that his voice didn't break.

'And this must be your minstrel.' After looking William up and down the Sheriff turned his attention to Rafael standing in the corner.

'Rafael Barba my Lord.' He said stepping forward and bowing.

'Yes yes, from Italy no?'

'Spain my Lord, but when one reaches the mainland it's all one and the same.' Rafael was proud of his homeland but had learnt that the English viewed anything other than their rainy Island as akin to, if not the devil's arsehole, then at least some part of his body.

The Sheriff laughed and clapped him on the back before leading them both over to the table that had been set for their noon day meal.

Things didn't go as badly as William had feared they might. His father seemed interested in his studies and even seemed happy at his musical prowess. He didn't ask too many questions about his sword skills, of which he was sure Sir John must have written they were so poor, or tell him he was too skinny. No, the meal went well and he was happy to see that Rafael was good at making his father laugh. There was only one thing that happened that could be slightly considered of note.

About half way through, when Rafael was telling his father about how he had travelled to England there was a knock at the door and a woman stepped through. She hadn't looked that special to him, white shirt and blond hair but his father had frozen. She had said that the cook had sent her to see if they needed anything and though the minute before his father had been complaining that they'd been given too much food he suddenly stood up and said that in fact they needed more meat and he had followed the woman out.

Rafael had shrugged and they had gone back to eating and even when his father returned a short while later, without the promised meats, he hadn't questioned it, but now he was lying awake in a strange bed he let his mind replay the event.

He was sure he hadn't seen the woman before, but there was something strangely familiar about her grey eyes and he slowly drifted off to sleep wondering where in the world he could have seen her.


	18. Lying

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Alex was back in her rooms. It had been hard to leave Olivia and she had cried through most of the night, not sure at many points how she had been able to keep walking. By the time the sun had risen, however, it had found her dry eyed and sure of her decision. She had to go back, she was knew that.

Getting into the castle wasn't difficult and she had barely gave it any thought. She stole a skirt from a washing line and used it to hide her leather breeches. No one thought a blond haired woman suspicious and she was able to walk through the gate without a second glance and through the corridors to what she learned had become her brother's rooms, close to her own in fact. Her father had hidden his shock well as could be expected and had quickly joined in with her lies about the kitchen. He hadn't said a word to her as he had led her by the arm to her quarters. He'd told her that they would speak later before leaving. He had locked the door behind him.

That, however, was hours ago and now Alex had become restless. Her quarters were not particularly large and had not changed since she was baby. There were two rooms, both with stone fireplaces, connected by an open arch way in the middle. The larger room contained a wooden table and chairs in one corner, a metal tub in the other for washing and three comfortable chairs arranged in front of the fire. The second room, only accessed through the first held a large four poster bed, wardrobe and a dressing table of sorts, with a long mirror attached above it.

Alex had walked between the rooms seeing that nothing had been changed or moved since she had last left it. It was as if the months with Olivia had never happened and she knew that for her own sake she had to pretend that they never had.

She had given up on her father returning that night and had already dressed for bed in a long white nightgown. She was sat brushing her hair in front of her mirror when she heard the door open.

'Alexandra.' She turned and saw her father standing in the arch way. He had changed since dinner and was now dressed in woollen breeches and a loose shirt.

'Father,' she replied, 'I wasn't expecting you so late.'

'But we have things to discuss.' He was smiling but it wasn't reaching his eyes and Alex knew from previous experiences that that look didn't bode well.

'Yes we do.' She said turning back to the mirror, watching as he walked over and placed his hands on her shoulders.

'Alex,' he said his voice and face softening so that she felt the tension in the room fall, 'what happened?'

She had practiced her story all the time she was walking back to the castle and so now barely had to think when she started to reel it off. 'I was questioning Benson when I went back to my quarters to fetch some scissors- mine are more delicate than the ones in the dungeon- and by the time I got back to the courtyard the alarm had been sounded. I rode after her but somewhere in the forest I was ambushed by the rest of them, they were all waiting. They found out I'm a woman and after that they couldn't kill me- they're weak father. They kept me blindfolded most of the time and even when I wasn't I only saw more trees. They didn't know what to do with me, so just dragged me along.' Alex never looked away from her father's eyes in the mirror as she spoke but his face gave nothing away. 'Yesterday I saw William on the road, they made me hide while he rode past, but I knew it was him and I knew that I _had_ to get back. Seeing him gave me the strength to break free and I ran back here as fast as I could.' Even to Alex the story sounded weak but she hoped that simply having her back would be enough for her father.

His face didn't change but his hands moved from her shoulders and up into her hair. Before Alex could question why he had slammed her head down into the table. She tried to rise but he wouldn't let go of her head and she ended up bent over the table with his body pressing into her back.

Although skinny the Sheriff was strong and for all her struggling Alex couldn't stand straight. He lifted her head again only to slam it back into the table and black spots started dancing behind her eyes. He had only been this angry with her once before and that time she had been beaten bloody so Alex felt panic beginning to rise in her chest.

'You're lying to me!' he growled in her ear, breath hot on the side of her face.

'No… no I swear…father!'

He laughed then and picked up her head again but this time instead of the table he drove it into the mirror. Alex felt the glass shatter around her and a stinging pain in her forehead as it cut deep. He pressed her back into the table, her cheeks crunching against the shards as blood ran into her eye. The black spots had now become permanent features of her sight and for the first time in the struggle her arms went limp. He used her momentary daze to pull her hands behind her back and tie them with the belt he had removed from his waist. They were both panting and she could feel every rib as he leant over her again.

'You're a lying bitch! You were seen Alexandra!' he screamed in her ear, watching her flinch from the noise. She didn't understand, who had seen what. How could he know she was lying?

'Wait…stop' she gasped trying in vain to get up and blink the blood from her face.

'The drunk Alex. You fell over him remember.' Alex felt her blood run cold. 'You helped the Benson whore escape and then ran off into the forest to join her. You fucking betrayed me!' he ended in a scream. Alex was now struggling to breathe against the panic in her chest and the weight of the body on top of her. She didn't know what to do, how to tell her father she hadn't done exactly what he just said.

'You're going to tell me everything' he panted

'No…'

'Yes!' he slammed her head for the fourth time and the fight was well and truly gone from her body. She felt as if she was swimming and the words that once sounded so loud in her ear now sounded so far away.

'You're going to tell me where the camps are, how many of them there are, how many weapons.' Alex groaned in pain and despair. 'You're going to get over your sick fucking perversion.' Her eyes betrayed her confusion. 'Oh you think I didn't know about that? You think I didn't see how you looked at her?' Alex tried to shake her head but he was having none of it, a wild look in his eyes. 'You're going to learn what a woman should be, you're going to learn that a woman should obey and Alex…' he shook her slightly to make sure she was paying enough attention. 'Alex it's up to you how hard you make those lessons.'

He finally stepped away from her and walked from her quarters, locking the door behind him. She felt herself slip to the floor, her hands still tied behind her back. For a few moments she just sat there gasping for breath before the tears started to fall, mingling with the blood dripping off her cheeks. She didn't know what to do, what had just happened. She knew what her father did to those who betrayed him but surely he wouldn't do that to her. He loved her. He loved her? She let herself sink to the floor, resting her head against the wood as that question played on a loop in her mind. He loved her? He loved her?


	19. What did it matter

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William had been at the castle for about a week. At first everything was new and strange and what he could remember from his childhood seemed to have changed. But after the initial excitement and curiosity about his return had died down things got better. The cook, a cheerful man named Simon, could remember him from when he was a boy and when he'd accidently walked down there looking for the armoury he was greeted like a long lost friend. Simon always saved the sweetest pudding for him at dinner, like he used to do, and though it was only a small thing it helped him feel more at home.

Though he was settling in well himself he couldn't deny what a great help Rafael was. Though most people are naturally afraid of anyone different everyone couldn't help but love Rafael. He was easy to like and quick to laugh and after hearing him sing one would think that he was truly the angel of his namesake. William was sure that at least half the women in the castle were in love with him and he thought, not without a little envy, that Rafael had loved at least a few of them back.

Although his lessons, started just two days after his arrival, were going well he was dreading being made to practice in the yard. He'd seen some of the other boys being trained in weapons and some of the richer ones on horseback but even though Sir John had forced him out every day he had never gotten better at it. He just couldn't seem to control the end of the sword, it was too long and too heavy and often during the middle of a fight he would let it drop too low and his opponent would have a free shot at his head.

He had wondered at first where the famous Black Cloak was, whether he would be watching his lessons, and he and Rafael had spent one night staying up and talking about him. He remembered the figure from his childhood. Tall and always dressed in amour he wasn't ashamed to say that he scared him. Although he must have been around William's age now, a bit older perhaps, to his eight year old self his brother had seemed unimaginably old and fierce and he couldn't see how they shared any blood at all. After a few days of wondering his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he had asked Rafael to find out what had happened. He learnt all about Olivia Benson and her band of sell swords who made his father's life a misery but whom everyone else seemed to love. He learnt of how his brother had gone missing, alone in the forest.

His father, after the first day, hadn't seemed too interested in him- he wasn't upset by this- more concerned in something at the other side of the castle to care much what he was doing. He would join them all for breakfast and dinner but William had no idea what he spent the rest of his time doing.

That was until this morning. He had risen as usual and eaten breakfast in the main hall with everyone but when he had turned to walk to his lessons his father had caught his arm.

'Not today William, I want to show you something.'

They had walked along the corridors in silence and for a moment William had thought they were simply returning to his rooms but his father had led him further into the castle.

'Do you remember your brother?'

William's mother had died in childbirth along with her second baby so he knew that his father could only be referencing one person.

'Yes, I remember him.' They had stopped at a thick wooden door. William thought they were in the western wing of the castle, far away from anywhere that people would wander. Following his father in he entered a large room with ornate rugs and plush chairs.

'There's something you should know about him.' His father said over his shoulder, still walking through the room. The expression on his face was like that of an excited child.

William felt a certain level of fear rise in his stomach as he walked over to the archway. He didn't want anything to do with Black Cloak, preferred to think that he didn't exist and that he bore no relation to him. Whatever he _should_ know, he'd rather not.

What met his eyes when walked into the bedroom was something so shocking that even he, in his most wild fearful imaginations, could not have envisioned. Tied to the four poster bed was a woman. Her hands were held spread above her head, tied by ropes to the bed posts, while her legs were left free. She seemed to be asleep to him, though how anyone could sleep hanging from their arms like that he didn't know. Hair that looked blond under all the blood fell over her face as it hung forward and there was foul smell pervading the whole room, like metal and rust; he had to resist putting his hand over his mouth and nose.

He had never seen a naked woman before. He'd imagined it of course, I mean he was a fourteen year old boy, but he'd never actually seen one. Her legs were long and though hanging limp he could still see the muscles. Her stomach was flat and her breasts were a little small for him, though her nipples were bright and pink. At least he thought they were pink. Blood covered most of her body, some of it still fresh and running into the hair between her legs. Looking closer he could see that there was a needle stuck through one of her nipples. He could see burn marks on her every rib and bruises that showed from her thighs to her cheeks. He had never seen a naked woman before and standing pressed against the wall he hoped he never had to see another one like this.

'William may I introduce you to the Black Cloak.' His father had been standing silently to the side as he had looked at the woman but now he was speaking and he tore his eyes away from the battered frame in front of him.

'I'm sorry?' He looked back to the blond, not being able to equate what he saw with the legendary figure from his childhood.

'Don't worry, Alexandra and I played our game well.' His father moved forward and pulled the woman's head up. He expected her face to be the worst part of her but for some reason they had left it largely alone. A split lip, a bruise on one cheek and a cut to the side of her scalp were the only things that marred, what he thought, was a beautiful person. 'No one knew she was woman until quite recently.' He pulled on her hair and he heard the woman groan. 'Yeah come on, come back to us Alex.' His father untied her and dragged a wooden chair to the centre of the room. By the time he had got her seated she seemed to be awake, though her eyes looked empty.

'Alex,' his father said standing behind and placing two hands on her shoulders, 'I've brought your brother to see you.' He watched as her eyes latched on to his and he prayed that he could melt into the wall. That somehow just being in the room made him culpable for what was happening to her.

'It's a long story William,' he flicked his eyes back to his father, 'but the short of it is that your sister betrayed us. I have given her everything. Food, shelter, position, training, love… fucking everything!' he watched him scream the last two words in her ear as she flinched away, shaking under his hands. 'And yet she chose to betray us and lie about it. Now the betrayal I could understand, I'm not unreasonable Alex,' he was talking more to her than to him now, 'but the lying…. I don't want to hurt you, I'm not enjoying this but you can't, you just can't lie to me.'

'I'm not….. Please.'

His father pushed himself away from the chair without a word and walked over to a table in the corner. William didn't want to think too hard about what was on it.

'You have to learn William that as Sheriff sometimes you have to do things that are hard. You can't accept betrayal from anyone, no matter who they are to you or what they've done for you. This may seem harsh but she's been working with that Benson whore… you know who that is?' he could only nod still staring at the now crying woman, 'and she needs to tell us all about it. For the safety of the people you understand?' He doubted how sincere his father's words were but nodded again all the same.

'Stand up Alex.' His father said turning back round. She stood unsteadily and he wondered why she didn't fight back while she was tied once again to the bed posts, this time with her back to him. He saw that the marks on her waist travelled all the way round her body and he pondered what could do such a thing. Small gouges had been made in her skin at random intervals and from the still fresh blood they were weeping he thought it must have been done in the night.

'Do you want to do it?' He looked down and saw that his father was offering him a long whip. It looked harsh and the tail was divided into nine and tied in a knot at each end. He shook his head.

'What, you've never seen a whipping before?'

He had but it had been men in the outside, not a shaking woman in the middle of a bedroom.

'You're almost a man now, you've got to learn to do these things. Alex here took to them like duck to water.' His father said turning away from him and grasping the whip firmly in his hand.

The first lash landed square on her back and she groaned slightly and shifted her stance but apart from that made no other movement. He watched as lash after lash hit what was once only bruised flesh. Her groans turned into screams and she twisted this way and that trying to escape the pain but the one thing that would have ended it all, speaking, she never did. His father only paused to wait for her to stand when she fell before hitting her harder and harder till blood dripped on to the floor and ran down her legs. He wanted it to stop. He didn't hate blood as women were supposed to but this, this was more than blood. This was torn flesh and agony and he felt faint just standing there. It was with relief that he saw his father put the whip down when she physically couldn't stand anymore and led him back out into the cool air of the corridor. He walked away as his father turned to go back in, dismissed from his lessons for the day. He want to pretend that he had never seen any of it but he knew that no denial in world would be powerful enough.

* * *

Alex could hear the blood pumping in her ears and her own gasps for air. Her back felt as if it were on fire and she barely felt the ropes pulling on her wrists as she hung there. She was hovering on the edge of unconsciousness, floating in her own mind. She could feel the wood on the feet but couldn't exactly feel the legs that connected them.

It was the first time she had seen her brother up close and it was starling just how like their father he looked. He had the same tall thin build and brown hair and of course their grey eyes, but it was his expression that let her know he was a different sort of man. His face had blanched white when he saw her and he couldn't seem to get the disgust and shock out of his eyes. He didn't enjoy watching. He was a better man than their father.

In her daze she heard her father re-enter the room and walk up behind her. He untied her and lifted her into the chair. Her back touching the wood brought her back to life and she screamed and tried to get away. His hand on her collar bone stopped her and she sobbed against the pain pulling away till she sat on the edge of the chair. He pulled a stool up next to her and brought a cup to her lips. She tried to move away at first expecting the wine they had been forcing her to drink but seeing water she readily opened her mouth. Her head was spinning and she was struggling to stay present as he set the cup down and wiped the vomit from her lips. She had thrown up during the flogging.

'Alex,' he said sadly, looking into her eyes as she focused on breathing, 'I love you. I don't want to hurt you please!' She could never tell what father she was going to get, he was either loving and kind and cried when he hit her or he shouted and laughed whenever she screamed. She wasn't sure which one was worse.

'Alex,' he tried again, 'we're family. I brought William here to remind you that you have a family! I just want my girl back.' He cupped her face and brought it round to look at his own. 'You're mine. Never forget that.' She felt his other hand move over her chest and was unable to stop the tears that fell down her cheeks. She used to like when he said that. It made her feel as if she was part of something, belonged to something. Now she knew what it really meant.

 _She was tied to the bed, one arm at each bed post. The two men from before had left hours ago after beating her on the floor till she couldn't breathe and tying her as she was now. She had never seen them before and they didn't seem to know who she was other than that they had to hurt her. Her head ached from the where her father had hit it but the blood had dried and apart from general bruises she was unhurt. She had been scared before, her heart beating wildly, but as the hours past she was amazed at how calm she felt. She wasn't going to betray Olivia, it didn't matter what anyone did._

 _She had managed to doze off for a time when her father walked in, startling her awake. He sat on the edge of the bed with a strange expression on his face that stopped all of Alex's words in her throat. Without warning he suddenly got up onto the bed and straddled her waist, running a finger down her jaw._

 _'You really are beautiful.' She didn't know what to say so remained silent._

 _'I don't enjoy hurting you Alex but it's my job as a father to remind you of who you are.' He paused to empathise. 'You are my daughter. You are mine! You are not some whore's plaything.' Anger grew in his eyes as he spoke and at the end he took the collar of her nightgown and ripped it down the middle._

 _'Wait….No!...just wait… father!' She wasn't sure exactly what was happening but knew from his expression that it wasn't going to be good. He didn't listen to her as he continued tearing the gown off. The calm she had been feeling had abandoned her and she tried kicking her legs and twisting to get him off but nothing was working. He pulled of his own shirt and she saw the white skin over his ribs and the faint hairs on his chest and felt sickened. He lent over her and caught her chin in his hand bringing his lips to hers. His kiss was nothing like Olivia's. Olivia was soft and warm whereas this was coarse and his stubble scratched her face. She had sworn to herself that she could withstand anything, any pain, but after feeling him against her thigh and realising what was about to happen she lost what little decorum she had left._

 _'Please!...Please!...God no, don't do this….' Tears were streaming down her face. She prayed to God to save her, for anyone to save her but she knew that he wasn't listening. Why should God listen to her? She had done so much deserving of punishment and she had been a fool to think that she could decide how she was to be punished._

 _He had pushed off her legs as she struggled, removing his breeches, and she tried to kick out at him but he easily over powered her and used his knees to separate her legs. She was hyperventilating now, struggling to breathe against her sobs. He kissed her jaw and rubbed himself against her thigh. She had seen naked men before, being thought a man men were happy to strip in front of her, but never like this. She had laughed inside seeing the sad thing that everyone made such a fuss over but feeling it hard between her legs drove any thought of laughter far from her head. She tried to prepare herself for the pain. She had broken bones before and dislocated shoulders, it couldn't be worse than that._

 _It was. She screamed when he thrust in, not caring about being gentle. It wasn't pain like she had felt before, it didn't feel like anything else and it hurt more than she could ever have expected. He was grunting in her ear, telling her over and over again that she was his and she squeezed her eyes shut waiting for it to be over. She'd overheard one of the kitchen maids say that men never took long, but she didn't know what long meant. A couple of seconds, minutes? 'God why was isn't it ending' she thought as she tried to get used to the feeling of something being forced inside of her._

 _He'd left her there, bleeding and sobbing, when he had finished after what felt like hours. She didn't want to think about what had just happened, about how much God must hate her._

His hand had reached her breast how and was squeezing it gently as his breathing turned into panting. She knew what was going to happen. What had happened every day since the first and she couldn't help but scream against it all. The other pain she could take. It made her black out and throw up but all she had to do was think of Olivia. Her smile, the way she laughed, the way her lips tasted. She finally understood how that man had been able to withstand so much for the person he had loved.

But this. This was different. Thinking of Olivia only made this worse. Made the shame she felt so great that it felt like an animal trying to eat her from the inside. She knew that no one could want her after this. Her father was right, he had made her his and not even Olivia could change that. She was disgusting and she deserved everything she got but… but God she was so tired. They'd barely let her sleep for days and what little she had eaten had been soaked in wine. The room seemed to be moving even when her head was still and she just wanted it to be over. She cried feeling his hand between her legs, poking at the torn flesh he found there and knew that she just couldn't. Olivia was lost to her, she was lost to God, what did it matter. What did anything matter? She didn't want him near her again, inside her again and she would do anything to make it stop.


	20. Played

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Olivia ran her hand over the rubies in Alex's sword. She had left all her armour at the camp when she had followed her brother back to the castle and though Olivia didn't want any of the metal she couldn't stop looking at the sword. The workmanship was exquisite. The steel blade shinned and didn't have a single nick on it while the falcon pommel was hand crafted and shaped to fit Alex's palm. The two ruby eyes seemed to shine even in the darkness and Olivia had taken to wearing it around the camp, one last bit of Alex that she refused to let go.

Nobody had slept the first night Alex had been gone. The others were all expecting an attack, an ambush, but Olivia had been kept awake by grief. She knew that Alex wasn't coming back but she couldn't stop that one little part of her hoping. One little part believing that Alex would see her brother was alright and would come straight back to them. The empty days that followed slowly destroyed that hope. Now, just over a week later it had disappeared altogether. She still trusted her but finally accepted that she had made her choice to leave.

She had decided that that night she would tell the others they were leaving; that they could go back to the camp they had run from months before. They would go back to the life they had been leading, helping the poor and trying to hurt the Sheriff wherever possible. Olivia didn't know what she would do if she came across Alex in battle again. She knew that she couldn't kill her, not after seeing who she really was but at the same time she understood that Alex as the Black Cloak was dangerous; she couldn't be allowed to 'work' unchecked. After battling with her conflicting emotions she knew that the only way she would know what to do, what she was capable of doing, would only be when she was face to face with Alex again.

The men were bathing in the pool so she and Amanda had walked down to the end of the ravine to give them some privacy. Amanda was on her back throwing rocks up at the wall, watching as they fell into the stream and Olivia felt no need to break the silence. She had come to like the younger woman, though she seemed a little impulsive at times, and thought that with age she could become an accomplished warrior. She had wondered at first what brought a sixteen year old girl into the forest; wondered why she wanted to join them in the first place and Amanda had yet to enlighten them as to where exactly she had come from but she had quickly proven her worth. Her skills with medicine were better that Munch's and according to Finn she took to swordsmanship with an ease even he had rarely seen. No, Olivia didn't care who Amanda was, she was just happy that she seemed to be happy.

She glanced back towards the men and smiled when she saw Finn trying to push a redressed Munch back into the water. The old man was having none of it and walked back into the cave. Elliot was the only one still undressed and in the pool and she watched as the muscles moved over his back when he reached to run some soap through his hair. She knew that he had always worked hard to maintain his body, running and lifting sacks of flour when they were younger to stay fit. Flour was harder to come by in the forest of course but he still did a daily workout, lifting logs and stones when he could find them. She hated when they fought but knew that he was wrong about Alex, knew that she would never betray them.

* * *

The first quarrel hit the water right beside Elliot and he flinched away from the sound. The second hit the willow by Amanda's head and by the time the third hit the ground beside Finn they were all in movement. Olivia looked up, her heart beating out her chest, to see soldiers lined around the top of the ravine. The trees and bushes obscured their view and prevented too many of them reaching the edge but even so she counted ten at first glance, all with crossbows aimed right at them.

'I'm sorry to burst in on you like this!' Olivia's attention was drawn to the rocks on either side of the waterfall. The Sheriff rode a horse on one side and on the other was a tall figure dressed in armour with a black cloak flowing from their shoulders.

'Alex.' Olivia said quietly to herself, not wanting to believe what she was seeing.

'We have you surrounded and there's no way out… so come up and see me Olivia.' The sheriff spoke again but Olivia couldn't so much as think of a response let alone speak it.

'Alex.' She'd said it louder this time and Amanda looked over to her but with the water there was no way Alex could have heard. Olivia walked forward, not taking her eyes off the figure in black and it was as if everyone else was frozen in place.

'Alex.' Again she called out, this time loud enough for Alex to hear but the seated figure made no move.

'He's not going to help you Olivia.' The Sheriff yelled down, 'who do you think brought me straight here. Came straight back to me the moment he'd gained the knowledge he'd needed.'

Olivia shook her head, feeling tears prick in her eyes. She refused to cry in front him.

'Alex!' she cried out, refusing to give up on the blond even while her heart was breaking at the thought that Alex had been lying the whole time; working for her father the whole time.

'I've had enough of this. Leave Benson. Kill the rest.' As if the Sheriff's command had broken the spell that had frozen the others everyone started to move. Munch dived though the waterfall, carrying as much as he could in his arms, and let the current carry in towards Amanda and the hole in the rock face. Finn was quick to dive in after him as quarrels hit the ground all around them and when Amanda had watched both men disappear into the rock she took a deep breath and followed.

'ALEX!' Olivia was screaming now, and unable to think of her friends started to run towards the waterfall. If she could just reach Alex, touch her then she'd know that it couldn't have been a lie. Alex wouldn't hurt her like this. But before she had taken two steps she felt an arm round her waist. Elliot had thrown himself out of the pool, still naked and dripping, and tackled her into the water. Bubbles erupted from her mouth as she continued to shout underwater before she broke the surface.

'ALEX!.. ALEX!...' She couldn't tell if her screams were from pain or from anger. She'd trusted her, cared for her; loved her even and Alex had been playing her the whole time. She'd never cared about Olivia, never cared about her friends or the good they were doing. She'd thought that Alex had wanted her like no one else had before. Not because of the money she could give them, or the service she could provide but simply because of who she was. With water in her eyes that masked her tears Olivia learnt this wasn't true.

'ALEX!' she kept screaming as her and Elliot were pulled away. Her voice never let up even when he pulled her aside to avoid a rare good shot from one the soldiers. As the water closed up around her head and the rock face swallowed them Olivia know that she wasn't screaming for the small lonely figure at the other end of the ravine but for someone she had thought she had known. The Alex she was crying for had never truly existed and she felt an anger deep in her gut for the woman who had made her believe she had.


	21. Chess

**A/N. Thanks to the nice guest review after the criticism. Don't worry I haven't been discouraged, I get it won't be for everyone. Also just in case anyone was worried although things might seem bad now I am a sucker for happy endings.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Eyes open or closed it made no difference, Olivia could only see darkness. Her lungs were burning as she kicked through the water and just as she thought she couldn't hold on for much longer, sunlight pierced the surface. A hand grabbed at her shoulder and coughing and spluttering her and Elliot swam to the bank. The others were already there, Amanda on all fours coughing up what looked like half the river.

'She okay?' Olivia panted towards Finn who was patting on the blonde's back.

'Yeah, she's fine. You remember what your first time through the rock was like.'

She nodded slowly as Amanda sat back on her heels, breathing heavily. They all looked like drowned rats, hair plastered to their faces, clothes clinging to their skin as the wind quickly chilled them all.

'We have to move.' Only Elliot looked half decent and that was because his hair was short and he wasn't wearing any clothes to have gotten wet. Normally they tried to preserve each other's modesty but in the current situation Elliot's state was the least of their concerns.

None of them disagreed with his statement and without another word, though they were still all in shock from their impromptu swim, they got to their feet and started walking up into the forest. They travelled in silence for the hours it took to make it back to their camp in the hillside. No one but them knew it existed and for now it would be the safest place while the forest crawled with soldiers. About a year ago Olivia and Elliot had created a covering for the hollow. Made of leaves and twigs all threaded neatly together they could attach it to the top of the slope and pull it tight down, nailing it to the bottom. That way it looked from the bottom of the slope as if the hollow wasn't there at all; the only way anyone would know is if they tried to walk on it.

Elliot and Finn nailed it in to place and then crawled under and into the tree roots with the others. The sun had dried them off slightly but they were all still damp and the hollow covering meant that the sun struggled to get through. They sat in the cold, damp shade, feeling their clothes rubbing raw against their skin and trying to understand what had just happened.

* * *

He had watched as they rode back into the courtyard, his father and Alex in the lead. They hadn't said anything, just rode off that morning and returned hours later. He was now sitting with Rafael after dinner, playing a game of chess before bed.

'I'd heard the rumours you know, but I thought they were exaggerated.' He'd told Rafael about seeing Alex the day before but it was only now that they had the time to sit down alone and talk about it.

'Rumours have to start somewhere Will. If everyone's saying your fathers a cruel man then that's got to have come from the truth.' He watched as William's face fell and his shoulders hunched forward. 'You're nothing like him. Trust me,' he reassured his friend, 'I only needed one meal with him to know that you're another breed of man.'

'I just wish I could do something to help her. Make up for the shit he's doing you know.'

'Maybe you could go and find this Benson person?' They'd both agreed that the betrayal the Sheriff had been talking about had to be something to do with the Benson character who had supposedly kidnapped his sister.

'How am I, one, supposed to find her, two, get enough time on my own to find her and three get her to trust me when I do?' He swept one of Rafael's pawns off the board and marched his knight forward in aggressive steps. 'There's no way I can help her.'

They sat in silence after his outburst, moving and losing pieces as they played.

'But she's my sister.' William shouted throwing his now useless bishop across the room. Rafael just sat there and let him voice all his frustration- not the first outburst he'd listened to- thinking quickly to himself. 'I don't care what she's done, nobody deserves what he did to her!' William looked down breathing heavily, trying to get his anger back under control. After a couple of deep breaths he moved his knight forward.

Rafael's eyes lit up when he saw that William's piece was now ready to be taken and tried to keep the happiness from his face, playing the game to its conclusion. However, when he looked up and saw that his young friend was fighting tears in front of him his smile disappeared. He'd meant it when he said that William wasn't his father. That he was becoming a good man, with a kind heart who his people would come to love. He'd thought when he went to Northumbria that he would stay for a season then move on; but something about the boy had kept him there and now all these years later he had found that he actually loved him. He wanted to give William everything he could, knew that the boy loved him back and trusted him. After only a week at the castle he knew that his father stood in the way of everything William could achieve. He'd watched as the Sheriff had whispered in William's ear at dinner and dictated what he should learn and vowed that he wouldn't let such a terrible man ruin who William was becoming. He moved his own knight forward, 'there is a way to save her Will; it just depends on what you're willing to sacrifice.' He swept William's knight off the board.

William looked at his friend for a long time, till Rafael was shifting his seat. He was the only true person he knew at the castle, the only person he felt comfortable talking to. He didn't reply just stared before looking back down at the table. He smiled slightly to himself and then picked up his queen, who was before trapped by Rafael's knight, and placed it back down on the board, looking up into Rafael's surprised and somewhat annoyed eyes.

'Checkmate.'

* * *

'You gonna tell us what is in the cloak now?' Amanda asked of Munch breaking the silence they had all maintained as the sun slowly set.

Munch lay the brown cloak on the floor and untied the quick knot he had made in it. They all leant forward slightly and stared at what he had been able to save.

'I didn't have much time so I just grabbed what I could.' He, like Amanda, spoke in a whisper. 'I've got everyone's weapons.' He handed out Finn and Amanda's swords, Elliot's axe and Olivia's bow and quiver. 'Sorry Liv I didn't think to get any strings.' She didn't reply, running her fingers through the damp fletching's of her arrows.

'Then the rest of it is just clothes,' he continued, 'I didn't check who's was who's or what I was grabbing though I'm sure you'll all be glad to hear that I think I see some of Elliot's breeches. God knows my eyes I have seen enough.' They all smiled and the tension in their improvised tent went down slightly. Amanda crawled to the back of the hollow and lay down to sleep while Munch divided the clothes before going over to join her. It took a remarkably short time before his light snores could be heard and Amanda's breathing had slowed.

Olivia sat and watched them for a time. As she had walked away from the river her pain had morphed into anger. Elliot had been right, she never should have trusted Alex. She had risked not just her own life but the lives of her friends, people who trusted her. She had thought that people could change, that Alex could change but she now knew she was wrong. Alex had tried to kill them all, had barely been gone a week before bringing hell back with her and Olivia had to grit her teeth against the desire to scream.

She brought herself out of her murderous thoughts to listen to the whispered conversation between Finn and Elliot.

'Why didn't he have the river covered?' Finn asked.

'I told her that she'd drown if she went through the rock face. She must have told him that there was no way out.' Elliot replied.

Finn nodded and the two lapsed into silence for a time, unaware that Olivia was now listening.

'I was stupid to vote to save her.'

'No.' Elliot opposed, 'you did what you thought was right. Liv trusted her one hundred percent and there was a point were even I was coming round.'

'I wish I could go and find her now.' Finn said, a blank dangerous look filtering into his eyes.

'Why don't we?'

'What?'

'Why don't we go to the castle,' Elliot said his anger mirroring Finns. 'We can scope it out, see if we can get in easy now they're focusing on the forest.'

Finn thought for a moment before nodding and reaching for his sword. Elliot smiled and looked round the hollow, freezing when he saw that Olivia had been paying attention the whole time.

'Liv…. We're just going to get the lay of the land.' He lied the smile falling from his face. He didn't know how Olivia felt about Alex any more, whether she would try to stop them from getting to her.

Olivia stared at them both, looking like deer who had just heard approaching hounds. She knew that nothing she could say would stop them and had to think for a moment as to whether she actually wanted to. She remembered what it felt like to hold Alex in her arms, to talk to her and hear her laugh. She ran her palm over the falcon pommel at her side remembering how it felt to kiss her. But then she looked back over to the sleeping forms of her friends, to the empty hollow in the ground they were forced to hide in and felt her heart harden. Alex had chosen her life, she knew the consequences of that.

'Go,' she said to Elliot and Finn, the gloom deepening the shadows on her face. They both got up to leave and crawl out from under the cover. She watched them and just before they had disappeared from view she called out again. 'Elliot,' he turned and looked at her, 'if you see Alex, kill her for me.'


	22. The Western Wall

**A/N: Sorry update speeds have slowed down, I've just started a new part time job, had a birthday and gotten a cold so writing daily has been especially difficult.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

'Maud!...Maud!...' The petite woman turned around to see Rafael running up behind her and her face broke into a smile.

'Having a good day?' he asked her.

'No use in complaining. Why are you down here, there's no more food to be had.'

'Can't I just come to see you,' she raised her eyebrow and he laughed, 'Well for starters I only need to breathe William's name to get all the food I could want, but that's not why I came to find you. No what I'm interested in right now is what a little birdy told me.' He threw an arm round her shoulders and walked with her towards the kitchens. 'Somebody's got their eye on that pretty soldier boy Luke.'

She stopped suddenly and turned a shocked face up to his. 'Who told you that?'

'The who doesn't matter, all I want to know is whether it's true.'

She tried to keep her face neutral but a blush creep up in her checks.

'Ahhh,' he said with a grin, 'so it is true.'

'What's it to you…jealous?' she said turning away embarrassed.

'Jealous? No. I only wanted to say that if you did happen to like Luke then you might be interested in how much he was talking about you at dinner.'

'He was?'

If he was a crueller man he might have mocked how hopeful and excited her face became but being the hopeless romantic he was he found her expression endearing. 'Couldn't stop talking about how he was going to miss you when he went away to tour the county.' He wasn't exactly lying. The men had teased Luke over dinner and their ale about how doe eyed he was over his new found love but Luke, apart from going red, had offered no response. Rafael was taking a little liberty in imagining what the love struck teenager would have said if the testosterone level had been a little lower. He watched as Maud smiled to herself and her cheeks went a darker shade.

'You know he's on guard duty tonight.' He made sure he had her full attention again. 'All alone up on the western wall, nobody to talk to, nobody to help ward off the cold.'

'He'll be alone?'

'I'm sure of it, I listened to them discuss it over dinner.'

In fact he had gotten Luke's partner so drunk that the man could barely stand let alone go on patrol. He almost felt bad for the punishment the man was bound to receive… I mean almost.

She looked as if she was going to take the bait for a second before smiling wider and shaking her head. 'Rafael we'll get caught. You're not in Spain now.'

'Caught? Who'll be there to catch you? Dead of night, just the two of you, all alone….' She still looked dubious so he played his final card. 'You want him to remember you right; all those nights on his own in different towns and cities, all those new women….'

He saw her eyes harden. 'The western wall?'

'The western wall,' he replied with a smile knowing that she was sure to go, 'he'll have the turret to himself from one.'

'Thank you.' She reached out a rubbed his arm before turning and walking down the corridor; 'You're invited to the wedding!' she shouted over her shoulder with a laugh.

Rafael smiled as he watched her leave and thought to himself how easy it was to make people do what he wanted and have them think it was all their own idea in the first place.

* * *

William stared at his friend as he prepared to leave. He could barely remember a time when Rafael wasn't in his life, wasn't there to help him. He was the one who taught him how to sing, how to play chess, how to talk to girls- although he was still getting to grips with that one. He felt mad for helping him leave for someone he'd barely even met.

'You're sure the wall with be empty?'

'Yes William, we've been over this.' Rafael replied as he finished putting things in his bag, 'I made sure the guard will be busy.'

'You'll be careful though, this Benson woman might not be happy to see you.'

Rafael turned round to give a sarcastic and testy response but on seeing his friend's worried face his words died in his mouth. 'William,' he started, speaking slowly and looking at him straight, 'nothing is going to go wrong.' He didn't entirely trust his words, what he was about to do was pitied with risk and anything at any moment could go wrong but he knew that his friend didn't need to dwell on the negatives. 'Just remember that you don't know anything about it; okay.'

William nodded and went back to watching Rafael wind rope around his shoulder. 'I never knew you were so good at climbing buildings.' he said with a smile, trying not to think of the inevitable departure.

'There are many things you don't know about me,' Rafael replied with a wink, 'I'll have to tell you some other time.'

'There might not be another time.'

Rafael looked up again, he was finally finished packing and dressed in a dark shirt and breeches. 'There _will_ be another time Will. I've spent too long turning you into a man to not come back and see the result.'

William smiled sadly and accepted Rafael's embrace, neither man wanting to let go. He wished he was smarter, that he could see another way; that he was able to rescue his sister himself. Instead he was having to say goodbye to his dearest friend never expecting, whatever Rafael said, to see him again. The only thing that made him step away was the memory of Alex, hanging bloody and beaten from the bed posts. He knew that whatever good he might do in his later life, if he did not help her now then there would never be enough penance for him. He walked over to his bed when he heard the door shut and used his pillow to soak up the tears he could not stop from falling.

* * *

'Alex!' Alex thought she heard something but after moving her head from side to side decided that it must have been in her head.

'Alex!' she heard the whisper again and this time knew she couldn't have been imagining it.

'Alex open the window.' She was sat on the edge of one of her chairs and though the fire wasn't lit there was a light sheen of sweat on her upper lip. She hadn't moved since she had returned from the forest that morning. Her father had walked her back to her rooms and helped her remove her armour before sitting her in the chair and saying that he would be back. She had let her mind drift since then and she had no idea how much time had passed, only that no one had come for her.

She heard a bang from across the room and assumed that whoever was outside was trying to kick their way in; she wasn't really that bothered. Her whole body had felt numb since riding out from under the trees. She had hoped that after betraying Olivia to her father she would become who she once was. The ice cold woman who could hang people and not feel a thing. However, it never happened. Watching as Olivia and the others were swept away through the rock- that she now realised Elliot had lied to her about- tore at her heart in a way she had never felt before. Every time Olivia cried her name a fresh wave of tears fell over her cheeks till she was sure her helmet would fill with water and drown her. She had expected to feel nothing; instead she had wanted to throw herself off the top and let the river drag her to the bottom.

The banging stopped with a resounding crash as the wooden shutters flew off their hinges and a small olive skinned man fell through the window. Alex didn't blink. She watched as he rolled to his feet and brushed off his shirt.

'Why didn't you help?' He asked with an annoyed tone. She simply stared at him. The shutters had been locked closed since she returned and she had no way to open them.

Rafael looked at the woman in front of him, at her white skin and rigid posture. He wiped the frustration off his face, more at himself for not expecting the windows to be barred, and tried to think how shocking this must be for her. A foreign stranger had just broken into her quarters then yelled at her for not helping; not exactly the best start.

'Alex,' he raised his hands palm outwards and started again, 'I'm here to help you escape.'

She watched him walk towards her with his hands up and tried to understand what he was saying but it was as if her mind was covered in fog. Everything was kind of blurry and confusing; she couldn't seem to focus or care about anything.

'Alex!' he tried again. 'You need to come with me. William sent me.'

Her brother's name seemed to get through although she still hadn't grasped what was happening. 'William. You know William?'

'Yes,' he smiled, happy that she was talking, 'he sent me to help you escape.'

She paused for a moment as if pondering his words before saying, 'I'm tired, I don't want to go out.'

He hadn't expected her to resist her own rescue and was at a loss at what to say. She didn't look right and her eyes couldn't seem to focus on anything but he needed her to help him; he couldn't carry her down the wall.

'Alex,' he said getting down on one knee in front of her, 'you have to leave with me. You can't stay here.'

She shook her head and looked away from his eyes 'I can't leave.'

'Yes, you can. With me now, into the forest, to find Olivia.' He knew he was taking risk mentioning Olivia as him and William weren't sure what exactly had happened but didn't know what else to say.

Alex laughed and he winced at the sound. She was panting softly now as every pain that she had held a bay in her numbness came back full force. She had thought that she had felt all the pain she could over Olivia but just the mention of her name sent a dagger into her heart. She looked back at Rafael and said in a broken voice, 'If you want to help me so bad then just kill me.'

Rafael rocked back on his heels. When William had told him about what he'd seen he'd said that she still had some fight left in her, that she was refusing to give in. The image Rafael had built wasn't the same as the woman sitting in front of him.

'Cariño nothing you have done, nothing you are feeling cannot be fixed. It is too early to give up, there is always hope; this pain,' he placed a hand on her knee, 'this pain can be healed.'

She shook her head again, tears pooling in her eyes. Suddenly she hated this man. This bastard who had fallen into her life and destroyed the calm she had built. She had been fine just sitting there, refusing to feel any of it, but then he had rocked up and everything had rushed to the surface and she couldn't get her breath let alone see clearly. Her whole body felt as if it were on fire and her chest ached over her heart in such a way that she wished she could rip the organ out to stop the pain. 'It's too late.' She panted. 'It's too late.'

Rafael saw the pain in her eyes and knew that trying to break though both the physical and mental barriers she was erecting was going to impossible. He played the last card he had. The card that anyone who had heard of the Black Cloak would say didn't exist.

'Fine,' he stated leaning back and crossing his arms, 'then my death will be your fault.'

'What?' she raised her tear stained face to meet his.

'You want to die… fine. But die trying to escape, die in the forest, I don't care. If we stay here I will die too and it will be entirely your fault.'

'That's not fair.' His words had gotten through like he hoped and though she wanted to be numb she still cared. Still wanted to be a good person although she thought that path lost to her.

'I don't care about fair. I care about saving your life.'

They sat in silence for so long that Rafael thought she must be calling his bluff and he began to fear that the Sheriff would turn up and kill him on the spot until Alex suddenly got to her feet. He rose quickly with her and grabbed at her arm as she wobbled slightly. Her eyes still seemed unfocused and the sweat had moved from her upper lip to cover her whole face but she smiled grimly and turned to meet his eye.

'Well let's go then.'


	23. Answers

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

'It doesn't look as if he's reduced the guards.'

Elliot only grunted in response as Finn crept back amongst the trees. They'd walked to the edge of the forest and had taken it in turns to creep closer to the castle but the defences were the same as always. Elliot hadn't expected anything else, he'd just needed to get out of the camp and walk off his frustration and anger.

'Do you think Liv will be okay?' Elliot asked. Finn was now crouched beside him, both of them watching the walls.

'You know her better than I do.'

Elliot shrugged, 'I guess. She'll feel better when I give her Alex's head, you're sure the guards are the same?'

Finn turned his gaze away from the moving flames of the guards and looked at his companion. Elliot's jaw was tense and without his shirt Finn was able to see his muscles flex every time he clenched his fists. 'I don't think that would make her feel better.'

'She tried to kill us all.'

'I think there's more to it than that.'

Elliot finally looked over, appalled, 'were you there today. She cosied on up to us, then went running off to daddy to give him our heads!'

'Why'd it take her a week?'

'What?'

Finn shook his head in bemusement and sighed, 'You English, you're all the same. You get angry for some reason or another and then run off to kill people. You've got no idea of the long game, of getting your answers first.'

'What fucking long game,' Elliot cut in angrily, 'you were the one who suggested we leave.'

The two men, while living and working comfortably together had never formed the same bond with each other as they had with the others. They were too different yet strikingly similar. Elliot the epitome of masculinity, all muscle and strength; Finn still masculine but in a smaller quieter way. The first would insult you then punch you the face, the second would complement you then slip a knife between your ribs. They respected that they both got the same result while scorning their different methods.

'I'm not saying that maybe she shouldn't die, but it's been hours now and I've calmed down. I learnt at Saladin's side that anyone who acts in anger will be unlikely to see sunrise. If she wanted to sell us out she would have done it the first day, yet she waited a week. I want to know to why.'

Elliot grunted and turned back towards the castle, he would never understand Infidels. 'Fine, ask your questions, but when you're done I'm going to kill her all the same.'

'Depends on her answers.'

'No!' Elliot gave him a deadly look. 'I don't care if she's been to hell and back she's dead.'

Finn shrugged, 'you don't always have to kill a person to punish them, if she's in hell why not keep her there?'

'Maybe….' Elliot said after a moment 'We've got to get her first.'

They were both staring at the heavily guarded castle again. 'We'll get her.' Finn said.

'I guess,' Elliot answered looking dubious, 'we got in the castle before.'

'Nah,' Finn said shaking his head, 'We only got in so easy cause the Black Cloak wanted us in. This is what I mean man,' he smiled over to Elliot, 'you Englishmen have got to learn some patience, let the prey come to you.'

Elliot scoffed, 'What person would be stupid enough to leave the protection of ten inch thick stone walls?'

'Alex apparently.'

'What?' Elliot looked over at Finn's shocked face and then followed his gaze to watch as two shadows crept away from the walls. They were moving low over the flat ground and straight towards them. 'Shit!' The two men looked at each other and then without needing to confer faded further into the trees and out of sight.

For the first time Elliot thanked God that his boots had been lost back at the ravine as his bare feet made no sound on the leaves. He and Fin stalked either side of the pair as they crashed through the foliage and waited for the distance and perfect chance to attack. It was clear that Alex's companion, a small dark haired man, had never hunted in a forest before as his feet seemed to snap twigs that weren't even there. He expected Alex to be better but her gait was off and she was stumbling along, seemingly happy to be led where ever this man was taking her.

'Common, further into the trees then you can sit down. Just a little further.'

The dark haired man spoke with an accent that Elliot couldn't place and he met Finn's eyes over his head. They nodded slightly to each other and then leapt forward onto the path.

Elliot grabbed hold of Alex from behind and with one foot to the back on her knee he forced her to her knees while pulling her head back under her chin. He didn't need a knife to slit her throat, he'd decided to simply snap her neck. She looked up at him and after her initial shock her eyes looked resigned to whatever he was about to do. He had to take a deep breath to resist sliding his hand down and squeezing till she hung limp in his arms but he knew he'd never hear the end of it if Finn didn't get to ask his questions.

'Who are you?'

He looked over to see Finn holding the small man against a tree with a knife to his throat. The small man had his hands up and was shaking his head profusely.

'You need to talk right this second because the way I see it you're an extra I don't need.' He had to smile at Finn's interrogation technique.

'My name's Rafael.' The small man had got his breath back and after running a hand through his hair and trying to appear unfazed by the knife to his jugular he had spoken. 'I'm looking for Olivia Benson. Do you know her?'

'Oh no,' Finn shook his head, 'I'm asking the questions right now…. Why you looking for Benson?'

'We have mutual concerns.'

'Mutual concerns.' Finn exchanged an amused look with Elliot. 'What, you mean her?'

'Among other things.' Rafael was smiling, trying to charm his way out of this situation like he had so many others but seeing Finn's expression turn even uglier after looking at Alex he knew that charm would only get him so far.

'Why should we trust someone who is helping our enemy?' Elliot asked, still holding a surprisingly unresponsive Alex.

'You've got it wrong, she's not your enemy.'

'Right now she is.' Finn let go of Rafael and walked over to Alex. Elliot let go seeing that she was giving no indications of running and went to grab Rafael's arm. Finn crouched down and tipped Alex's head forward. 'Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now?' he asked her.

'You should.' she replied in a croaky voice shivering from the cold. Both her and Rafael were soaked through after having to swim through the moat.

'No! wait wait…' Rafael tried to say before a slap from Elliot stopped him.

'Why'd you wait a week Alex?' Finn asked in a quiet voice, almost looking sympathetic.

She shrugged. 'No that's not good enough.' Finn replied, 'You need to speak to me.' She remained silent and he sighed. He raised a hand and cupped the side of her face. 'You're going to tell me.'

Rafael was dancing from foot and foot and hearing Finn's threat he couldn't stay silent even though his cheek was still stinging from the time before. 'There's you're answer right there.' Finn threw him an annoyed glance not understanding what he meant. Elliot raised his hand again and Rafael shrank back choosing to forget euphemisms and saying rapidly, 'he tortured her.'

Everyone paused for a moment before looking back at Alex. Elliot finally really looked at her, beyond her eyes and his own anger. He saw the bruise on her cheek and the sheen of sweat that covered her whole face. Her eyes weren't focusing on anything and shivers were racking her whole body.

'Show me.' Finn ordered her. She didn't move. 'Alex if he's telling the truth you need to show me!' She still didn't move and Finn sighed reaching for the hem of her shirt. His act seemed to snap her out of the daze and she shuffled backwards pushing his hands away.

'No no no, don't….' she was shaking her head and panting and though Finn tried to reassure her she kept fighting off his hands.

'Help him,' Elliot said to Rafael, 'If you want to help her then you need to let us see.' Rafael nodded and walked forward stepping behind the still kneeling Alex. Her eyes became panicked and flicked between the two men but she still couldn't stop Rafael grabbing her shoulders and pushing her down on to her back. She stretched out her legs and tied to roll to the side but Finn used her distraction to gain the upper hand and kneel on her thighs. Rafael held her arms above her head as Finn once again grabbed the hem of her shirt.

'No no please. Please don't.' she was gasping from the small scuffle and felt tears roll down her face.

The others didn't listen and soon they were all feeling sick from the sight of her torso. Rafael had heard William describe it but to actually see it was different. Every rib had a burn mark running along it and deep incisions had been made like a compass from her belly button. Her skin that should have been white was a mixture of blacks and yellows as different bruises littered the surface and there were bite marks all over her breasts. Finn wouldn't have been surprised if more than one rib was broken. He looked over at Elliot's aghast face and asked. 'You still want to kill her?'

* * *

He stared down at the scene in front of him. He hated her… or so he thought. The woman on the ground wasn't the bitch he had pictured in his head. This woman hadn't ran as soon as she could and betrayed them, gone back to the lap of luxury. Elliot was lost for words as he looked at her face. Her eyes were wide open but looked as if she was seeing something completely different to the forest around her and she was muttering no over and over again under her breath.

Finn cupped the side of her face again but this time he did it gently as Rafael let go of her arms. 'You're okay…..Alex look at me….you're okay.' His words seemed to have no affect and any thoughts they might have had about who was working for who, or who hated who were gone in the face of her obvious distress. Finn moved off her thighs and knelt beside her head, lowering his face to her level. 'Come back to us Alex….. You're not there anymore….you're safe.'

'You need to explain.' Elliot said bluntly to Rafael as Finn continued to calm Alex back down. Rafael got to his feet and went to lean back against an aspen tree.

He watched as Alex blinked and seemed to become aware of where she was again. Finn helped her sit up and he started speaking. 'I'm William's companion. I'm a minstrel. When the Sheriff ordered his son back I came with him. About a week after we arrived Will came back to our rooms and said his father had taken him to see his sister. Said that he was torturing her because she betrayed him. Will's not like his father, he's soft hearted, and he wanted to help her. We came up with a plan to get her, Alex, out of the castle and to this Benson woman that everyone said she was with before we got there. We thought, well I thought, that Benson would want the Sheriff dead as much as I do and would want to help Alex. If she betrayed you it wasn't because she wanted to.'

Finn and Elliot looked at each other when Rafael stopped speaking. It was a good story, but whether it was true or not neither of them could tell. 'We'll take you to Liv.' Elliot decided, 'she can judge whether to believe you or not.' He looked over to Alex who was now visibly swaying where she sat and walked over to pick her up. He set her on her feet and grabbed her upper arm. He motioned towards Finn, 'You take our singer man here.' They all set off walking through the trees again but before they had taken more than a couple of steps Alex's legs gave way from beneath her. 'Don't play with me!' Elliot said roughly, dragging her to her feet again. They walked a bit further but again Alex collapsed and this time Elliot couldn't make her walk again. 'Shit!' he laid her on the ground and felt for her pulse, noticing that her skin was worryingly warm under his palm.

'I don't think she's playing.'

He gave no answer to Finn's statement of the obvious, instead choosing to pick Alex up and throw her over his shoulder. Amanda would know what to do and so he continued walking back to camp.

* * *

Olivia was still awake when Finn returned, still sitting in basically the same position. She looked up as he crawled under the cover.

'Liv you all need to come out and see this.' She raised an eyebrow but Finn just shook his head and motioned that she leave the hollow. She crawled past him and turned to watch as he woke the others. When they were all standing under the ominous black clouds that had formed that night Finn started walking down towards the river. 'We thought it best not to show them the camp.' he said over his shoulder. Olivia and Amanda exchanged a confused look while Munch just looked pissed that he'd been woken up.

Olivia stopped dead when she saw Alex lying at Elliot's feet. She thought she was dead at first and felt a physical pain in her chest that surprised her seeing as that was exactly what she had asked for. When she saw the small movement of Alex's chest her legs went numb with relief.

'Explain.' She looked away from Alex at Elliot's order and saw that he was taking to a small olive skinned man.

'My name is Rafael,' he started looking only at her but speaking to them all. He continued on to give the same story he had given the two men in the forest.

'Why should we believe you?' Munch asked as he saw that Olivia was still reeling from the idea that Alex had been hurt. Rafael shrugged, 'Look at her,' he said motioning to Alex, 'it's obvious she's been tortured and if you've heard anything about William then you'll know I'm not lying about him.' Munch nodded to the others, he had heard the good rumours about the temperament of the Sheriff's son. 'To be honest,' Rafael continued, 'I'm not here for her, or even for you, I'm here for William. His father could corrupt anyone and if he'd do this to his own daughter then I don't want him near Will. You ever heard of your enemy's enemy being your friend?'

'I have,' Olivia finally said kneeling beside Alex, 'and I agree with it. I believe you… but perhaps friend is too far right now.' She placed a hand on Alex's cheek and tried to wake her. 'God she's burning up.' She looked back over her shoulder towards Amanda who came and knelt beside her. Amanda placed her palm on Alex's forehead and then slowly raised the hem of her shirt till just her stomach was showing. Both woman and Munch gasped at the sight and though the other men had seen it before they still felt sickened. A light rain had started to fall around them as they were talking and on seeing the state of Alex Amanda quickly took charge.

'Get her into the hollow.' She said to Elliot standing as he picked Alex up and started up the slope with her. By the time they were all gathered under the roots the rain had gotten harder till it thundered through the cover and Finn and Elliot who were at the edge got slightly wet from the spray. The hollow was dark and uncomfortable quickly filling with the smell of damp unwashed bodies. Amanda and Olivia crouched at the back with Alex laid in front of them. They quickly stripped her of her breeches trying not to see the marks on her legs but when Amanda went to remove her shirt she found it stuck to her back. She tried pulling on it lightly but when Alex groaned- the only noise she had made since collapsing- she decided to leave it.

Olivia had tears in her eyes as she stared down at the body of her friend. She hated that she had jumped to conclusions, that she had doubted Alex so quickly. She had let her walk away, trusted that the Sheriff knew nothing and now…. God. She felt a tear make its way down her cheek and quickly brushed it aside. Her anger wasn't gone, but this time it was directed back at the sheriff. That man had spent his whole life hurting Alex and Olivia swore to herself then that she would never let it happen again.

'You can make it better.' she said to Amanda bluntly, not daring to think that the blonde couldn't.

'Olivia….' Amanda could barely bring herself to tell her idol that she wasn't skilled enough. 'I don't know where to start…there's just so much…. I don't have my medicines.'

'We have to make this better.' Olivia said forcefully looking into Amanda eyes. The blonde stared back trying to convey comfort but not getting through to Olivia's pain. She quickly tried to think of how to help the woman on the ground in front of her.

'I can't help her...'

'Amanda' Olivia interrupted dangerously.

'But I know someone who might be able to.'


	24. Healing

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Their horses were sweating before Finn finally let them slow to a trot. They had been riding hard for hours, as soon as the sun had set and it was only the cold air that kept them awake. Amanda had left the tent that night taking Finn with her and returned just as dawn was breaking with Casey. Olivia had thought that the red head had brought some medicine or bandages but she had arrived empty handed. Amanda told her that if Alex was to survive they had to leave the forest. She and Casey had a mutual friend who would be able to help them but she lived over in Lincolnshire. Elliot hadn't wanted to leave but after hearing it was Alex's only chance Olivia jumped up. She was ready to go right that second but the others cautioned that the forest would be swarming with soldiers after the Sheriff found his daughter missing and that they should only move at night.

It had to have been one of the longest days Olivia had ever sat through. They were right to be cautious as not long after the sun had risen they heard soldiers moving through the trees and so none of them had dared leave the hollow. They sat cramped together under the earth barely daring to breathe lest they be discovered. Olivia wrapped Alex in their brown cloak and used the rain water they had collected the night before to bathe her face and try to get her to drink. Though the blonde had moved and groaned throughout the day she hadn't woken. She now sat in front of Olivia on one of the horses Casey had had brought for them all. She had whimpered when they'd lifted her into the saddle and even though her eyes were still closed Olivia whispered in her ear for the whole ride; telling her that everything was going to be okay, that she had to hold for just a little longer. It wasn't that she didn't care about the others, she knew that they were tired and desperately hungry but with the worryingly hot body in her arms there was only room for Alex in her head. She felt her shaking and decided that the horses had been rested enough, digging her heels into her mount's side and driving it into a canter.

* * *

Dawn was threatening on the horizon by the time they arrived. Amanda made them pause on the side road they had been travelling on.

'It's probably best if Casey and I go alone from here. We'll come back and get you.'

Nobody said a word as the two woman rode off and the silence continued until they returned.

'We can't take the horses.' Amanda said dismounting hers.

'Where are we?' Munch replied as everyone followed Amanda and dismounted as well.

'The Abbey of Saint Francis,' Casey said before Amanda could, 'The abbey my father sent me to when he decided I should devote myself to God.'

'Okay…How does Amanda know anyone in an Abbey?'

'Can we talk later please!' Olivia interpreted harshly. She was holding Alex in her arms and hated how weak her breathing had become. Amanda threw her a grateful look and ignored Munch's question.

'Finn and Elliot can take the horses.' she said, 'there's a town about ten miles from here, get rid of them there. Not the village before it, the town. Walk back but wait till nightfall, the sisters can't see you enter.' Elliot opened his mouth to object but Olivia was already walking and he had no choice but to accept the reins Rafael gave him.

'Matins has just ended,' Amanda said as she led them all forward, 'everyone will be at breakfast and so she said she'd leave the side gate open and we could go to the old abandoned chapel in the corner of the grounds.'

'Who is it you know exactly?' Munch asked after throwing a look at Olivia who seemed fine with talking as long as they were all moving at the same time.

'Her.' Amanda motioned towards the wall that had appeared in the gloom. The others all looked up to see a woman standing in a doorway. She was remarkably tall, taller than Alex even, and would have been intimidating if it weren't for the soft lines around her mouth and light brown eyes.

'May I introduce Mother Magdalen Clare.' Amanda said walking over to the nun.

'An abbess. Wow Amanda, friends in high places.'

The sister smiled over at Munch before her expression turned serious once again and she looked at the body in Olivia's arms. 'Follow me.' She said in a surprisingly soft voice, turning and walking through the gate.

The sun had finally decided to rise though the clouds prevented it from shining through. The day looked to be a cold one and rain threatened at any moment. Mother Clare led them though an orchid before arriving at a small chapel in the corner by the rough stone walls that encircled the Abbey. 'This is Sister Benedict.' She said motioning towards a nun standing inside the doorway. The chapel was one single long room with the far wall curving inwards in a semi-circle.

'Sister!' Casey said surprised, 'I never thought I'd see you again.'

'Don't worry she can be trusted and I need her help.' The Abbess said seeing Olivia's panicked expression at the unexpected woman.

'Casey,' the sister replied, 'I questioned what I'd done to anger God when the Abbess here told me I would be seeing you again.'

Casey smiled sarcastically and went to reply but a stern look from the Abbess made her close her mouth.

'Did you bring everything I asked?' the Abbess said, speaking to the small chubby Sister.

'Yes mother superior, it's all there.'

'Good. You men,' she said pointing to Munch and Rafael, 'sit in this corner and start a fire. The wood is hard and dry and so shouldn't produce much smoke but try and direct it out of this window so it can't be seen from the main building. Your job is give me hot water whenever I need it.' The men nodded accepting that this stranger had come and taken control of the situation and that now wasn't the time to argue.

'Olivia, we've laid some blankets over at this end. It will give us the most privacy. Lay her over here.' The woman started walked towards the end of the room but before they got there the Abbess turned around. 'Casey, on second thoughts it's probably best if you stay and help with the fire.'

'Oh um yeah okay…. I can do that.' The red head looked left out for moment before she turned and walked away but Olivia decided her friend's feelings would have to wait. She lay Alex down then knelt beside her. The blonde had become restless as they were walking and had twisted and turned in Olivia's arms murmuring under her breath.

'Tell me everything that happened.' The Abbess said and so Olivia started speaking. She told her everything that she knew, since Casey had been captured to the story that Rafael had told them. She glossed over the things that Alex had told her in confidence choosing instead to simply say that her father did not treat her well.

'Okay,' the Abbess nodded appearing unfazed by the story. 'We'll deal with her back last, just cut away the shirt for now. Olivia do you have any medical training?' Olivia shook her head no. 'Okay then please stay up by her head and if she wakes make her sleep again. Amanda by her feet please.'

The women all moved where they had been ordered and slowly peeled the sweat soaked clothes off Alex's skin. When she felt hands on her body Alex started to struggle but Olivia stroked her hair and made ssshhhing noises in her ear until she calmed again.

There was a moment of silence as they all looked down at Alex's body. Olivia and Amanda had already seen it the night before but there was no way to prepare for the damage that had been done. Olivia remembered the sight of Alex's naked chest in the forest, how it felt to hold her in her arms their breasts pressing together, how the throbbing between her legs had been almost painful and wanted to cry at the sight in front of her. She was so beautiful, would always be beautiful but that bastard had scared her and beaten and Olivia didn't want to think about what else and she just couldn't….

Mother Clare was drawn out of her horror when she heard a sob to her right. She took a shaky breath and said 'We're going to make it better Olivia.' She put a hand on the crying woman's shoulder and waited for her to wipe away her tears. 'We're going to make it okay.' Nobody spoke after that but they all couldn't help thinking that sometimes things couldn't be made okay again.

Amanda walked to and from the fire to collect the water while the Abbess and Sister Benedict worked quickly on Alex's chest. They put a salve of fenugreek on her burns and washed and covered the cuts. They soaked cloth in boiling water and washed the bite marks to try and prevent infection.

'We'll strap up the broken ribs after I've seen to her back.' the Abbess said when Alex's torso was at least half bandage instead of skin. Alex had tossed a little and her moans had become louder but Olivia had continued whispering in her ear and bathing her face in cold water to try and bring the fever down and so she yet to wake. The Abbess moved to replace Amanda by her feet and stared down at the bruises on her legs. 'Do we know what happened here?'

'No, not exactly,' Amanda replied after seeing that Olivia wouldn't or couldn't think about and discuss what needed to be discussed. 'But umm….'

'You think he let that happen to his own daughter?'

Amanda just shrugged at the question Sister Benedict's couldn't hold back.

'Do you think he was the one who… ?'

'Does that really matter right now!' Olivia all but shouted at the now scared looking nun. 'We don't know what happened! We came to you to make it better not to ask nosey fucking questions.' She was breathing hard and trying to not cry again. The whispered conversation that was happening by the fire went quiet and everyone just sat there trying to not the see the marks on Alex's thighs.

Mother Clare gave her nun a stern look before turning a sympathetic eye on Olivia. 'You're right. We're not here to pry just to make whatever happened better.' She waited for Olivia to nod before she gently separated Alex's legs and washed away the blood and dirt that covered her lower half. She had Amanda bend and hold one leg at the knee while the Sister held the other.

'Well….was she?' Olivia had seen the marks on the inside of Alex's legs, alone had heard the terrible stories about what her father used to do but still a part of her held out hope. This was Alex. She'd been through too much already… had suffered too much already. Olivia couldn't bear to think that she had had to suffer that as well.

Mother Clare looked down at the torn and inflamed flesh in front of her. She didn't know how Alex had ever sat a horse the day after. Looking back up at Olivia she let her silence act as conformation. Olivia let out a shaky breath before she slammed her fist into the ground beside Alex's head. 'Olivia…'

'No!' Olivia didn't want the Abbesses comfort. 'No. I knew this would happen. I knew…. God I let her walk away.' Olivia wasn't trying to wipe away her tears now.

Mother Clare looked at her and decided that comfort wasn't going to work this time. 'Olivia,' she said in a stern voice, 'it wasn't your fault… you know this. But whatever guilt you need to feel…. fine feel it, but feel it later. Right now we need to heal her body before we start crying for what was done.' Olivia looked up shocked by the Abbesses harsh but needed words. She took a steadying breath before wiping her face and nodding.

The three woman got to work tending to Alex's lower half and in no time every burn and cut was wrapped. Mother Clare had gently spread a salve on Alex's torn sex- that she told Olivia would need to be applied daily- and they had all held their breath when it looked like she was about to wake. But her eye lids had only fluttered before her breathing returned to normal shallowness it was before.

'Okay, now for her back.' The Abbess helped gently roll Alex onto her front and stared at the blood soaked cloth that had dried and stuck to the wounds. She had Amanda fetch more warm water and then soaked the rest of their cloths in it before laying them on Alex's back. She made them all wait for a time for the water to soak through to what was left of the shirt before gently attempting to peel it off. Alex whimpered and tried to pull away in her sleep but Olivia took hold of her arms and Amanda her feet as the two nuns worked quickly but softly to bare her back.

'Dear God.' Sister Benedict leaned back from the sight in front of her and drew the cross over her chest. There was barely any skin left and some of the open wounds had tried to scab while the rest still oozed slightly. Mother Clare picked up a needle and thread and stitched as best she could- where skin still remained- the lashes that had been made with no pattern in Alex's back. It took time but eventually they were able to lay a thick layer of salve over the wounds before covering it with a padded bandage and using the straps of cloth for her ribs to hold it in place. The sister re-broke and set the bones in the fingers on Alex's left hand and then they were done. They had tended to every wound they could and now it was up to God if Alex would pull through.

'Feed her this,' the Abbess said handing Olivia a cup of ground and brewed poppy seeds mixed with water. 'It's amazing that she slept through all that but just in case she decides to wake before the fever has ended…. this will stop that. Swaddle her in a blanket and don't take it off even when it looks like she could swim in her own sweat. She has to burn this fever out.' Olivia nodded and walked with the nuns to the door. 'I'll be back daily,' the abbess continued, 'to see to the wounds and reapply the salve. In the meantime, please none of you leave the chapel during the day. No one can know you're here.' Olivia promised that they wouldn't and for a moment all three woman looked back at the form still lying on the dais, all feeling a pain that was almost physical though two of them didn't even know Alex.

'Till tomorrow.' The abbess shook Olivia's hand and turned to leave.

'Mother superior….'

'Yes….Munch?'

Olivia and the others all looked confused as to what Munch could possibly want after doing basically nothing all morning.

'Not to be rude or anything,' Munch said doing his best to look coy and failing miserably, 'but errrm I was wondering if perhaps we could get us some food…'


	25. The medicine garden

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

 ***Trigger, slight suicide mention.***

It had been a week since they'd arrived and Olivia hadn't left Alex's side. She ate all her meals staring down at the blonde and only left the chapel to use the toilet. The fever had gotten worse and at one point Olivia hadn't slept for two days in case Alex's already weak breathing stopped altogether. She had bathed her face in water and tried to get her to drink but she followed the Abbesses instructions clearly and never removed the cloak and layers, even when Alex felt as she was going to burn to ash right there. The Abbess herself was true to her word and returned every night to change and check the dressings on Alex's body and slowly they began to heal though the wounds on her back still looked agonising.

However, though Munch, Amanda and Rafael were happy to remain inside during the day with Olivia, making sure that she looked after herself as well, the others couldn't stand the confinement and spent most of their time in the woods nearby. It was around noon on the eighth day that Alex finally woke.

* * *

Olivia was sitting on the dais steps with her head in her hands. She didn't really know how she felt about God, about who he was or even if he was there but lately she had found herself praying. She prayed that Alex would get better; that she would know what to do and say when she did wake up; that she would one day get to give the Sheriff what he deserved. She heard a groan from behind her but didn't turn. Alex had been making noises all week and had at one point looked as if she had woken only to close her eyes again and fall back to sleep. She heard the groan again, louder this time, and without much interest turned her head just in case one of Alex's wounds was bleeding. Her eyes met Alex's just as the blonde's fluttered open.

Olivia was paralysed by shock. She had waited and prayed for Alex to wake up and every day she had felt like banging her head against the wall in frustration when she didn't. Even the Abbess had remarked that Alex was taking a long time to wake up, that she had expected her to regain consciousness when the fever passed.

'Alex?' Olivia croaked, her voice breaking from un-use. She felt herself holding her breath, hoping that this wasn't just another false alarm; though unlike the last time Alex's eyes were clear instead of glassy from fever.

'Alex?' she tried again, this time moving forward and coming to cup the side of Alex's face. 'Alex it's me. Olivia.'

Alex crunched her face in confusion and pain. 'Where am I?' she said in a weak voice.

'Somewhere safe. Somewhere far away and safe.' Olivia replied with a smile.

The others had noticed that Alex was awake but for now hung back, giving the blonde time to understand what had happened.

'Do you remember what happened?' Olivia asked getting slightly worried that the confused and empty look hadn't left Alex's face.

'Yes.' Alex replied in a monotone voice as if she hadn't really listened to the question.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Olivia asked softly.

Alex looked up into her eyes and then over to the crowd by the door, 'I'm tired' she said before closing her eyes again and twisting her head out of Olivia's palm.

Olivia knelt there for a moment, wanting to shake the blonde awake again. She had hoped to get Alex to eat but she had given her no chance to offer the thin broth the Abbess had left them. She understood that as bad as the wounds to Alex's body had been it would be the injury to her mental state that could prove the most dangerous. As much as she wanted to have a long and deep conversation in which she begged for Alex's forgiveness she knew that if Alex wasn't ready to be awake she couldn't force her.

* * *

Elliot, Finn and Casey got back about an hour after the sun had set and the others quickly told them what had happened earlier in the day. Alex hadn't opened her eyes again although from the change in her breathing Olivia knew that she wasn't asleep the whole time.

The Abbess arrived just after Matins, when all the other nuns were back in their cells tired enough to fall straight back to sleep. They hadn't seen Sister Benedict since that first night. Olivia told her quietly by the door what had happened before they both walked over to Alex, who was still pretending to be asleep. The others all stayed at the other side of the room.

'Alex,' the Abbess said softly, 'I know you're awake.' Alex didn't move. 'I know you must be hungry.'

The words entered Alex's head slowly and it took her a couple of seconds to understand what they meant. Until that moment she hadn't given one thought to food or to hunger and now wondered to herself if the Abbess was right. After a moment she concluded that she was not. She had moved past hunger she thought. Her body felt as if it were floating, as if her limbs were no longer attached; only the pain reassured her that they were. No, she wasn't hungry but the thought of food reminded her of her thirst. She slowly opened her eyes and, ignoring Olivia, looked at the Abbess. 'Water.' she whispered.

The Abbess reached for the flask that Olivia handed her and with one hand on the back of Alex's head tipped the liquid into her mouth. 'I really do want you eat though Alex, you need to get your strength back.'

Alex ignored her request and asked instead, 'Who are you?'

'I'm Mother Clare, Abbess to the Abbey of Saint Francis in Lincolnshire. You're hiding in our disused chapel.' Alex didn't respond so she continued. 'I'm guessing you don't remember what happened but you were hurt when you got here and I helped tend to your injuries. I came back tonight to check and change your dressings. I'm going to do that now okay?'

'No'

'Alex I promise I'll be gentle but these wounds need to washed and…'

'No' Alex said again, this time stronger. The thought of someone touching her when she was unconscious made her want to be sick and the thought of someone touching her now wasn't much better. Her eyes moved panicked between Olivia and Mother Clare then over Olivia's shoulder to the others. They were baring the door and suddenly she was aware of how weak she was, how unable she was to fight back she was.

'Alex…' Olivia said gently reaching out her hands to try and comfort the now struggling woman. Alex jerked as best she could away from Olivia's hands and felt tears pool in her eyes without her consent.

'No…. no please,' she gasped. She knew that Olivia must hate her, that they all must hate her but she couldn't understand how they could be so cruel. The people she had gotten to know would have just killed their enemies not punished them first. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' she sobbed panic truly overtaking her, 'God just kill me, please!'

Olivia jerked back as if Alex had punched her. She was rendered speechless for a moment. She didn't understand why Alex was afraid of her, why she suddenly seemed to hate her and she had to blink back tears and take a couple of deep breaths before reaching forward again. 'Alex I…'

'No! Get out. Get out!' Alex was screaming now trying to break free of the swaddling cloak and get away from the two women.

'Alex… Alex' the Abbess said with her hands raised in surrender trying to calm the blonde as she pushed Olivia back and away. Amanda and Casey started to walk forward to offer their help.

'Don't…..No!...Get out!' Alex screamed taking gasping breaths between words. Her eyes had become glassy and they flicked from person to person. When she saw the two women slowly walking towards them she finally completely lost it and started to scream nonstop. As much pain as she was in she couldn't stand to suffer anymore. Olivia and the others had every right to wish her dead but she just wanted it to be quick. Was that too much to hope for.

'Leave!' the Abbess said firmly to Olivia. 'You all need to leave.' She was worried that Alex's screams might wake the other Sisters and she didn't want to deal with any awkward questions the next morning, God forbid any of them come exploring.

Olivia heard the door open and knew that the others must be leaving but she couldn't leave Alex. She had to let her know that whatever she thought she wasn't angry, that she was the one who had done wrong not her. The tears she had been struggling to hold back finally started to roll down her cheeks and she went to move back towards the dais.

'No,' Casey said catching her arm, 'you're not helping her by being here right now Liv.' They both looked at Alex who had stopped screaming but who was now curled, as much as she could manage, into a ball and was shaking from sobs. 'Come on, we need to leave.'

* * *

They all stood by the door way, trying not to hear the crying from inside. Elliot sighed loudly and brought his hands to rest on his head while Casey did her best to comfort an anxious and upset Olivia. Finally Amanda had had enough and without a backward look she strode off towards the Abbey. Rafael went as if to follow her but Finn put his hand up and telling the others that he'd got it he went jogging off after the blonde.

He said nothing as he sat down beside her in a small garden by the side of the Abbey. He felt nervous being this close to the building in case one of the sisters decided to go on a midnight stroll but knew he couldn't leave Amanda right now. He let the silence continue, waiting until she ready to speak.

'This was my favourite place you know.' she said after a while, wiping the tears off her cheeks. 'It was as if as much pain and injury there was in the world God had given us a way to make it all better, right here in the soil.'

'It's a medicine garden?' Finn asked looking round at the plants. He couldn't see much in the dark and to be honest in the day he probably wouldn't have noticed either. It did explain why Amanda knew so much about herbal medicine though. 'You know a lot about pain?' has asked in a softer voice after Amanda had nodded to his previous question. He knew he was taking a risk, that she hated to talk about her past but he hoped that seeing as she had started the conversation she would be willing to discuss it; at least a little.

Tilting her head back in an effort to stop the tears that wouldn't stop pooling in her eyes Amanda shrugged, 'pain is pain.' Then because she didn't want to feel as if she was misleading Finn, letting on that her life had been truly horrible she added, 'It's nothing that bad Finn, just life, nothing original…'

'Just pain' he said quietly.

They sat in silence again for a time while Amanda took some shaky breaths in an attempt to regain control. 'Mother Clare used to be in charge of the garden,' she said suddenly, 'of course she wasn't Abbess then just Sister Clare but she helped me… was kind to me.'

Finn didn't reply. He'd learnt that sometimes silence was the best way to learn things. That people had some innate desire to fill the air with noise when they were together. Amanda was no different.

'I was the last child of the Duke of Buckinghamshire,' she started, looking straight ahead into the darkness. 'He was an old man by the time I was born and my mother was his fifth wife. He'd already gotten five sons, three of which had survived to adulthood and four daughters who he had already married off by the time I was born. I was to be the child who ensured his salvation.

When I was four I was given to the Abbey for them to raise and told that one day I would become a Sister just like them. I can't remember any other life but this and for the first six years I was the model pupil. Then things started to change. The girls I had grown up with were all taken away by their families to be married off to this man and that and I found myself becoming jealous of their lives. That they would get to know something else, something other than the Abbey.

I started to act out, to question everything the Sister's had me do. I loved to be outdoors but the Abbess before Sister Clare was a horrible woman. She believed that nature was to be revered and loved as God's creation but up close it was dirty and any proper woman would stay clear. I snuck out at night and about half the time I was caught. The other girls, the ones who were also staying or who were younger, started to ignore me. I was the trouble maker and they knew that they could do what they wanted to me and the Sister's wouldn't care.

I was beaten, starved, made to sleep outside in the dead of winter but I just couldn't stop. I prayed to God every night that he would enter my heart and make me a good person, who could do as they were told but every day when they were shouting at me, or literally walking over me on the way to dinner I would scream at them and try to hit them.

When Casey arrived things got a little better. Suddenly there was someone there who was kicking off as much as me. They did the same to her and we didn't exactly become friends but we recognised that a part of us was the same, was different to everyone else.'

'She never told us' Finn couldn't help but interject.

'Why would she,' Amanda replied with a small bitter smile, 'It's nothing, it's…'

'Just pain.' Finn interrupted sighing.

'Exactly. Unlike my father hers couldn't afford to pay for his troublesome daughter and so she left and it was as if everything they were used to doing to her just moved over to me. That there were used to doing double the amount and it didn't matter that there was only half the usual culprits.

That's how I got to know to Mother Clare so well.' Amanda smiled slightly, 'she was always kind to me, helped bandage me up and taught me what she was doing as she did it. I liked being out in the garden with her.'

The smile quickly fell from her face, 'yet, even her kindness wasn't enough. When I was fifteen I seemed to finally cross a line, they'd finally had enough. The Abbess had everyone stand in the courtyard and made me stand in the middle,' she felt herself begin to cry and hated that over a year later it could still have this effect on her. 'She made me strip and had everyone walk to the edge of the grounds. There was a cross lying on the ground and I remember thinking that they were going to put nails in my hands….' Amanda's voice was shaking now and she struggled to go on. Finn didn't dare make a sound unless it stopped her from continuing.

'She didn't nail me to it, just tied me tight with rope till I couldn't move. She left me up there for three days and some of the Sisters would come along and throw stones at me or rotting food. My whole body burned in the day and froze in the night. She said that now I would perhaps know what our Lord suffered for us and would be more willing to give my life to thank him for it. Mother Clare nursed me back to health and the day I could sit up again and walk by myself she caught me trying to eat some hemlock leaves.

She ummm… she stopped me and helped me escape and then I found you guys.' Amanda said quickly as if she just wanted the whole story to be over with and couldn't bear to give any more detail than she already had. Finn sat in silence, trying to comprehend what she had told him. He wished he knew what to say but as the silence grew longer and heavier he could only settle for taking and holding her hand, hoping that all the comfort he wanted to give could be translated through one squeeze.

'Do you think she'll be okay?' Amanda asked after they had sat in a comfortable silence for a time. She felt better that someone finally knew where she came from but couldn't shake the panic she had seen in Alex's eyes.

'Yeah, of course she will.' Finn didn't need to ask who the 'she' was.

'She asked us to kill her Finn.'

Finn looked over to the girl beside him and remember that though she was just a girl his bright and empty promise wasn't going to be enough, that truth as he knew it, upsetting as it was, would be better. He sighed deeply.

'Alex has had a hard life. A life I don't think any of us will ever truly understand and it's that that could kill her now. When everything is said or done, irrespective of the support you have, you have to have a place inside of yourself that you can retreat to. A foundation of who you are that keeps you going when the outside world becomes unbearable. Liv's going to do her best, we all will, but if Alex hasn't built that place then when things are bad, bad enough that no one can help she will have nowhere to go. At the end, when everything is silent, you have to be able to live inside yourself.'


	26. The sheep Alex!

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'Olivia...'

'No! I said I'm not leaving and I meant it.'

It was the following morning and everyone was back inside the chapel. Alex was sleeping again due to the pain medicine the Abbess had given her and Elliot and the others were trying to convince Olivia to go out into the woods with them. The brunet had become ghostly pale even under her olive skin and the dark circles under her eyes looked set to become permanent. Munch had volunteered to stay with Alex but Olivia was still refusing to go.

'Liv,' Elliot said testily, his patience already used up, 'you're not helping her by making yourself sick. You need the fresh air!' Olivia just shook her head.

'She won't even know you were gone.' Casey tried but still Olivia refused to budge.

'She doesn't want to see you!' everyone, including Olivia, turned round to stare shocked at Rafael. 'she's scared of you,' he continued shrugging his shoulders, 'she didn't want to leave the castle because she thinks you're all going to kill her and last night only proved she still thinks that.' Olivia was shaking her head and turning away but he didn't stop. 'Your friends can pussy foot around you all they want but everyone knows that if you care for her, you'll leave. Seeing you right now won't help her!'

The others held their breaths as Olivia clenched her teeth and breathed deeply, looking away from them all and back at Alex. Finally, just when Amanda had been about to speak, her shoulders slumped and everyone breathed out once again as she nodded slightly at Rafael and started walking towards the door.

'When she's calmed down Liv, that will be when she wants to see you.' Rafael said softly putting a hand on her back and following her out of the door.

* * *

It had been hours since the others had left and Munch had been napping in the midday sun when a noise startled him awake. Blinking his eyes against the light he turned in the direction of the noise to see that Alex had accidently knocked over the cup water at her side. Her expression was panicked as she looked over to see him awake.

There was a moment of silence, where they just stared, each looking as panicked as the other. 'How long have you been up?' Munch finally asked, pushing away his fear and finding a smile. He got to his feet and came to kneel beside her. He hadn't expected her to be awake this early. When he'd volunteered to stay it had been with prospect that he could nap in peace; not attempt to offer comfort. Alex said nothing. 'Are you hungry,' he continued unsure of what to do, 'you must be hungry.' Alex again said nothing. 'I'll go get you something.' He walked back off the dais ignoring Alex's silence and filled a bowl with some of the broth the Abbess had left. 'Here,' he said after walking back and presenting it to her, 'just take a sip.' Alex kept her lips resolutely closed. 'It's not poisoned I promise.' he said with a grin trying to break the tension. 'Look' he took a sip from the bowl then shoved it back under Alex's nose, whose only response was to raise her eyebrows. 'Common Alex,' he sighed, 'none of us want to hurt you. Just eat!' The panic was now gone from her eyes instead replaced by a stubbornness that let Munch know he wasn't in for an easy fight. 'I wouldn't lie to you.'

'Oh well in that case…' Alex said, the sarcasm slightly lost in the weakness of her voice.

'No I wouldn't,' Munch replied smiling again, 'Thou shalt not bear false witness.'

Alex hadn't wanted to speak, hadn't wanted Munch to know she was awake. Apart from Olivia he was the one that she knew best in the camp but she still didn't know him well. He would talk to her, as if she were actually a person, and though she never responded often it didn't stop him from making conversation. She got the feeling that he spoke whenever he didn't know what to say. She hoped that if she spoke just a little he might decide to go away and nap again.

'You believe in God? I got the impression that you were all heathens who were hiding from the church in the forest.'

'Well…. some of us might be, but not me. I was a friar remember.' He got off his knees and sat next to her chest so he was looking down into her face. He settled the bowl in his lap and tried to prepare himself for the conversation that he'd really rather not be having. He wished he'd never persuaded Olivia to go and knew he'd have to reign in his usual sarcasm. Perhaps if he just talked to her like he used to, like he talked to everyone else, and not like an invalid she would open up. 'God is everywhere. He is the Lord above all Lords and he sees everything… the sheep Alex.'

'What?' Alex had surprised herself and almost laughed- she hadn't thought she could ever smile again- and would have if it wasn't for the extremely serious look on Munch's face.

'The sheep are angels in disguise Alex.'

She looked up into his face and this time couldn't help but smile. During her time in the ravine the others had said Munch had his strange theories but this was the first time he'd ever explained one to her. 'Angel Gabriel is pretending to be sheep to spy on us?'

'No of course not!' he said appearing extremely affronted by the idea. 'It's not the important ones of course… it's the smaller angels. Why else do you think the Bible talks about the flock of God all the time…?'

'Okay...' she said nodding, choosing to just go along with the crazy idea, slightly annoyed that his 'theory' had baited her into talking. 'But that still doesn't mean you aren't lying to me, there are no sheep here.'

Munch looked around as if to check and her smile grew wider, 'No, I guess there aren't.' he said somewhat sadly. They sat and lay in silence for a time as Munch tried to think of way to gain her trust and Alex once again succumbed to the memoires and thoughts that plagued both her dreams and her waking moments.

'Do you think Olivia is a bad person?' he asked suddenly.

'No.' Alex replied quickly surprised at the question and not giving it any thought.

'Do you think anyone of us want to hurt or kill her?'

'No of course not.'

'Then why do you think we want to hurt you?'

Alex dropped her eyes, 'It's not the same.'

'Why isn't it?'

'I betrayed you… I…' Alex was angry that he was making her explain everything she had done, everything she hated thinking about.

'Why?'

'Why what? Ask an actual question!' Alex's patience, shortened by pain, was gone in a flash. She hated thinking about that day, remembering what she had done.

'Why did you betray us Alex?'

'I don't understand the question.' she said still not meeting his eyes.

'Did you hate us?'

'No.' she was angry that he could even think that.

'Did you want us to die?'

'No! Stop asking that.'

'Then why…. Why did you lead him to us?'

'I just…' Alex was panting now trying to push back the tears she felt in her eyes. Her throat was closing and she was finding it harder and harder to speak. 'I just wanted it to stop.'

Munch reached forward slowly and gently cupped the side of her face as she fought to regain control of her breathing. 'You didn't betray us Alex.' He said firmly making sure she heard every word. 'When Olivia was captured we moved camps,' she caught his eyes again looking surprised. 'Yes, we moved. Not because we thought Liv would betray us but because torture is torture. No one, not matter how good they are, can withstand it.' She lost her fight against the tears and felt them roll down her cheeks. 'No one here blames you. No one.'

They sat in silence once again as Alex's tears slowly came to a stop and Munch removed his hand from her face. 'Actually,' she said quietly after a while, looking up at him again, 'I am quite hungry.'


	27. The Plan

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Rafael looked up into the tree and tried to figure out how the hell Olivia had gone about climbing it. The others had split off into pairs as soon as they had arrived at the tree edge, all of them looking at home and happy amongst the leaves. Rafael did not share their confidence and so decided that sticking with Olivia was probably the best option; besides he wanted to talk to her alone anyways.

She had avoided him for the first hour, ignoring him if he tried to speak and climbing various trees to get away. At first he had expected her mood to lighten as the day went on but her sullen silence continued and now he was left thinking that he would have to brave the climb if he ever wanted to have his conversation.

She had a couple of inches on him and normally his height didn't bother him but looking up to the lowest branches, just out of reach, he cursed his limited growth. He walked back a couple of paces and after taking a deep breath ran at the tree and jumped. He missed the first four times catching hold of the branch on the fifth. Dangling from the air he thought that perhaps he should have planned beyond the first jump as now he had no idea what to do. He had grown up in Madrid, in the middle of the city and trees were in short supply, especially ones as big and green as these. Swinging his legs up he wrapped them round the branch and pulled himself up till he was sitting astride it. Smiling, quite proud of his small achievement, he shakily stood to his feet, holding onto the trunk for balance, and looked up to sight the next hand hold. It took him twenty minutes to climb to Olivia's height, him making the mistake of looking down half way up and having to close his eyes and cling to the wood till his heart slowed down. The bark was rough under his hands and the branch he ended up perched on, just to the side of Olivia, who had largely ignored his progress, bent slightly under his weight and he wished that he hadn't had to climb so high; the ground below looking like a brown blur.

'Are you going to mope all day?' he asked of Olivia who still hadn't looked at him. She was sat with her back to the trunk one leg bent up on the branch one leg swinging in the air. Rafael marvelled that she could look so at ease while his knuckles were white. 'We have something in common.' He tried when he realised that she wasn't going to respond to baiting.

Olivia laughed bitterly to herself. 'What could we possibly have that is the same?'

'A desire.'

She turned her head and looked at him with a scowl. 'I'm not in the mood, say what you mean or leave me alone.'

Rafael's smile left his face and suddenly he became deadly serious. In flat monotone voice he said, 'We both want the Sheriff dead.'

'What reason could you have for being bothered about that?' In all the worry about Alex Olivia hadn't really given much thought to the companion they had gained along the way. She knew he was foreign but didn't know, or to be honest care, from where, and that he had come from the castle. The latter was enough to make her suspicious.

'We haven't really had the chance to speak because of how sick Alex was,' Rafael started, 'but now she's getting better it's time I explained why I'm here. I guess it's a long story but to cut it short, I love William like he's my own son.' Olivia's eyes raised in surprise, she hadn't expected that. 'I thought that I would be enough to protect him, to make sure that his father didn't corrupt him and destroy his kind nature but after seeing what he did to Alex, to his own flesh and blood…. I can't let that happen to Will.'

'Why should I trust you?' Olivia replied after a moment.

'I brought you Alex,' Rafael shrugged, 'I risked my life for someone I don't know just to make you happy and destroyed my chance of staying by Will's side. I want the Sheriff dead and you can help me.'

Olivia thought to herself for a time but in the end was too tired to question Rafael any further. 'Don't you think,' she said, 'that if I could have killed the Sheriff I would have done it a long time ago? Everyone may hate him but I would have to leave the country if I killed him outright.'

'Who says you're the one who has to kill him?' Rafael answered with a smile.

Olivia turned her body towards him and Rafael blanched seeing her back leaving the support of the tree trunk. 'I've told you I don't like riddles. Just say what the fuck you mean.'

His smile fell again as he realised that his normal sarcasm and humour wouldn't work in this conversation. Olivia's patience was only enough for straight, blunt sentences. 'The Sheriff is hated in the north yes?' Olivia nodded. 'Before I settled at Sir John's in Northumbria I travelled over the whole north of England, a minstrel is welcome anywhere you know. All the northern Barons hate King John and anyone who works for them. If the Sheriff were to die in a hunting accident say, or from eating a bad meal and the Barons, the nobility, swept it under the rug then no one would question anything.'

'Agreed, but why would they do that, what part would we play in that?'

'They'd need someone to blame.'

'Then that's no different to me going out and killing him now and the Barons hunting me down for it!' Olivia said angrily.

'No don't you see,' Rafael said eagerly leaning forward on his branch and cursing when it bent further under his weight and he heard it groan in the air. 'Yes, if you kill the Sheriff now then the Barons will kill you to send a message, and yes the Barons could kill him themselves _but_ then King John would kill them. But!... if you work together…. I'll write a paper that states that Barons such and such agree that the Sheriff is to be killed. They then all sign and seal it and we keep that as insurance. Then when we kill the Sheriff, the Barons will call off the man hunt after a few days saying we've fled and can't be found or else we make sure King John finds the paper.'

'And you can get the Barons to agree to this?'

'Give me a year and I'll have them all sign it.'

'If… and that's still only an if, I go along with this mad plan of yours, Alex isn't well enough yet and there's no way I'd let you go on your own.'

'I have a plan for that as well.'

'Of course you do.' Olivia sighed closing her eyes.

'Just hear me out okay. I have a friend down in Kent, a noble but not too noble man, who lives with his family on his smallish plot of land. Alex isn't going to get better in a week, in a month. Even when her body is healed, her soul… she won't get better in the middle of the forest and you can't stay here forever.' Olivia opened her eyes again hearing the truth in his words even if she didn't want to accept it.

'Let me go with one of you to the northern Barons. You and Alex will go south to stay with my friend so she can get better. The others can go back to the forest and keep doing whatever it was you were doing. We agree to all meet back here in a year.'

Olivia turned and leant back against the tree, letting the wind lift and play with her hair. She'd wanted the Sheriff dead for years, now more than ever after meeting Alex but had never been able to come up with a plan. Now here was a small Spaniard that she'd never met offering to use his influence with the Barons to give her what she'd always wanted, offering a chance for her to help Alex get better in peace. But the plan had holes in it, it required that she trust a lot of people and she didn't know whether it would ever work.

'Give me time to decide. To talk it over with the others. You'll have your answer in three days.'

Rafael grinned again and promised her that everything would work out, that his plan was perfect.

'Trust me Liv, this is the way to get rid of him once and for all.' Olivia just grunted and went back to staring out over the canopy. 'Errr Liv…' she turned her head back in annoyance, 'just one last thing,' he said sheepishly, 'how do I get down?'

* * *

Alex woke to the sound of voices and she lay with her eyes closed summoning the strength to face them all again. Munch's words from the day before ran through her head and even though back then she had been able to believe them, here and now, with everyone back inside the chapel it was hard to remember that they didn't want to hurt her.

'How long has she been asleep?' Alex recognised the sound of the Abbess's voice and figured that it must have been her arriving that woke her.

'Munch said she managed half the broth before drifting off around noon.' Olivia this time. 'He told me that he told her that we didn't want to hurt her.'

'Did she believe him?'

Alex didn't hear Olivia's reply and concluded it must have been nonverbal.

'Alex' she felt the Abbess hand on her shoulder and knew she couldn't feign sleep any longer. Blinking a few times she let her eyes flutter open to see both the Abbess and Olivia leaning over her. She wanted to say something, but couldn't think of what.

'Alex I need to check your bandages again.' She simply nodded in response.

'Do you want the others to leave?' Olivia asked. She thought for a moment, wanting to be strong but hating the thought of the others watching as she was stripped in front of them. She nodded again.

'Do you want me to leave?' Olivia asked quietly, hoping against hope for a negative response. Alex was still for a moment before she slowly shook her head, her heart beating widely at the thought of Olivia staying at her side. One part of her wanted Liv to wrap her in her arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, that she still wanted her, that she wasn't broken but the other part, the part that was speaking sense, told her that she couldn't be fixed. She was too dirty for Liv to touch and nothing would be okay again. She felt guilty for asking her to stay.

Olivia turned and motioned to the others who got to their feet without a word and walked out of the door and into the night.

'Okay,' the Abbess started reaching for Alex, 'We'll do the same as we did last time and work from the top down, finishing with your back.'

Olivia watched as Alex's skin was once again bared to her eyes and tried not to wince at the burns and cuts that had scabbed over on her chest. Alex kept her face turned away to the wall, not wanting to see the disgust she was sure must be in Olivia's eyes. The Abbess worked quickly and soon Alex's torso was covered in bandages again. It was when she moved to Alex's lower half that Olivia felt her heart drop into her stomach.

'You're bleeding!' Olivia couldn't help but shout.

Alex turned her head and with some effort propped herself up onto her elbows and stared down between her legs. The bruises were fading but still looked a disgusting yellow colour that marred her thighs while the rope burns on her ankles had gone from red to pink. 'I don't… I' She hadn't felt anything and wondered what she could have done that caused all the blood.

'When was the last time you bled?' The Abbess asked Alex gently, throwing an annoyed look at Olivia.

'I… I'm not…' Alex felt tears pool in her eyes and her throat begin to close when she realised that it was nothing more than her monthly bled. She wasn't stupid, she knew how children were made but until this moment she hadn't given one thought that she could have been pregnant. All the pain and the sleeping had mercifully driven the thought from her mind and now that the bright red blood on the bandage beneath her brought it into reality she felt herself begin to sob. She didn't know what she would have done if her bleeding had never started.

'Alex!' Olivia ignored the Abbess's hand on her shoulder holding her back and lifted the blonde into her arms. She felt her shaking and her tears soak into the front of her shirt but nothing would make her let her go. She rocked them both back and forth whispering comforts into Alex's ear as she slowly calmed down and her breathing evened out. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

Alex suddenly stiffened in her arms. For all that she knew Olivia shouldn't be touching her she couldn't help but melt into the strong arms that held her, the smell of lavender and soil still clinging to Olivia even after so long out of the forest. Her last question however had ruined the effect. She had told herself that whatever they saw, cuts and burns and lashes on her body she would never tell anyone about the worst of them all. But she had ruined it. She was weak. One little emotion and she broke sobbing all over Oliva and now they all knew! She wouldn't tell, she couldn't tell them. 'Talk about what?' she answered in a shaky voice.

'Alex…' Olivia said gently as the blonde pushed away from her arms and lay back down.

'There's nothing to talk about,' Alex said turning her face back to the wall, 'can you get me some cloth for the week please?' she asked the Abbess.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak again, to ask Alex what had happened, to tell her that it didn't matter to her, that it didn't make her any less perfect but she felt the Abbess's hand on her shoulder again and saw the older woman shake her head. If Alex wasn't ready to talk about it then she couldn't force her, she could only offer what support the blonde would accept.

They continued tending to Alex's wounds and at the end the Abbess got her to eat some mashed carrot and swede before the whole ordeal once again became too much and she fell back to sleep.

Olivia watched as the Abbess left and the others came creeping back in to go to sleep themselves and knew that she couldn't keep asking them to go along with this arrangement; that they couldn't all stay here for much longer. Her eyes met Rafael's from across the room and she knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.


	28. Forgiveness

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Alex had slept for the rest of the night not waking till late the next morning when she had expected most of the band to be gone. Her back was stinging again, itching so badly that she had to suppress the urge to scream instead of scratching but though she was still weak she felt stronger than the day before and was actually hungry. However, unlike all the other days she had been conscious, this morning nobody noticed that she was awake to bring her food. The sun from the window behind her was warm on the side of her face letting her know that it was late so she was surprised to see that everyone was still crowded inside. She watched them for a time, seeing Olivia then Rafael speak, though she was too far away to hear what was being said.

Munch seemed to be deep in thought and was nodding along to the bronze skinned man though Elliot didn't look as convinced. Of all of them Elliot and Casey were the ones that Alex was wary of the most. They hadn't trusted her from the start and hadn't really warmed to her when she had been with them in the forest. She wasn't sure, whatever Munch and Olivia said, that the two would ever truly trust her again and didn't at this moment want to cause her harm. She watched as Elliot shook his head and gestured towards Munch, talking mainly to Olivia. She had hoped that his anger might cause him to raise his voice and she would hear what they were talking about but her stomach chose that moment to announce its hunger.

Seven pairs of eyes all turned towards her and she felt her cheeks turn red as they realised she had been trying to eavesdrop. Olivia must have said that their meeting was over because she got to her feet and started walking towards her, making a pit stop half way to collect the bread and cheese that had been left for them the night before.

'Sorry I didn't realise you were awake.' Olivia said with a smile as she sat down on the dais beside her.

'Not for very long.' Alex replied hoping that Olivia would pick up on the implication that she hadn't been watching and trying to listen for long.

'Did you sleep well?' Olivia asked breaking the bread in two and handing it to her.

Alex nodded, 'well enough.' She nibbled at the brown loaf in her hand, tough and dense in her mouth, a far cry from the soft white rolls she was used to at the castle. In truth she hadn't slept well; she hadn't slept well since she had returned to her father. Her dreams more often than not were nightmares and every time they shook her awake it took her a moment to remember that she wasn't back in her rooms, waiting for the men to return.

'Good.' Olivia smiled and took a bite out the hard cheese more out of nerves than actual hunger seeing as she had brought the food just for Alex.

Alex swallowed feeling the dry bread rub at the back of her throat and wished that Olivia had thought to bring some water. She wanted to ask about the meeting they seemed to be having but her nerve failed her at the last moment. They were probably talking about her and she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know what they were saying.

Olivia saw her cough slightly and jumped to her feet, 'sorry, you must be thirsty.' She returned quickly with a flask and helped sit Alex slightly upright bringing the it to her lips. The sweet heavy smell of wine met Alex's nose and she quickly turned her head away breathing heavily. She could remember her head being forced back and the cloying liquid being poured down her throat till her head span and she struggled to breathe against the flow. She remembered it being poured over her head and into her face till the smell clung to her hair making it hang in sticky tendrils down her back. She didn't think she would ever be able to drink red wine again.

'Are you okay?' Olivia asked concerned, seeing Alex move away. The blonde breathed through her mouth for a moment closing her eyes against the onslaught of memories.

She nodded her head yes. 'I would prefer water if you have it though.'

Olivia quickly apologised and soon they were both sitting comfortably, Alex eating and drinking her breakfast. She let the silence hang for a moment as they watched the others. Munch seemed to be explaining another one of his theories to Finn, Amanda and Casey judging from the amount of gesturing he was doing and from the smiles and laughter of the others. Elliot was working out over by the doors and she watched his biceps strain as he completed yet another push up while Rafael sat slightly apart singing quietly to himself. Alex found that the melodic baritone of his voice was mesmerising and the certain notes that would develop an edge made the hairs on the back her neck stand up.

'Have you ever been to the south?' Olivia suddenly asked jolting Alex out of her haze.

'No, I've never been outside of Nottinghamshire.' she responded wondering what had brought on the question.

'Would you ever want to go?' Olivia said her eyes not betraying the answer she wanted.

'Why do you want to know?' Alex answered refusing to be baited, Olivia would just have to say what she meant.

She heard the brunet sigh and twist her mouth slightly as she thought of what to say. 'I ask,' Olivia started, 'because we might have the chance to go there. You and me.'

'I don't understand.' Alex certainly wasn't in the mood, or health, for a holiday.

'We can't stay here.' Olivia explained, 'the others would go back to the forest while the two of us would go and stay on the land of one of Rafael's friends; so you could get better.' Olivia deliberately left out the part of Rafael and Munch still not sure, even after the week's torture, exactly how Alex felt about her father.

'It's all been decided then. I'm to go no matter what.'

'No,' Olivia said exasperatedly, 'that's what we were discussing this morning. Everyone has agreed, though Elliot's not too happy as per usual, but I wanted to ask what you wanted. I won't force you do to anything.'

Alex bit her lip. She knew she didn't have much choice, that she couldn't go back home again and that she wasn't well enough to go off on her own. Olivia was her only chance but she hated the thought of the brunet being stuck wither her; stuck with the broken and stained person she had become.

Olivia saw her hesitation and imagined a completely different cause. 'You must hate me.' she said quietly bowing her head.

'What?' Olivia's statement had thrown Alex for a loop and she didn't know what to make of it.

'Alex can you forgive me?' Olivia asked, looking down into her eyes beseechingly.

'What.' Alex could hear herself becoming repetitive but couldn't help it. She didn't understand what Olivia was talking about.

'I didn't know. I swear…' Olivia looked close to tears now and the two woman had lowered their voices so the others wouldn't overhear.

'Forgive you for what?'

'For thinking the worse. For believing that you could ever betray us.'

This time it was Alex who looked away. Every time she felt as she could move past the incident at the ravine it was thrown back in her face. She could just about accept forgiveness but not them telling her she wasn't as guilty as she was. 'But I did.' she said softly.

'No you didn't!' Olivia responded her voice becoming impassioned even in a whisper, 'you held on for so long and I never…. I never helped you… I didn't…' she was finding it hard to speak through the tears she felt beginning to form. She gritted her teeth, she had promised herself she would do this without crying.

'Liv you did nothing wrong.'

'But…'

No! I won't hear it.' It was Alex now who was getting angry. She wouldn't let the best person she had ever met sit there and ask her for forgiveness, especially for something for which she had no blame. 'I won't hear you hate yourself. You did nothing wrong, you can't do anything wrong.'

Olivia shook her head, she had to destroy this perfect image that Alex was making of her. 'Alex… Alex you can't idolise me. I'm still human. I should have known as soon as I saw you on the waterfall that he'd forced you to be there.'

'How could you have known?'

Liv shrugged her shoulders. 'Because I should have trusted you. Trusted that you would never have sold us out.'

Alex went quiet for a time and lowered her eyes feeling tears pool in them at the memories. 'I didn't want to.' she said quietly.

'I know sweetheart… I know.'

'I…. I just….' She couldn't explain what was going through her head the day she gave in, even exactly why she gave and so stopped trying. She looked back up into Olivia's eyes, as warm as she remembered and full of love, and even though Munch had spoken to her and Olivia had helped her she couldn't help but once again ask, 'you don't hate me?'

'God,' Olivia went to wrap her in her arms but remembered her back and so settled for cupping the side of her face. 'Alex there is nothing to hate you for, you did nothing wrong. You're the one who should hate me.'

'But I don't'

Olivia smiled and finally let her tears fall, 'We're okay then…. Everything is going to be okay.'

Alex wanted to return her smile and almost did but she couldn't never forget what had happened. She shook her head.

'What is it, what's wrong?'

'You know….'

'Know what?' Olivia didn't understand what was standing in their way and wiped off her tears in confusion. If Alex could forgive her then she would spend the rest of her life proving why she was right to do so and the two of them could move towards healing.

Alex looked away and bit her lip. 'You know what he did.' she said in a voice so quiet and choked with tears that Olivia had to lean in to hear it. When she did she felt her heart break.

'It doesn't change anything. It wasn't your fault.'

'I'm broken' Alex sobbed, her own tears falling into Olivia's palm.

'No!' Olivia responded whispering harshly and bringing her face close to Alex's. 'No you're not. Your hurt right now but you're getting better every day.'

'I must have done something. When I was younger maybe…. I just don't understand... why… why he…' Alex was rambling, letting her thoughts, which had been plaguing her waking moments, spill from her mouth.

'Alex look at me. You did nothing to deserve this. Nothing to encourage this. You're still beautiful, still good.'

Alex didn't believe it. No father would do what he had done unless the person deserved it. She had betrayed him, hurt him, she had let someone else touch her when he had explicitly forbidden it. If Olivia wanted to believe that Alex was blameless and clean then let her. Alex knew the truth, knew how guilty and dirty she really was. She turned her head away again trying to control and stop the sobs that were now wracking her body. She was sure the others must have noticed and hated how weak she was constantly appearing in front of them.

'Maybe it would help to talk about it?' Olivia said softly, stroking the back of her head.

Alex shook her head no.

'I know its hard sweetheart but you have to try, it's only going to hurt more if you keep it locked inside.' Olivia was using her gentlest voice but Alex still kept her face turned away.

Olivia didn't say anything else after that, just let Alex slowly regain control of her body. She watched as the blonde wiped her face before rolling back over and staring at the ceiling once again. She wished that Alex would let her help her. That she could believe that somehow she had brought her father's attention on herself… Olivia felt sickened that Alex could even think it. The Sheriff was evil. He had taken a baby away from its mother and kept it locked in a cage for its whole life and the one time it had broken free and started to think for its self he had punished it in the worst way possible. She felt herself tear up again, as she always did when thinking about Alex's life, but this time kept them from falling. It wouldn't help Alex to cry now, to force her to talk about something that she wasn't ready to talk about. She hoped that over time her presence would be enough, that whatever Alex chose to tell her or not tell her, her being there after it all would show the blonde that none of it mattered to her.

They sat in silence again, listening to Rafael sing as the sun slowly lengthened their shadows upon the ground.

'Where in the south would it be?' Alex suddenly asked and Olivia smiled. When it was just the two of them, far away from it all; that was when Alex would really be able to heal.


	29. What to want

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Alex loved this time of year, a time when everything exploded into colour. The stifling heat of summer was gone replaced with cool winds and whipping rain and everyone crowded round the fires eating stews and puddings and things that warmed the stomach. She loved how it seemed as if the sun itself had settled on the trees and when it set the whole forest shinned like fire rippling in the breeze. She loved that the earth gave everything it had before slowly fading with such beauty that it made one smile to see it.

She reached up and plucked a tired brown leaf from a branch as they passed and crumpled it between her fingers. They had been travelling for around two weeks and had only now reached their destination. They could have gone faster but Olivia had wanted to take it slow for her sake and though normally Alex would have hated holding people back her body still wasn't fully recovered and so she was thankful for their speed. Munch and Rafael travelled with them because the Spaniard could not write and he wanted to make sure himself that Sir Walter would be able to accommodate them. Also it did not fit appearances to have two unaccompanied woman travelling alone.

It had been another two weeks before the Abbess had allowed Alex to travel and though the others had gone back to Nottingham as soon as the plan was agreed upon, Olivia, Munch and Rafael were left twiddling their thumbs while she regained the energy to sit up on her own. Liv had tried subtly to get her talk about what had happened again but since her last outburst Alex had sworn to herself that she was beyond it. If Olivia could forgive her then she would move past it, she couldn't spend every second thinking about it so she simply decided not to. It was over, she was over it.

Instead Munch had amused them all by either explaining another one of his theories or by making up stories and tales and some days Alex couldn't tell which was which. Olivia would enthral her with exerts from her time in the Holy land and Rafael would paint a picture of Madrid and Spain so well she felt as if she had actually visited herself. Nobody pressured her to talk and she was happy for that, she preferred to sit in silence and just listen to the others, letting the conversation wash over her; not needing to think too deeply. By the time they were ready to leave Rafael had managed to buy them four horses, though Munch complained that his looked so old it might not survive the two weeks travel.

The Abbess had given them enough clothes for their backs and to have some spare and so now Olivia and Alex were dressed in long tight fitting breeches and loose gowns, both brown in colour. Neither of them had really worn gowns before and Munch enjoyed teasing them every time they tripped or showed too much leg siting astride their horses. Olivia had given her back her sword, saved from the ravine, and she wasn't sure how she felt about having it again. On the one hand it was her most prised possession, it symbolised her greatest skill but on the other it had been made for her by him, killed people for him. She could feel it wrapped in cloth and strapped to her saddle behind her and had to fight the intermittent urge to either strap it to her hip or throw it to the road side.

The country had slowly changed around them as they had travelled further south and Alex watched as the steep hills and ravines, stone fences and sheep morphed into rolling hills and crops. They had added a few days to their travels by avoiding London but Alex didn't mind the extra time to miss the noise and movement of the city.

Sir Walter lived just outside Canterbury and it was around three o'clock that his manor finally came into view. It was a long and low built building, not in the usual style of the age. Alex guessed that it had maybe two floors with a yellowing thatched roof and brown timber frame. As they got closer she saw that the front contained a pond scattered with fallen dead leaves and there was a stable block to the left. The wind happened to be strong and cold that day and so she wasn't surprised to see that no one was about and the four of them were able to dismount there horses without much fuss.

'It's just like I remember it.' Rafael said with a smile on his face. Alex tried to mirror his excitement but she couldn't help but be nervous. This was the first time she had ever been outside of Nottinghamshire, ever really been around strangers without her armour and helmet. She didn't know how Sir Walter would react to their request, react to them, and it felt as if, even though all her scars were covered by clothes, that anyone could look at her and know immediately how damaged she was.

'Should we stable the horses ourselves?' Olivia asked looking round and crinkling her nose at the smell of damp straw. Rafael opened his mouth to answer but before he could the large wooden doors, which took up the whole height of the building, suddenly flew open.

'Barba!' an elderly man exclaimed his arms thrown wide. Alex could only assume that their approach hadn't been as unobserved as she first thought. The man walked forward, limping slightly on his right leg and pulled Rafael into a tight hug. The younger man's forehead only reached his collar bone, for though the man's shoulder length hair and beard were grey age had not stooped his height.

'Sir Walter,' Rafael replied heartily, patting him on the back before stepping away.

'You didn't tell me you were coming, I would have had someone clean.' Sir Walter had a booming voice that was loud not only in volume but in depth.

'No you wouldn't!'

'No, you're right I wouldn't. You still should have sent word though, I would have invited my friends; I love to see them green with envy.' The man was smiling, holding Rafael by the shoulders while Alex huddled together with Munch and Olivia waiting for Sir Walter to notice them. 'Tom!' Sir Walter shouted, 'Tom! Come and take their horses...' a young boy ran forward out from the shadow of the stables and quickly tried to lead all four horses away at once. 'No no, look you've got all the reins tangled.' Sir Walter sighed as Tom struggled to control the horses. 'Daniel! Stop your laughing and help for peats sake.' Alex watched amused as an older boy, though still only a boy, ran forward the smile still on his face and saved his younger companion. Sighing Sir Walter turned away and back to the four of them. 'So, who are your friends Barba, I didn't know you knew how to make any.'

Rafael laughed for a moment before gesturing to each of them in turn. 'Sir Walter may I present John Munch, Olivia Benson and Alexandra Cabot.' They had spent an evening in the Abbey trying to invent a new surname for Alex that wouldn't give away her origins or suggest anything about her life.

' _It can't be based on a profession of an ancestor, so something like Smith or Tomson is out.' Munch said scratching his head._

' _And definitely not Giffard, it can't be anything like the Sherriff's name.' Rafael added._

 _Alex nodded, 'I'm a bastard anyway; I wouldn't take his name.'_

' _What about Nun?' Munch suggested using their surroundings as inspiration._

' _No, it could lead back to here.' Olivia replied shaking her head. Alex thought she was being slightly paranoid and from the look she exchanged with Munch he did too, but neither of them spoke up._

' _Okay,' Rafael finally said after too many names had been tried and discarded, 'back to Nun, if it can't be related to a female Abbey what about a male Monastery? What about Abbot?'_

' _That's a profession.' Olivia said exasperatedly shaking her head._

' _Cabot then.' Alex spoke up. She had been largely quiet, as she usually was during their conversations, but was tired of all the back and forth arguing and just wanted to sleep. She could see that Olivia wasn't entirely happy but the two men were nodding and so she lay down in her cloak, ending the discussion. In a dusty, unused chapel she became Alex Cabot._

'It's an honour to meet you.' Sir Walter said nodding to each of them in turn. 'Come in come in, I think we can find some food here somewhere; you'll all have to tell me what brings you south.'

* * *

It wasn't much too look at their new home. A rough wattle and daub structure with a thatch roof that really needed changing and small windows. There was a corpse of trees behind it, not many, but Sir Walter had agreed they could use it for firewood and any birds were free game. They could also get their water from a small stream at the other side of the corpse. It was placed just off the road, hidden from view by holy bushes that had pricked at Olivia's skin as she pushed past them. It was about a mile from the small village and Sir Walter's manor but they had set off early and though walking had arrived before the morning dew had dried from the grass.

'Do you think we have to tend to them now?' Alex asked, throwing a worried look at Olivia.

Olivia shook her head trying to look relaxed but failing, 'no he said someone came last night, let's leave them alone for now.' Before they had even seen the house they had heard the dull buzzing, a drone that never seemed to stop. Sir Walter had informed them that the elderly man that used to live here kept bees. He use to sell their honey at the local market and for the past month, since he died, a boy from the village had been tending to them but now, to the ladies dismay, he said that the job and the house could belong to them.

They had stayed two days at the manor, recuperating after their travels, before Rafael and Munch left for the north- or the forest as Alex thought- and Olivia and Alex went to their new home. Sir Walter had been happy enough to have them as long as Rafael sang every night at dinner and Olivia realised that the Spaniard had been holding back in the chapel. He had a voice that sometimes could sound as sweet as the angels and then sometimes could have an edge or a roughness that brought it crashing back down to earth and gave all the listeners goose bumps; she would never tire of listening to him and knew now how he could be welcomed in any house. He had told Sir Walter that she and Alex were widows of the Holy War who found themselves without family and without a home. He begged the Lord's mercy and asked if Sir Walter could do anything for them, could help, for he knew he was good and Godly man. He had given them the bee keeps house.

The door was stiff against Olivia's hand and she had to use her shoulder to it to open it. Alex peered around her at the room that met their eyes. An empty cold fire pit was dug in the centre of the room, a small hole cut in the thatch above it for the smoke though Olivia doubted its efficiency for the acid smell clung to everything in the room. To the left was a wooden table and chair with a window cut in the wall that overlooked the hives, about twenty paces from the house. The bedroom, to even call it that, was simply a large straw pallet and moth eaten blanket pushed to the side of the room. There was window in this wall as well, overlooking the vegetable patch, that was at that time overgrown and full of weeds. A cloth hung from one hook on the front wall and Olivia saw another hook on the far wall and assumed the cloth could be stretched to give the sleeping area some privacy. The only other objects in the room were a cooking pot, a small tub for washing and hats with long white flowing veils for tending to the bees.

'Well,' Olivia said optimistically walking in and turning round to face Alex, 'it seems okay. Just needs a bit of cleaning.' Alex didn't reply, just ran her finger through the layer of dust coating the table and tried not to breathe the musty smell in too much.

They spent most of the day cleaning, wiping away the dust, turning over their vegetable patch and collecting fire wood. Sir Walter had given them two new blankets of wool for the coming winter and a super of bread and dried pork and it was approaching evening by the time they sat together on the pallet to eat.

'So what now?' Alex asked as Olivia chewed an especially tough piece of pork.

'Now,' she said swallowing, 'we live. We get better, we keep bees; we just live.' She turned her head to look at Alex but the blonde was staring straight ahead, holding her food in her lap. 'What's wrong?'

Alex shook her head slightly though her heavy sigh betrayed she wasn't okay. 'I've never just lived before. I don't know how to do any of it.'

Olivia smiled and Alex turned to look at her, 'Don't worry, it's not too hard, I'll teach you.' Alex stared at her happy and confident face and couldn't bring herself to voice any of her other worries. She smiled and nodded and went back to eating.

They both finished at around the same time just as the sun was setting.

'I'd better see to your back while there's still light.' Olivia said, moving to reach for her pack and the bandages the Abbess had packed for them. Alex didn't say anything just pushed the dress off her shoulders till it hung round her hips and lay face down on the pallet. Her other injuries had healed well and scars were the only things left of them but her back was proving more stubborn. Olivia moved to her side and peeled off the bandage and padding. The lashes had scabbed over about a week ago but the Abbess had told her to keep applying the bandages to stop them from ripping off. She worked quickly and tried not to see the pale skin beneath the marks or the shape of Alex's ribs under her palms. She knew that Alex hated having to undress like this and she hated how she felt like she was taking advantage of the situation in having to make her. Her mind drew her back to the forest that night when she had seen Alex's chest for the first time and how beautiful and perfect it was and even then how shy and in pain she had been. Olivia sat back on her heels and rubbed her palm down the bandage trying to show with one touch just how much the blonde meant to her, how beautiful she still was to her. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to an untouched and unmarred piece of Alex's shoulder, the skin cold against her lips. She felt Alex stiffen beneath her.

There was a moment of quiet were Olivia held her breath, waiting for Alex to relax again. She didn't. 'Please don't do that.' Alex said in a clipped tense voice.

'I'm sorry,' Olivia said moving away her cheeks burning with shame, 'I didn't mean to upset you.'

Alex sat up and pulled her dress back in place before pulling the blanket over herself and lying down on one side of the pallet, missing the remorseful look Olivia gave her. She heard Olivia stand up and waited for her to lay down beside her but after some shuffling opened her eyes to see that the older woman had lain down on the dirt floor beside the table; as far away from her as she could get.

Alex felt tears sting in the back of her eyes and rapidly blinked them away. She hadn't meant for Olivia to move away she just didn't know what they were anymore, didn't know what the brunet wanted or if she wanted what Alex thought she wanted, if she could ever give it to her. Neither of them had spoken about the kiss they had shared before Alex had left. They had spoken of forgiveness yes but not of love and Alex wasn't sure what she wanted them to be anymore; if she even deserved love anymore. Before, everything had been about getting better, about coming south and finding somewhere to live; but now they'd done that everything felt flat. She was here with Olivia, safe and almost physically whole again but lying down to sleep that night she just felt empty. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be anything with Olivia, wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the south, wasn't sure if she even wanted to be.

 **A/N: So I plan to stay with just Olivia and Alex for a few chapters simply focusing on them and their relationship instead of major plot stuff; if people don't want that then speak now.**

 **Also regarding the next few chapters, I want to get the pacing right so if anyone had had comments regarding that they would be appreciated.**


	30. We'll figure it out together

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

They had been at the house, a generous term Alex thought, for around a week and apart from a trip to the market by Olivia on the second day they had kept largely to themselves. Alex's wounds had healed to the point that they no longer needed bandages or tending and it was down to time to turn the angry red marks white. They had spent the time turning what was a sorry, and leaking room in to a place that wasn't only fit for habitation but was actually an appealing place to stay. Sir Walter had gifted them some money, not a lot but enough, and with it Olivia had brought what they needed in the nearby village. She fixed the thatch on the roof and together with Alex had woven guards from reeds they had found down by the stream to stop the wind whistling through the windows. They planted what they could in the soil, although it was late in the year, and brought what they could not grow themselves and collected a pile of firewood which they kept under the table. Their final act had been to dig a hole in the ground against the far wall inside the house and bury Olivia's bow and Alex's sword. They were the two most valuable things they owned and they couldn't risk leaving them in plain sight or carrying them with them. Alex had wrapped her hand around the falcon hilt one last time before laying it gently in the dirt.

Most of the time Alex felt like a spare part. The manual labour she could help with, although her strength still wasn't back to normal, and she happily carried fallen branches and turned the soil in their vegetable patch but anything that required skill only Olivia could do. She watched as the older woman cooked all their meals and tried to copy her weaving technique when it came to the windows but was acutely aware that in the basic day to day living her castle lifestyle of servants and cooks was plainly visible. For this reason she took it upon herself to care for the bees.

On the second day the two women had stood at a far distance from the hives, neither one of them wanting to get any closer. A young boy, around eleven perhaps had arrived at dawn and Alex had made him sit down and tell her everything there was to know, everything she had to do. Winter was quiet, the time when the hives needed to be repaired and tended to and the bees that were left largely lay dormant. It wasn't until summer that she would able to harvest any honey. Sitting there listening and inspecting the hives it was the first time that Alex saw Olivia look less than confident. Apparently a bad experience with a swarm when she was younger had given her a fear of anything that was smaller than a bird and could fly; she confessed that she didn't want to go near the buzzing things and Alex, happy that for once she had the upper hand, volunteered to do it all.

It wasn't until midway through second week, however, that Alex realised Olivia really wasn't kidding when it came to hating their new found profession.

'Alex!' Alex looked up from where she was sitting at the table cutting a potato for their evening meal as Olivia came barging through the door with a panicked cry.

'What?'

'It fucking stung me! It stung me!' Olivia all but shouted, panting hard.

Alex couldn't help it when her mouth started to smile and though she brought her hand up to her face Olivia still saw. 'It's not funny Alex it fucking hurts. I told you those things have it out for me, I barely even went near the dam hives.'

'The bees from Sherwood came all this way to tell the Canterbury bees that you're not to be trusted because you accidently knocked a hive out of a tree when you were twelve?' Alex wasn't trying to hide her smile now as she got up and walked over to the distressed woman.

'They can fly, it's not such a long way for them.' Olivia shook her head annoyed she had been baited into the conversation. 'Just get the sting out please.' She said turning her back and pulling her dress down to her waist.

Alex paused for a moment surprised that Olivia had somehow managed to get stung on the lower part of her shoulder blade; although thinking about it the dresses weren't particularly thick.

'See cowards the lot of them, to attack someone's back.' Olivia said sounding like a petulant child.

'If only the world could see you now,' Alex replied with a smile as she used her nail to squeeze the black sting out of Olivia's back, 'the great Olivia Benson, felled by a simple bee sting.'

'I'm allergic.'

'You're not allergic.' Alex answered, laughing at Olivia's tone and the whole bizarre situation. 'Wait there, Michael gave me something that will help with the swelling.'

'Michael?'

'The boy who came last week remember.' Olivia grunted in response. Alex stepped round her shaking her head fondly and back to the table where she kept the lavender oil that Michael had given her for when she invariably got stung. Her smile faltered and then fell from her face when she turned back round to face Olivia.

With one hand Olivia was holding up her dress, bunched at her waist, but the other was hanging loose at her side. She had made no move to cover her breasts and Alex found herself struck dumb for a moment at the sight. She quickly ducked her head and walked back round to Olivia's back, her cheeks flushed red and an uncomfortable heat pooling in her stomach. She remembered the last time she had seem the brunet's chest and realised that her memory hadn't done them justice. The light spilling through the window over the table showed more than the night in the forest ever could and she truly believed that the light brown skin, paler than her face darkened by the sun, was the most beautiful colour she had ever seen. Her hand was shaking at she poured the oil over her fingers.

'What is it?' Olivia asked, seemingly unaware of Alex's response. Though they had lived together in close quarters Olivia had been careful since her first unwanted kiss to make Alex as comfortable as possible. They dressed and washed with their backs to each other and Olivia still slept on the other side of the room. She believed that Alex thought this hid her nightmares but Olivia still woke to the sound of heavy breathing and the sight of dark circles under the blonde's eyes. In her pain and annoyance over the bee sting she forgot to be so careful.

'Errm,' Alex replied trying to regain control over her thoughts, 'it's lavender oil.' She quickly rubbed the skin on Olivia's back, hoping that the sooner she was done the sooner the heat would leave her body. She tried not feel how soft Olivia was. 'There done.' She said stepping away and walking back to the table with her head down. Olivia slowly brought her dress back over her shoulders, becoming aware that something had shaken the blonde but being as comfortable as she was with nudity not being aware of what it could be.

'Thanks. I'll errrm get some more firewood.'

Alex only nodded and kept her head down cutting the potato into smaller and smaller chunks until Olivia was out of sight. She had thought that she was broken; that she would never want anyone that way again but her response to even the slightest show of skin from Olivia proved her wrong. Her hand had felt burned she touched her back and she had had to step away quickly lest the desire to reach round and brush her fingers against the breasts she couldn't get out of head became too much. She remembered what it felt like to hold them in her hands, to feel the dark nipples harden under her palms and she shifted her thighs uncomfortably under the table as tears pooled in her eyes. She sat there breathing hard, her body fighting two conflicting emotions. One the one hand the heat she felt in her cheeks and the pulse between her legs proved that what her father had done hadn't cured her and a small part of her hoped it would. But on the other hand she was fighting tears because she knew that whatever she had wanted to start with Olivia she would never have been able to finish. Olivia deserved someone better than her, someone who was beautiful and not covered in scars and damaged beyond repair. She tipped her head back and ran her thumb over the cool bone handle of the knife in her hand. She had to know what Olivia saw in her; why the older woman had come all this way just for her.

* * *

The sun had set by the time they had eaten and Alex was sitting on their pallet with her back against the wall while Olivia sat by the fire using it's light to make a fishing rod out of some wire and a stick. Alex watched her struggle and curse as she stuck her finger with the hook, bringing the cut up to her lips to wipe away the blood. 'Liv.' Alex called before she lost her nerve. The brunet didn't look up just answered with an mmmmm. 'I wanted to ask you something.' Something in the tone of Alex's voice made Olivia look up this time and putting down her makeshift rod she came and sat beside the blonde.

'Why have you done all this for me?'

'Because it's the right thing to do.' Olivia replied without thinking.

'That's not an answer.' Liv turned her head and saw how set Alex's jaw was, how the simple, would not be enough this time.

She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. She had asked herself the same question back when they were in the Abbey and though yes, it was the right thing to do, she had to admit to herself that her motives were more complicated than that. 'I care about you.' She said turning her face back to Alex.

'That's still not an answer.'

'Of course it is.'

'No, it's bullshit. _Why_ do you care? I've done nothing to warrant your care. You know nothing about me except what's happened and if you're here out of pity Olivia I want you leave right now because I won't be anyone's charity case.'

Olivia saw that Alex was on the verge of tears and without thinking she took her hand and held it, the skin blistered from working in the cold without gloves for the first time. 'It's not pity Alex,' she started deciding that she owed the other woman a full explanation of what was going on in her head. 'I'm in awe of you.'

Alex pulled her face away from how close they were, her shock evident. For all that she had been expecting Olivia to say it hadn't been that.

'In this life, people don't get choice. You're born into your village and you die in your village. I count myself as lucky that I got to go to the Holy land, and I know that if it wasn't for that I would simply be some peasant somewhere with a brood of children and a husband who loved drink too much. So very few people get to decide what they want to do, who they want to be. Between the land and your parents and God nobody really gets a choice.' She was rubbing her thumb over the back of Alex's hand staring at the contrast between their bronze and white skin. 'You didn't get the Holy land. You didn't get any choice and your life was even more constricting that anyone. And yet,' she looked up as her voice grew stronger and met Alex's eyes, 'And yet, you still chose to be better than your life. You could have so easily given up yet you came to find us, you came to be better!'

'I want to give up.' Alex felt as if her throat was trying to close and she was fighting tears. Olivia's honest and candid words inspired her own honesty. She had lost count of the number of times she had woken in the night, scared and alone and trembling and just wanted to make it all stop. How easy it would be to fall on her sword and end a life that probably should never have started.

Olivia felt as if a vice had closed around her chest and she marvelled that emotional pain could be felt so physically. She slowly brought her hand up, so as to not scare Alex, and ran the tips of fingers along her jaw. 'I know,' she said softly, 'I know sweetheart. But there's so much to keep fighting for.'

Alex gave a short harsh laugh, 'like what?'

'Me.' Olivia replied quietly but firmly.

'I….. I can't….I' Alex couldn't get her words out and she felt her breathing beginning to quicken at the thought of Olivia's implication.

'Shhhhh, Alex, Alex, breathe with me, breathe come on…' together they slowly breathed in and out till Alex's panic had abated. 'What are you scared of?'

Alex lost her fight against her tears and they rolled slowly down her cheeks, 'I can't want you.'

Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat. For all the pain of their conversation she couldn't help but feel a spark of joy at the thought of Alex still desiring her, even if she did not want to. She remembered how it felt to realise that she wasn't attracted to men as everyone else said she should be. How all the soldiers in the Holy land had not compared to one night with the Spanish barmaid on her way home. She would never shout it out for own safety but neither would she apologise for those she chose to love. 'Why not?' she asked.

'I'm already a bad person. I have to be or he wouldn't…' Alex found that she couldn't look at Olivia as spoke, 'one father hates me; I can't give God another reason to as well.'

'Oh Alex…. It wasn't your fault. Look at me…' Alex still had her face turned away so Olivia used her hand to turn her jaw but even then Alex wouldn't meet her eyes. 'Alex what he did; you did not deserve that, you did nothing. Please. Please believe me.' She tried to put as much truth as she could into her words but still felt as if they didn't really reach the blonde and in the end had to move on. 'God doesn't hate you.' She finished softly.

'If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.' Alex replied her voice flat and monotone as she repeated something that has obviously be drilled into her head.

'Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.' Olivia replied calmly as a shocked Alex finally met her gaze. 'I lived with Munch for a long time and had my own battle with God Alex. He made me this way and I don't believe he makes mistakes. My God is a God of love and he rejoices in it in any form.

They were silent for a time as Olivia's word sunk in and Alex's tears had dried before she said quietly, 'I can't….' She swallowed audibly and tried again, 'I can't….' she frowned and Olivia taking pity guessed at what she was trying to say.

'I would never force you to do anything. If I have to spend my whole life on the other side of the room that would okay Alex. If you don't want to, you don't want to. But it has to be because of you. Not because you don't think you deserve it or because someone's told you you're not beautiful but because you just don't want to.

'But…. The scars…'

'Only make you more beautiful. They show how strong you are Alex, how your body keeps fighting to live and keep going.' She brought her hand up to cup the side of Alex's face her thumb never stopping rubbing circles on the back of Alex's hand, 'you're the most stunning person I've ever met.'

Alex didn't reply, just blushed red and stared into Olivia's eyes. She didn't recognise the God Olivia spoke of, he wasn't the God the priest spoke about on Sunday or the God her father had told her about. She couldn't really believe that Olivia's God could ever exist but even so she felt her eyes drop to Olivia's lips and couldn't help her body leaning forward. Olivia had told her that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do, that there would be no pressure and suddenly Alex felt the need to test it, to test herself.

Olivia held her breath as she more felt than saw Alex lean forward. She kept her eyes on the grey irises that moved slowly closer even though Alex was looking at her lips and not at her and when she felt the blonde's warm breath on her face she couldn't help but part her mouth slightly.

Unlike the kiss in the forest this had no passion. If a kiss could be described as careful then this one would be. Olivia let Alex take the lead and fear and inexperience made it slow, their tongues remaining firmly in their own mouths. Olivia prayed that one day she would kiss Alex and not taste the salt of her tears on the other woman's lips and after a short time Alex moved away and Olivia could only smiled gently at the nervous expression she saw.

'I don't know what I want Liv,' Alex said, her voice quiet as the fire cracked and spitted.

Olivia nodded slightly and touched her forehead lightly to Alex's before pulling away and holding her eyes. She didn't know that anyone could love someone this much, especially after such a short amount of time but she would do anything for the blonde, be anything she needed her to be. 'Then I'll be here,' she said, 'and together we can figure it out.'


	31. The boy

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Alex laughed as she watched Olivia strain and struggle against the line, a trout fighting hard at the other end.

'I don't know why you're laughing,' Olivia said over her shoulder as the trout invariably won the battle and she pulled her line back in, 'if I don't catch anything its turnip mash again for dinner.'

Alex smiled and shook her head at Olivia's antics. For all the woman had claimed to be the best at living off the land she really couldn't get the hang of fishing. It was an unseasonably warm day with very little breeze and Alex lay back against the bank, grass ticking her neck, and luxuriated in the heat. They had followed the stream that morning till it widened into the river and Olivia had waded out straight away to begin trying to catch their supper.

Since their conversation a few weeks ago life had become easier for the both of them. They felt no need to hide their attraction even if they didn't act on it beyond shy careful kisses always initiated by Alex and Olivia had moved from the space by the table to sleep beside her on the pallet.

Olivia's presence didn't exactly stop the nightmares but it did help. In the pitch black there was no need for pride, no need to try and pretend that things were okay. When she woke up, drenched in sweat and shaking, sometimes from things she couldn't even remember Olivia would wake with her and pull her into her arms. She would rock her till they both drifted back to sleep or until the weak light of dawn filtered into the house. Though Alex could see that there were dark circles under Olivia's eyes the older woman never complained; never made Alex feel bad for needing comfort or pressured her to talk. The night that Alex finally did speak, she did so because the weight of her silence was too much, the pain of it was too much to bear by herself. She spoke not to make Olivia happy but because in that moment it was as if there was no other choice.

'He was only a boy.'

Olivia was happy for the dark and for the fact that Alex's face was pressed into her shoulder for the small words that broke the silence shocked her. She had been hoping that one day Alex would talk to her, would ease the burden on her shoulders but it had been so long now she had almost given up hope of the possibility. 'Who was sweetheart?' she said not changing their position and matching Alex's whisper.

It was silent for so long that she thought Alex must have lost her nerves and her shoulder grew wet from tears but just as she was about to speak again Alex spoke up; 'the first person I killed.' She said in a small voice, muffled in Olivia's neck.

'Why are you thinking about him?' she answered carefully trying not to push Alex too hard.

'My father was….my father was there and I was screaming. I don't know why, I never screamed after the first time.' Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn't been able to get Alex to even admit outright that anything had happened so to find out that it was more than once was heart-breaking. However she couldn't think about it too much for as if the dam had been broken Alex was talking steadily and she had to concentrate to catch every word.

'Suddenly there was this boy and I was screaming at him to help me, to do something. I thought I knew him but I just couldn't remember where and I kept screaming cause it really hurt and I couldn't understand why he was just standing there, smiling!' she had gotten more animated as she spoke and Olivia was now having to make sense of words distorted by sobs. She rubbed her hand along her back trying to offer what comfort she could while not interrupting.

'Then it was over and I was just lying there waiting, I don't know what for and suddenly he was on top of me and I didn't understand; I was confused. I was fighting him and I could feel him…. I know it was a dream but I swear I could feel him and I asked him why he was doing this and he opened his mouth but it was just full of blood and it was dripping onto my face and I couldn't move and I was screaming and I got blood in my eyes and my mouth and….'

'Shhhhhhh stop, it's okay, it's okay…' as she had spoken Alex had gotten louder and louder till she had wrenched herself out of Olivia's arms and was trying to wipe away the imaginary blood from her face. Olivia was quick to catch her arms and pull her back into her embrace as the tears took over and Alex found herself crying so hard her whole body shook.

It took a long time but the tears finally stopped and Olivia was quick to speak, hoping to take advantage of Alex's talkative mood. 'What happened with the boy Lex?'

Alex looked up into Olivia's face and seeing only love and concern decided that perhaps now was the time to speak. She felt better after having cried, like she had been cleansed and through the window she could see the first rays of dawn upon the horizon. She lifted herself and leant back against the wall, Olivia quick to mirror her, and sighed before starting the story.

'I was fifteen and it was only maybe the third time I'd ever been out of the castle. Father had sent me and some men to collect rent from a village nearby. Everything was going fine until we got to the last house and the woman couldn't pay. She had more children than I could count and apparently their father had died the month before and that was why she was short.

I didn't know what to do, father had told me to get the money whatever the cost but if she didn't have it she didn't have it. I motioned for the sergeant to search the house and that was when the boy came and stood in the doorway. He was maybe thirteen and he wouldn't let the soldier's past, so I motioned for them to move him; I just wanted him to move you know. He came running out wielding a kitchen knife straight for me. I didn't mean to kill him I just raised my hand out of reflex and he ran onto my sword. He started choking and his mother was screaming and there was blood all over his chin and he took so long to die; I remember being surprised by how long it took.

Everyone just looked at me, in complete shock and if it wasn't for my helmet they would have seen how shocked I was as well. Anyway they searched the house and found some money she had been hiding and I took it back to my father. I remember being so angry. Her son didn't need to die, she had the money; she had no right to hide it!

The next year I went back and umm' Alex felt her throat close and she had to fight tears again, surprised that she had any left, 'she had maybe half the amount of children. I had taken her money for food so when winter came she couldn't feed all of them and the weaker ones died. I collected her rent and I've never seen someone look so angry; if she could have killed me then she would have.

So I mean I killed his family and killed him so it makes sense he would want to hurt me. I deserved it.'

Olivia had kept silent during Alex's story. She had been told about the killing. About how the evil Black Cloak had come and killed a boy in cold blood without batting an eye but to hear Alex tell it she knew she was getting the truth. She hadn't really known what to say in response, how to make her feel better but after her last comment, after saying she deserved it Olivia felt the anger that was always in the bottom of her gut come raging to the surface. She turned her whole body to face Alex and spoke in a voice so sincere and passionate that the blonde couldn't help but be moved by it.

'You did not deserve what happened. I don't care what you did, you did not deserve to be punished. Alex what would have happened if you hadn't come home with the money?'

'I don't know.'

'Did you ever come home empty handed before?'

'Once.' Alex couldn't see where Olivia was going with this. It was one time.

'What happened then?'

'He beat me,' she said lowering her head, 'and told me that we didn't have the money for food because I hadn't gotten it.'

Olivia pushed down her response to Alex's answer and instead focused on the point she was trying to get her to see. 'You had no choice but to collect the rent. You did not kill those children, he did! What happened to the boy, it was an accident; you said it yourself. None of what happened was down to you. You are not to blame for any of it; please Alex believe me in that.'

Alex kept her eyes on her lap and let Olivia's words wash over her. She was in no doubt that the older woman believed what she was saying but whether that made it the truth was a whole other matter. Although the feeling was lessened she couldn't quite shake the guilt she felt and decided that she had had enough of this conversation.

'Sun's up, time for food.' She said with a forced cheerfulness.

Olivia watched as she rolled off the pallet and began pulling on her dress. She felt a flash of disappointment that Alex had obviously decided the conversation was over but knew by now never to push. Groaning in the cold light she pulled on her own clothes and with a small word walked over to the stream to collect their day's water. The dew was cold against her bare feet, the only habit she kept from the forest, and the bucket swung at her side. It was a beautiful morning, and she thought perhaps a day for fishing, but in that moment it felt as if the sun couldn't not reach her, the bird's song could not filter through the leaves. She sat on the bank and finally let herself cry. Let herself feel all the pain she held inside for Alex's sake. Things were getting better she knew that, but when someone has just told you they dreamt of their father's rape it is hard to be optimistic and she prayed that this morning was a sign of better things to come.

* * *

Olivia had failed to catch any fish, but even the thought of turnip mash was not enough to dampen Alex's spirits. She had spent the most relaxing day just lying in the grass and after her confession this morning her soul itself had been lightened. She had told Olivia about one of the worst things she had done and the other woman was not only still here but still somehow loved her. It was as if with each confession she was pushing Olivia that little bit further, waiting for her to run. She was constantly being surprised when Olivia didn't.

They were walking back to the house after their unsuccessful trip and Alex was trying not to laugh the whole way. After failing again to reel in the trout Olivia had for some reason tried running after it in a fit on frustration that ended in her falling face first into the water. The now sodden and dripping woman was sulking at her side.

'You'll do better next time Liv.' Alex said in an attempt at comfort. Olivia only grunted in response. Entering the house Alex was quick to start on the fire, turning round to ask Olivia if she wanted to eat now or later. The sight that met her eyes drove all thought of food from her head.

Olivia had pulled the dress over her head and was standing there, bathed only in the light of the setting sun. Though they had stopped tiptoeing around each other they still retained some modesty and Alex felt her mouth grow dry at the expanse of bronze skin in front of her. Suddenly the nightmare of the night before seemed eons ago and the desire to reach out and touch and kiss the body in front of her became overwhelming. She knew that Olivia would never start anything, wouldn't want to scare her so if she wanted this to happen, she would have to act herself.

Pushing down her nerves she moved closer to Olivia who jumped slightly at the hand on her shoulder. She turned to ask what the problem was but seeing the expression on Alex's face the words died in her mouth. Alex watched as the older woman's eyes changed from the warm brown she loved so much to a darkness that reflected the flames as her desire quickly caught up to hers.

She took her hand and without a word moved over to the pallet, pulling the makeshift curtain across as she went. They lay on their sides facing each other, not moving just staring at each other's faces, trying to memorise every line. Alex slowly brought her hand up and with just the tips of fingers traced Olivia's jaw lightly, then barely even touching, over her lips. To Olivia the slight touch felt like a shock, a burning trail branded into her skin. Her eyes closed of their own accord and when she felt Alex's nails over her lips she couldn't help but open her mouth. She kept her eyes closed so as to not break whatever spell they seemed to under, praying that Alex would kiss her.

She couldn't help but moan when she felt lips pressed against hers and she had to use every last bit of the mental thought she had left to not react against them. She let Alex take the lead as she always did, surprised when she felt the tip of tongue tease her lower lip.

'Liv, please kiss me.'

She opened her eyes at the sound of Alex's plea. Up close she always marvelled at how much blue there was hiding in the grey of Alex's eyes but this time the irises were almost lost in how large the pupils were. She didn't want to scare Alex, didn't want to pressure her into doing anything but perhaps, she thought, she was holding back too much. If it was what Alex wanted then she was happy to oblige.

Moving forward slightly she pressed the length of their bodies together, feeling the coarse material of Alex's dress against her skin, never taking her eyes of Alex's, and slowly brought her lips down to meet hers. It started slow, their lips moving in sync, fitting perfectly together but the heat only grew. Alex brought one hand to Olivia's hip and pulled their bodies even closer as their tongues explored each other's mouths, fighting to gain the upper hand. She wrapped her hand in Olivia's hair, the brown locks smooth and soft.

The kiss in the forest had been quick and passionate, their kisses this past month had been slow and careful and Alex didn't realise just what she was missing out on. It felt as if her whole body was on fire, that she was connected to Olivia not only through their mouths but their whole bodies. She heard Olivia moan into her mouth as their hardened nipples brushed together and she had to stop kissing her lips and move to trailing kisses down her jaw just to get her breath back. She didn't know how far she wanted this to go, how far she could go, but what she did know was that she didn't want it to stop. She rolled Olivia onto her back and any complaints from Olivia were long. Alex raised herself onto her elbows, her tongue once again in Olivia's mouth and quickly straddled the older woman's hips. She kissed down Olivia's jaw and along her collar bone and neck, pausing at particular spots whenever she felt Olivia moan and arch against her. Her right hand was still wrapped around Olivia's hair but her left moved to cup her breast, the dusky nipple the hardest she'd ever felt it.

Olivia for her part was trying to remain as passive as she could. She wanted nothing more than to use her hands on Alex's hips to flip them over and spend all night working over the blonde's body till she couldn't remember her own name; but knew that she couldn't. She had to let Alex take control, had to let her dictate the pace. However, she couldn't help but arch her back when she felt wet lips trail down her chest and fingers pulling gently at her nipples that were almost painful they were so hard. She had never cum form someone simple touching her chest before but from the ache and pulse between her legs and the tightness that was building in her stomach she knew she was close.

'Alex, ahhhh fuck….. Al' Alex smiled when she heard the moans that were coming from Olivia, sometimes words sometimes just garbled sounds as she squirmed beneath her. She had moved from her neck and was now placing light kisses on the tops of her breasts. She wanted Liv to feel good, she wanted to be good. She had heard all the crude talk of the soldiers growing up, of the serving girls and knew that some people were better at this than others and felt herself becoming flustered at the thought. She didn't know what was good, what people did, let alone what two women did.

'Alex.' Olivia had felt the blonde pause above her and was worried that they had gone too far, gotten too caught up in the moment.

Alex wanted to take on of the nipples under her palm in her mouth but didn't know if that was a good thing to do. She remembered how he had done the same to her, sucked and bitten at her chest till she bled and how horrible it felt and was suddenly second guessing herself. She didn't want to hurt Olivia, she…

'Alex,' Olivia said a little more sharply, her senses slowly coming back to her, the thudding between her legs growing fainter, 'Alex talk to me sweetheart.' Alex didn't answer just suddenly tried to pull away and get up but Olivia was having none of it. 'No!' she pulled Alex back down against her. 'Don't run, talk to me, the worst thing you can do right now is run.' She waited holding the stiff and unresponsive blonde against her chest, trying to think of what she might have done to have caused it. It was only when she felt the warmth of tears against her breast that Alex began talking.

'I wanted to do it right.' She said so quietly that Liv had to strain to hear, 'I wanted you to feel good, but I didn't know what to do. I remembered what he did and I didn't like it, I didn't want to hurt you, I….'

'Shhhhh,' Olivia said lighting rocking the body in her arms realising the flash back that must have happened, 'Alex with me you can't ever do it wrong, so don't worry about that and sweetheart I was feeling good, I promise I was feeling really good.'

'And now I've ruined it.'

'No! It was amazing, you're amazing, you could never ruin anything.' She paused wondering if she could get Alex to talk a little more but not wanting to upset her further. 'What did he do that you didn't like?' she asked gently.

Alex was silent for so long that Olivia thought she wasn't going to answer but then she heard a small voice 'he errm, he would use his mouth to suck at me then bite my… my nipples when they got hard. He kept saying it must feel so good, that all women like that but I didn't like it…. I didn't.'

Olivia hugged her closer, 'oh sweetheart. I'm sorry.'

'Was he lying?'

Olivia had sworn to herself that she was always going to be honest with her, 'It does feel good,' she said, 'to use your mouth, but not like he did, never that hard, never till it hurts.'

'You like it then?' Alex said raising her head and staring down into Olivia's face, tear tracks wet against her cheeks; she felt as if all she did was cry.

'Yeah I do.' Olivia said nodding. Alex lay her head back down and they just held each other in comfortable silence for a time, before Olivia posed an idea that had been running round her head for a while. 'Alex, you said you don't know what feels good… and I'm not saying that's a bad thing but… maybe it would be good for you to see what to do; so that way you won't have to think in the moment and bad memories might not come up.' She held her breath waiting for the answer.

'What do you mean see what to do?'

'Well, maybe sometime soon, and you know you can trust me, I can show you. You don't have to do anything just let me love you, let me make you feel good every way I know how and afterwards you can do what you feel comfortable with to me.'

Alex thought about what Liv was proposing. The idea of giving up control like that, letting someone, even if it was Liv, have complete access to her body…. It was too much. She wouldn't to do it, she'd freak out like now and embarrass them both again. 'I….'

'You don't have to answer now; don't say no now,' Liv said before Alex could answer, 'just think about it and know that the idea is out there.'

Alex nodded against Liv's chest and soon after she undressed for bed and they curled up against each other. Alex couldn't stop thinking about what Liv wanted to do. She thought about being naked under the brunet, about her hands moving all over her body, down her breasts, between her legs and felt the tell-tale heat settle low in her stomach. Perhaps the idea wasn't as bad as she first thought.


	32. A Bath in Winter

**I had another chapter planed (ish) but after BK's review I was too stoked to write this so if you don't like it... blame them :D jokes aside love getting ideas in reviews, can't promise to do all of them, especially major plot functions, but they are inspiring.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia was used to living a hard life. Used to living outdoors in the freezing winter of England with barely enough food to get by. She'd done it all before and to be honest the bee keeper's house was a luxury compared to some of the places she had stayed.

Alex on the other hand was not. This was the first winter she was spending without the protection of stone walls and rugs. Without the plentiful food from a castle kitchen and furs to sleep under. She never complained; not when they had little to eat; not when the shivering was so bad at night neither one of them could sleep; not even when they had to break the ice on their water before they could wash.

If Olivia was a crueller or even just a bitterer person she would have been happy that the blonde princess was finally learning how the majority lived. However, Olivia wasn't a bitter person. She knew that all the physical hardship would not teach Alex more about the suffering of the serfs than her own life had already taught her. If anyone thought that Alex was a princess they would be sorely mistaken.

Olivia wished she could put more food on the table but apart from what she could catch they had to ration their supplies. As for the weather she had no control over that and so sleepless nights would keep happening whether she wished them away or not. The ice, however, she thought she might have a solution, if only a temporary one.

* * *

'What is that?' Alex came walking through the door one night carrying two buckets of water over her shoulders to see Olivia crouched in the middle of the room over a long metal tub.

'Oh you're back.' Olivia said turning round, 'it's a bath tub. I don't know about you but I'm getting sick of ice cold sponge baths so….' She knelt on the ground with her arms thrown wide a grin splitting her face.

'For real?' Alex asked still looking dubious.

'We're going to need a lot more water and it won't be really warm because it's going to take a while to fill and I've got to get it and the pots back by next Monday, plus we now owe Mrs Smith three jars of honey,' Olivia reeled off, 'but apart from that, yeah for real; I've got soap and everything.'

Olivia's grin and enthusiasm were contagious and soon they had a roaring fire going and a three-quarter full bathtub. Olivia stuck another pot of water on the fire before standing up and announcing it was ready.

Olivia had warmer baths but at this moment she wouldn't have swapped the hottest water for what she had. They undressed in silence. Olivia wasn't the least bit embarrassed but Alex, even after they had seen each other naked on numerous occasions still blushed red every time she was without her dress. Not wanting to draw attention to the blonde's discomfort Olivia turned quickly and stepped into the water, stretching out her legs and sighing as the warmth embraced her. She turned her head to see that Alex hadn't moved from the side of the tub, her hands clenched at her sides to stop them from covering her body. No matter how many times Olivia had seen her she truly believed she would never get over how beautiful she was. There were scars of course, but instead of detracting from her beauty Olivia thought they only added to it. A testament to how much she had survived, how strong she was.

'You'll get cold standing there like that.' she said with a smile. Alex smiled back but made no move to climb into the bath. 'Do you want me to move my legs?'

'No.' Alex said quickly suddenly moving and stepping into the water so that Olivia had to open her legs to not be stood on.

It had been almost two months since she had suggested her idea and though Alex had never exactly said yes they had been slowly moving forward. Olivia learnt that Alex's problem was over thinking, was getting ahead of where she was. So they could be kissing and Alex would panic because she would imagine taking her dress off; or they could be touching each other's breasts and Alex would panic thinking about moving her hands lower. They agreed one night that the problem wasn't what they were doing but the expectation that such acts came with and the fear that such expectations couldn't be met.

After a number of panic attacks and tears it wasn't Alex who withdrew but Olivia. She couldn't stand the thought that she was hurting her, pressuring Alex into doing something she wasn't ready for however much she said she wanted it, and so Olivia decided to stop. They would wait, she decided, wait until Alex was better.

' _Lex I'm not saying that.'_

' _You're tired of me.'_

' _No!' Olivia said walking over and getting to her knees in front of Alex, where she sat at the table. She couldn't stand to see the pained hurt look on her face. 'I'll never be tired of you.'_

' _But you don't want to….be intimate.'_

' _I don't want to hurt you.'_

' _You're not hurting me.'_

' _The crying and shaking say otherwise Lex.'_

' _I….' Alex was frustrated, she didn't know how to tell Olivia that the risk was worth it. That all the flash backs, memories, were worth it just to hold her in her arms, just to be held. 'I'm not broken.' she said in a firm voice._

' _I know that,' Olivia answered not meeting her eyes, 'I just think we should wait a bit longer that's all; that we've been moving too fast.'_

' _Olivia look at me.' Olivia raised her eyes at Alex's stern tone, 'I am not suddenly going to get better. There is not going to be a good time to do this, I'm never going to be perfect and if that's what you want then there's no point you being here.' Alex had tears in her eyes._

' _Lex, can't you see that you're already perfect to me. I just can't stand to hurt you, to feel like I'm hurting you.'_

' _But that's my decision to make.'_

 _Olivia leaned back and looked away, her own tears now pooled in her eyes and Alex suddenly got it. She was so caught up in her own pain, her own struggle to achieve normalcy that she hadn't given one thought as to how it was all affecting Olivia. In struggling to tell the difference between her father's hands and Olivia's, between memories and reality, rape and love she was inadvertently making Olivia feel like a rapist. Whenever she pulled away Olivia was left wondering what she had done that was too close to a rapist's acts._

' _Liv I'm so sorry.' Alex said in a broken voice, unable to stop her tears from falling. 'You're nothing like him.'_

' _I know that,' Olivia replied meeting Alex's eyes again, 'I would never hurt you…. but I am hurting you.'_

' _It's not you, it's never you.'_

' _But it feels like it,' Olivia said shrugging dejectedly, ending their conversation._

After that they had been almost shy with each other. Barely talking and touching only when necessary. It was a week later, at night in bed, that Olivia had felt Alex press her body against her back. They had spent the night pressed together, hip to hip, their tongues and teeth roaming each other's lips and jaws. It was after that that Olivia suggest they set boundaries. They would spend one night kissing, another night touching above clothes, another touching above clothes just above the waist. However much they wanted to go further they would stop themselves and slowly the boundaries would become larger until they both felt comfortable enough to love each other completely.

So far they had only made it to touching- hands only- everywhere with clothes and touching above the waist without clothes. That was why when Olivia felt Alex's naked back lean against her chest in the bath and her arse press into her sex she had to tilt her head back to stifle a moan.

They sat together in a comfortable silence for a long time, their hands entwined under the water. Although the fire was burning and spitting right next to them Olivia couldn't help but notice that the cold air had hardened Alex's nipples into tight pink pebbles and she had to close her eyes to resist lifting her hands to touch them.

When the water had cooled and a bubbling could be heard from the fire Alex sat up and reached for the pot of near boiling water.

'You want this is now?' Alex asked.

Olivia nodded, 'be careful not to burn yourself.' Alex carefully lifted the pot and avoiding their legs poured into the tub. Both woman gasped then chuckled at their reactions as the water suddenly became hot again. Olivia leant forward and started to move the water around the bath, making sweeping motions with her arms. Alex joined in and soon they were giggling like little girls as the water became waves around them. Still chuckling Olivia leaned back again but Alex stayed hunched over where she was.

'Can you wash my hair for me?'

'Yeah sure.' Olivia said picking up the soap. She inched forward and after pouring water over Alex's head started lathering her hair in soap. She was concentrating so hard on making sure it was all rubbed into her scalp that she almost missed the first moan that Alex made. The second however was louder and unmistakable for what it was. She chuckled in part to try and hide the sharp pulse she suddenly felt between her legs and moved forward to look at Alex's face over her shoulder.

'That feels good huh?'

Alex was biting her lip, trying to prevent any more noises and it became a game between the two of them. Olivia trying to make Alex moan, Alex trying to stay silent. By the time that Olivia rinsed the bubbles away the pulse in her sex had become a throb and she had to bite back her own moan as Alex moved back to press against her again. The room smelled of smoke and the rose scent of the soap and gone were the two girls playing with the water.

Alex was leaning her head back against Olivia's shoulder staring up into her eyes and Olivia leaned forward and kissed away a small droplet of water that was making its way down Alex's forehead. The blonde's lips parted at the contact and Olivia felt her breath on her face before she moved her mouth down to cover hers. The kiss was slow but hard, both of them batting for control and when Olivia felt she was losing the fight to Alex she moved her mouth down to Alex's jaw.

She scrapped her teeth against her pulse point and the blonde arched against her a cry falling from her lips. Olivia felt her hips involuntary jerk forward at the sound and at feeling her throbbing centre rub against Alex's arse she couldn't help but moan herself.

She wouldn't have given up the months with Alex for anything but the frustration was becoming unbearable. Every time they would get so far and…. not that she was complaining, but being so close all the time meant that she felt as if the slightest touch would enough to send her over the edge. She could have dealt with it on her own of course but for one there was not much privacy, and two the thought of fantasying about Alex without her knowing felt like a violation and she couldn't make herself do it.

They were both panting now, Olivia sucking on Alex's neck. She was sure to leave a mark but she was beyond caring. Alex pressed her arse back again and Olivia groaned into her neck. Her clit was throbbing and she was sure Alex had done that on purpose. Her suspicions were confirmed when Alex pressed back again and Olivia now only had the energy to gasp against her skin. She brought her hand to Alex hip to stop her from moving again.

'Lex…' she moaned.

'What?' Alex said with a smile in her voice.

'You know what.'

'Doesn't it feel good.'

'You know how it feels' Olivia replied sternly, gripping Alex's hip harder as she tried to move again. For all that she was frustrated this was not the way she wanted it play out; this was supposed to be about Alex.

'errrm….'

Olivia moved her mouth away from Alex's neck as the reason for the blonde's silence sunk in. 'You've never….'

Alex shook her head quickly, turning her face into Olivia's neck, she didn't want to discuss the details, think about the fear she use to have about her body. She wanted to be normal, she wanted to feel what was making Olivia moan. Without thinking she said in low voice, 'show me.'

Olivia felt her breath catch in her chest. She looked down in to the face below her, flushed from the fire, her eyes filled with nothing but love and trust and decided that today she would mirror that trust. If Alex thought she was ready then Olivia definitely wasn't going to say no.

She kept her left hand on Alex's hip while she brought the other up to her breasts. With her tongue exploring Alex's mouth she let her hand trail water all over Alex's torso until the skin was slick and her nipples were so hard they looked painful. Bringing her left hand up to join the right she palmed both of her breasts, marvelling at how well they fit into her hands and used her fingers to pull and pinch at the nipples until Alex was writhing and panting in her to her mouth.

Olivia wanted to draw the moment out, to touch every inch of skin and run her nails across each rib but Alex had other ideas. Kissing Olivia harder she moved Olivia's right hand down over her stomach and left it just above her sex.

'Please Liv.' She moaned against her neck finally breaking the kiss so she could breathe.

Olivia brought her other hand up to the back of Alex's head and held it against her collar bone as with the other she moved down through the water and to where Alex so desperately wanted it. She ran her fingers through the golden hair that covered her mound before dipping down and lightly brushing her nails against the outside of Alex's lips. The blonde was gasping now and her hips were bucking slightly.

Thinking that she teased her for long enough Olivia slowly eased her finger inside. Both women moaned aloud at the sensation. Olivia didn't know what was warmer, Alex or the water and the feeling of the soft, velvety muscles clenching around her finger were better than she could have ever imagined. She moved out an inch then pushed slowly back in feeling Alex arch against her and make the softest panting noises in the back her throat.

She continued with the slow tortuous pace until she heard Alex almost cry from frustration and realised that she had been teasing just a little a too long. Curling her finger she found the rough patch just inside and rubbed at it while moving her finger faster. With her palm she rubbed against Alex's mound feeling her clit grow hard and throb against her.

As Alex's thrusting grew faster in response Olivia took one of her hands, clutching the edge of the tub, and brought it to her own her chest.

'Play with them, like I was.'

Alex opened her eyes and looked up at her, the blue almost lost with how dark her irises had become. 'Trust me Lex, it feels good.'

Alex closed her eyes again before pulling slightly at her own nipples. She cried out in Olivia's neck at the sensation and Olivia felt a flood of wetness coat her finger.

The sight in the front of her, of Alex laid out, playing with her breasts, her own finger moving between her legs, reminded Olivia of the throbbing at her own centre. In her amazement at what she was doing her own arousal had crept up on her up and she was shocked at how close she was. Alex's bucking hips had caused her arse to lightly rub against Olivia's centre and twined with the image in front of her she couldn't help but moan and thrust her own hips- 'so much for making this about Alex' she thought wryly as her body took control.

'Shit Lex…. I'm close.'

Alex raised her head and opened her eyes. She was panting and moaning freely now and didn't have the breath to respond with words so just pulled Olivia's head down into a searing kiss.

Both women now had their eyes closed, foreheads pressed together as they tried to control their breathing. Olivia was surrounded by warmth. The water running and moving over her body, the slick soft skin sliding over hers, the warm tight wetness that was Alex's sex. She tried to hold on for as long as she could but she was too close.

'Let go for me sweetheart. Cum for me.' she whispered into Alex's ear and as if that were the permission Alex had been waiting for she felt her stiffen against her and her walls clamp down on her finger. The feeling was too much and Olivia felt her pussy throb as it pulsed and her clit twitched against Alex's arse. They both arched up into each other as their toes curled and they cried out, rubbing against the last of the aftershocks.

Olivia slowly withdrew her finger and neither of them spoke as they got their breaths back. They shared a slow but tired kiss and lay back in the rapidly cooling water. They would speak about what just happened but now they were content to just hold each other and know that everything was okay.


	33. A Locked Room

**Sorry it's been so long between updates, I've recently just got a 40 hour a week job and I'm moving house this weekend so I'm still getting used to not having as much time.**

 **As always thanks for reading and please do review.**

'How did you even get this thing to the house in the first place?' Alex asked as they paused for the fifth time to rest and put down the bathtub that was digging into her hand.

'Dragged it mainly.' Olivia responded cracking her knuckles and flexing her fingers.

'It must have taken ages.'

'Yeah it was hard...worth it though right?' Olivia said winking as Alex blushed and looked away. They had woken that morning wrapped in each other's arms and it was Alex who finally suggested they should take the tub back. Though the day was windy the air felt as heavy as it had for the past week and she was sure that there was storm coming. She had finally found the courage to go to the village and wanted to make the trip while the weather held. She could tell that Olivia wanted to stay and talk about what had happened the night before but for a little time at least Alex didn't want to think too hard. She wanted to enjoy the memory as it was without digging into exactly how she felt about it. Her desire to go the village was in part because she knew she couldn't avoid it forever and partly because she knew that Olivia would put their trip before their inevitable conversation.

It took them till noon to complete the normal hour walk, dragging the heavy tub as they were, and by the time they got there Alex was sweating in the humid air. The village consisted of around twenty houses of varying size arranged in no particular order. They all had wooden frames and dirty thatched roofs with wattle and daub filling the empty spaces. Alex thought to herself that it wouldn't matter what part of England she travelled to, serfs' houses would always look the same. They dragged the tub to the well which sat sort of in the middle and Olivia walked away in search of Mrs Smith.

It wasn't long, to Alex's relief, when Olivia returned with an old woman in tow. Her head was covered in a scarf and age had bent her back but Alex saw that her eyes remained clear and hard; eyes that wouldn't miss anything. Olivia had told her on the journey that Mrs Smith was a widower of twenty years and the oldest person around for miles. Alex reckoned that it was this woman, and not perhaps Sir Walter in his manor, who really ran the village.

'So you're the one who's been hiding.'

It took Alex a moment to realise that Mrs Smith was talking to her. 'Hiding?' she said.

'Never wanted to come and see us.' Mrs Smith continued staring hard at her and not smiling. Alex looked over to Olivia for help, kicking herself for not coming up with an excuse for her absence before arriving.

'She hasn't been well Mags, I told you. Thought a bath would help with healing and look low and behold!' Olivia said taking pity on her.

'Hmmmmm, dangerous things baths, more likely to catch your death than heal anything ask me. But then what do I know, I'm only the oldest woman around for miles.' Mags replied sarcastically.

Olivia laughed while Alex could only grin nervously. 'You want us to take it back to the house?' Olivia asked.

'No no,' Mags barked, 'It's going to the Matson's next' She shook her head as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and of course they should have known it.

Alex couldn't help sigh in relief that they would be able to leave so soon. For all her bravado this morning the thought of meeting any more people, especially if they were anything like Mags, filled her with dread and she wanted nothing more than to leave.

Olivia however had other ideas. 'Anyone around?' she asked.

'In the fields, working! Like you two should be!'

'Well, if you say so Mags we'd better head right on over then.' Olivia replied with a smile, not taking anything the woman said seriously or to heart. 'Want to come and meet some people?' she asked Alex.

Looking at Olivia's hopeful face and remembering how happy she had been that she was finally joining her in the village Alex didn't have the heart to say no so soon found herself standing at the edge of a smallish field watching a group of people bent over the soil harvesting what looked like leeks. They watched them work in silence for a time and Alex saw that there were all ages from babies carried on their mother's backs to tall well-muscled adults all toiling away. By some unspoken rule they all seemed to break for lunch at the same moment and Alex was quickly surrounded by people all wanted to look at the stranger.

Olivia did most of the talking and she continued the illness excuse, which Alex reasoned wasn't entirely a lie, for why Alex hadn't been to visit before. After a short amount of time the children got bored of the new face and went off by themselves to play and not soon after Alex, so unused to socialising, gently removed herself from the now laughing and eating group. She felt Olivia's eyes on her back but didn't turn round as she sat down close to watch the children play.

They were a mix of ages and were playing a game that appeared to involve jumping from one line drawn in the dirt to another, the distance getting longer as the game went on. Their laughter filled the air and Alex couldn't help but smile to see their faces.

'Do you have any of your own?' Alex turned around surprised. A middle aged woman had followed her from the group and had appeared at her elbow while she had been distracted and was now looking at her with a slight smile that was fading as the silence grew longer.

'….No' Alex finally answered, somehow finding a smile of her own as her heart slowed down, 'do you?'

'Two. The boys with the blonde hair. Take after their father.' Alex would have assumed as much seeing as the heavily set woman had light brown hair. 'They always win this game.' the woman continued.

'Do they play together a lot,' Alex asked, 'all the children that is?'

'Oh yeah, they're all great friends, born and raised together. We're a pretty tight knit village here. Not like Wyndom mile off that way. Boy should hear some of the back stabbing that goes on over there.' The woman chuckled to herself and Alex found herself chuckling too; slightly bemused by this woman who had come over and behaved as if they had known each other for years. 'What about where you're from?' the woman asked.

'Oh my village. Well… yeah we were really close as well. There weren't as many children my age growing up but Olivia and I were really close.'

'Just like me and Martha,' the woman said nodding, not appearing to notice how awkward Alex was looking, 'people would come to visit and think we were sisters the amount of time we used to spend together. Even went and got pregnant the same time would you believe it. That's her lad there.'

The 'lad' in question was a small boy with black hair who was just about to complete his jump. The women looked away from each other and watched as he bounced on his toes throwing his arms back before springing forward and landing with his heels touching the other line. They soon lost sight of him however as the children around him started screaming in delight and bundled him to the floor.

'Remember the days' the woman said laughing and turning back to her.

Alex laughed along and hoped she could tell that she was faking it. 'We never played this game ourselves,' she said feeling the need to add to her story, 'but we did play stuck in the mud a lot with children from the village over. Olivia was great at it and always crawled through my legs to help me….which was a lot.' The woman laughed and Alex found herself smiling at the made up memory. It was true that the children she grew up with did play stuck in the mud a lot but she never played it with them. She would watch instead from behind the curtains in her room and wonder what it would feel like if she were allowed to play. She had even gone as far as to ask her father once if she could go to the meadow and join in but he had gotten so angry at the thought that she, his daughter, would need other people that she hadn't dared to ask again.

Her and the woman continued to talk, or more the woman talked and Alex listened, and instead of feeling more at ease it only made her feel more insecure. Hearing the woman reminisce and talk about community reminded her of what she had missed her whole life. She didn't smile properly until the lunch break was over and Olivia declared that they should head back before the gathering grey clouds decided to open.

* * *

'You made a friend today.'

'Huh?'

'Mary. You were talking to her over by the children.'

'Oh the big woman,' Alex was busy building the fire and didn't look up. They had arrived home late, staying in the village longer than they had expected and with the days growing shorter the sun was already beginning to set filling the house with a blood red light.

'Yeah,' Olivia said after a pause wondering at the discomfort in Alex's voice. 'You talk about anything interesting.'

'Nothing much,' Alex answered avoiding Olivia's eyes, though the fire was now lit and happily cackling away. Olivia thought about pressing the issue but knew from previous experience that pushing Alex would only get her to shut down more. She leaned around the other woman and added a pot with their evening food to the fire.

'You're really good at stuck in the mud by the way,' Alex tacked on as if the conversation had continued since she last spoke. Olivia used to Alex's unusual habit was happy to go along.

'I am really good at stuck in the mud,' she answered with such a serious expression that Alex couldn't help but laugh as they moved over and sat together on the pallet listening to the water bubbling as the cold slowly left the room.

'Did you play a lot of games when you were little?' Alex asked.

'Yeah, I mean when there was time,' Olivia answered turning her head to stare at her; wondering why the topic of their childhoods, which before had been off-limits, was suddenly the theme of conversation. 'Elliot and I would always team up against these other two boys, Jack and Henry, and play anything we could think of….We always won of course.'

'Of course.' Alex agreed with a smile.

'What about you?' Olivia hadn't known whether to ask or not, sometimes pressing Alex ended the conversation, and seeing her face fall she feared she'd made the wrong choice. However, Olivia reasoned, it was Alex who had started talking, who had sat watching the children. She must at least subconsciously want to talk about it.

The silence grew longer and Olivia watched as Alex tried to think of what to say. One of the peculiar things she had noticed about Alex was that even though she was stubborn and some would call her cold she had very little control over her expressions. Of course when she was concentrating she could keep a straight face but a life time under a helmet meant that if Alex felt something you were likely to see it in the lines around her mouth and the crinkles around her eyes.

At this moment her brow was creased and her eyes slightly narrowed as she figured out what to say. The smell of carrot and turnip filled the room signalling that their dinner was ready but Olivia didn't move, letting Alex's obviously complex thought process take its time. She hoped that she would tell her the truth.

'I had an imaginary friend.' Alex finally answered with a small not entirely happy smile. 'I would watch the other children playing from my window, then the next day we would play it together.'

'What was their name?' Olivia asked working hard to keep the sadness out of her voice.

'Peter, after the saint. We made up our own games too.' Alex said her smile gaining happiness as she remembered fond memories.

'What you'd make up?'

'Errrm,' Alex leaned her head back against the wall before leaning forward with a slightly guilty smile as if she were a child with her hand caught in the sweet jar, 'well there was this one game called spy.'

'From your face it must have been fun.' Olivia said smiling.

'We would sneak around the castle at night and try and get as close to people as we could without them seeing us. We snuck up on guards, on kitchen boys, on stable hands; anyone who still awake really. I got pretty good. Could stand right behind someone and touch their tunic without them realising.'

'You ever get caught?'

Alex threw her a disdainful look instead of vocalising her answer. 'We stopped playing it after a while though,' Alex said with a frown, trying to remember exactly why she stopped, 'I guess it got boring', she finally said.

'What happened to Peter?'

'I grew out of him. Didn't need friends anymore.' Alex was still desperately trying to remember why her twelve year old self had stopped playing spy and missed her slip of the tongue; Olivia however noticed that she had neglected to use the word imaginary. Alex, still thinking hard, remembered that she loved the game and couldn't understand why she had stopped. She ran through the last time she could remember playing, deciding she would play the next night, even though there had been a close call, and walking to the door and….. she closed her eyes before shaking her head and turning to Olivia who was watching her with an odd expression. 'I think the food's ready.' She got up and took the pot off the fire, filling two bowls as she went.

'What made you sad just then?' Olivia asked.

Again Alex thought for a long time before she answered and they had eaten their meal by the time she had figured it out in her head enough to explain.

'I struggle sometimes to know whether what he did was abuse or whether he was just being a parent.' She paused to check that Olivia was listening and after seeing that she was continued, 'I mean just now, I finally remembered that I stopped playing spy because my father beat me one evening then started locking the door at night. He said it was for my own protection; the people wouldn't trust a stranger walking around the castle at night. Was that bad or just parenting?

And I mean this sense of not knowing is now ruining everything. Every happy memory I have I'm now second guessing. He wasn't always bad. I remember one time we spent the whole night playing cards and drinking wine and he was really interested in what I had to say and it's one of my happiest memories. But now he's hurt me is it still happy?' Alex could feel herself getting choked up but knew she had to try and finish explaining, let Olivia know all of it.

'Everyone always feared me or pitied me and I always used to think that if they could just get to know me, hear me talk, they might love me like he did. Except now you're telling me he never loved me. The one person who knows me, the only person who's ever loved me never actually loved me.' She was crying now, unable to stop the tears and Olivia yearned to reach out and take her in her arms but didn't want to disrupt the speech.

'He just wanted me to himself, to own me. I was nothing more than an object, valuable for its use but not worthy of actual love.'

'I love you.' Olivia could help but talking hating how Alex was describing herself.

'I know you say that but so did he and sometimes I can't help but think,' Alex looked down unable to meet her eyes, feeling her tears fall onto her clasped hands, 'I can't help but think that if you didn't want me you wouldn't be here. That now you have what you want you'll leave.'

Olivia sat there stunned for a moment horrified that Alex would ever think such a thing; that she had ever acted in a way that would make her believe it. She reached forward and picked up Alex's chin forcing her to look at her and listen to every forceful slow word she was about to say.

'I love you! I'm not here for your body. It's amazing and I love that we shared that moment yesterday but it's not why I'm here. I love _you._ I know you and I promise as long as you want me I'm going to be here.'

Alex heard the words and felt their meaning sink in but still a part of her, the part that was still a child stuck inside a locked room alone, feared that no one would ever want to come and open the door. She felt her breath catch and soon turn into sobs and she all but fell into Olivia's arms.

'I just….I….I just don't want to be alone anymore.'


	34. The Storm

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

The storm had finally arrived and Alex lay there and listened to thunder that sounded as if the whole sky was being ripped apart. She had woken moments before, her head feeling like it was wrapped in cotton wool and her cheeks still stiff from salted tears knowing she wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. The rain that was steadily falling through their meagre chimney had made small work of their fire and she couldn't see her hand in front of her face let alone what the weather was doing to the outside; she prayed for a moment that her bees would be okay. The wind rattled round and through the house and she burrowed further down under their blankets seeking the body heat of Olivia beside her. She marvelled that Olivia could sleep through what felt like the second coming.

After sobbing on her shoulder for hours Alex had finally cried herself to sleep, too exhausted to think or feel anything more that day. Lying there now, in the cocoon of the storm, she couldn't help but start to turn over her old worries, as if crying had only helped ease the superficial cut and not the underlying wound. The wind that had once sounded comforting was now imprisoning and she started to worry that in telling Olivia her fears the older woman would feel obligated to stop them. That she wouldn't want to be intimate again and would stay out of pity or that she would and it would somehow confirm that she was only there for one thing. Alex turned them over in her head until it felt as if the room was spinning and the darkness was suffocating her. She couldn't decide which was worse; what she wanted Olivia to do and hated how dependent she had become.

Her thoughts and uneven breathing were broken when a flash of light suddenly lit up the room and the thunder that followed was so loud it managed to finally wake Olivia.

'Huh wha…'

'It's just the storm Liv, it's decided to arrive.' Alex said, laughing breathlessly at her own pounding heart and rolling onto her side towards Olivia. She felt the brunet snuggle back down beneath the blankets and thought for a moment that she had gone directly back to sleep until her sleepy voice interrupted the rain.

'You been awake long?'

'A while I guess,' Alex replied speaking in whispers to match the dark.

Although Olivia couldn't see her face she had become adept at listening to Alex's tone and knew immediately that something wasn't right. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing…'

'You sound upset.' Olivia said managing to sound soft even in a whisper.

'I was just thinking.'

'Anything in particular?'

Alec remained silent for a moment. She didn't want to bore Olivia with the same conversation they'd had that night, with her neediness, but at the same time she found herself needing comfort and reassurance. Feeling happy that Olivia couldn't see the blush on her cheeks she asked quietly, 'was errrm… was the other day… like I mean in the bath… good for you?'

Olivia smiled to hear Alex start the conversation she had been dying to have since they had gone to sleep that night. 'It was amazing Lex.'

'Good.' Alex said shortly rolling on to her back.

'Was it good for you?' Olivia asked, in part because she wanted to continue the conversation and because she feared that Alex regretted what had happened. She smiled hearing her response.

'Yeah it was good… really good.'

'You said you'd never had an orgasm before.'

Alex felt her face grow even hotter and squirmed uncomfortably at how blunt Olivia was being. She wished she hadn't told her that part. 'I told you I've never been with anyone.'

'Not even by yourself?' Olivia wasn't going to let this go.

'No.'

'You should try it sometime.'

Alex didn't answer. Being with Olivia was about love and desire. Being with herself just felt wrong somehow, almost dirty.

'I do.'

'What.' Alex couldn't help but break her silence.

'Women who share our… proclivities can be hard to find. So yeah, I take care of myself. It's a great way to get to know your own body Lex.'

Alex raised herself up on to her elbow and looked down at where she felt Olivia to be. While the thought of touching herself was uncomfortable, the thought of Olivia doing the same was uncomfortable in an entirely different way. She unconsciously began rubbing her thighs together as she imaged how wet Olivia would be, the noises she would make. Not five minutes ago she had been worrying that sleeping with Olivia again would be too much. Now such thoughts were long gone. She didn't care what being with Olivia would mean only that she wanted to.

'Show me?'

'What?' now it was Olivia's turn to be confused.

'Show me how you do it.' The dark had made Alex bold and even though she was still blushing she felt a thrill run through her body at being in control.

'You want me to touch you again?' Olivia asked.

'No. I want you to touch yourself.'

Olivia was silent for so long that Alex thought she had crossed a line and biting her lip was about to apologise. She let out an audible sigh of relief when Olivia spoke again.

'You can't see me.'

'Then describe it.'

Olivia lay there considering what to do. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. To her, masturbation was something to be done alone, there was no need when one had a partner and the thought of talking wasn't great either. She only really liked it if she was the one being talked to. But on the other hand if it would help make Alex more comfortable in her own skin it would be worth it. And she had to admit that the thought of the blonde getting turned on watching her was a turn on in its self.

Clearing her throat she started self-consciously, 'I'm running my hands down my body. Really lightly, over my stomach, my legs.

Alex lay on her side, with her head propped up on her elbow. She couldn't really see Olivia but she could feel her body move beside her and hear her shallow breathing. 'Then what?'

'I close my eyes and touch myself harder.'

'What are you thinking of?'

'You watching me.'

'What do you normally think of?'

'Old partners, people I wanted to be with.'

'Me?'

'No.'

Alex narrowed her eyes, 'why not.'

'It felt wrong. Like I was taking advantage.'

'And if I gave you permission?'

Olivia felt her breathing grow deeper and it felt as she was floating in the darkness. The storm outside was still raging but it felt muted and her senses were heighted, the feel of her rough fingers moving over the soft skin of stomach and the heat from Alex hitting her side. 'Then I'd think of you.'

Alex smiled slightly, 'what am I doing?'

'You're lying on top of me,' it was easy for Olivia to let herself imagine what she had wanted so many times. 'You're kissing me, biting my lip and I can feel your breasts against mine.'

'You reach up and pull my nipple lightly, rubbing it in your fingers.' Olivia's hand mirrored her words and Alex felt her move beside her and her small gasp of pleasure fill the air.

'You straddle my hips and you're wet already, rubbing against my stomach as you bite my neck, whispering in my ear.'

Alex wanted to know what she was saying but didn't want to break the fantasy Olivia was having. She rubbed her own thighs together trying to get rid of the ache between them but hearing Olivia moan only made the throbbing get worse and a flood wetness coat her legs.

'You put a finger inside me and I can't help but raise my hips as you thrust it in and out; too slow, you're making me wait.'

'I'm teasing you.' Alex couldn't help but ask before she could stop herself.

'It feels so good and I can't…. God. You add another finger and you get faster, sucking at my breasts till they hurt and…. Fuck.'

Olivia was panting now, barely able to get the words out between the slight mewls of pleasure. If she wasn't so far gone she might have been embarrassed by the wet noises coming from her pussy as her fingers moved faster and harder till she pounding her hand between her legs; her back arching off the bed.

Alex was breathing as hard as Olivia and the noises were only making her wetter till she began to feel light headed. She edged her body closer to Olivia till her whole side was touching soft skin and her hardened nipples brushed against Olivia's arm.

The feeling of the warm damp curls hitting her hip was too much for her. Crying out Olivia felt her walls clamp down her fingers as a rushing noise filled her ears and the feeling was so intense she felt sure she was about to pass out.

Before she had fully come down from her high she rolled off her back and raised herself over Alex. Without her usual concern and apprehension she crashed her mouth down on hers, pulling her tongue inside. Rolling on top of Alex she took her fingers, already wet with her own juices and plunged them inside the blonde.

Alex didn't know what was happening when she felt Olivia move but as soon as her mouth attached itself to hers she was more than happy for anything to happen. She was turned on to the point of pain and so when Olivia thrust her fingers inside in one smooth motion the sharp sting of her muscles being stretched was soon lost in the filling of being filled and every spot being hit. She moved her hips to match Olivia's pace and it only took a couple of hard, bruising strokes, for her to shudder and cry out into Olivia's mouth.

They lay for a moment, waiting till their panting returned to normal and with small kisses all over her face Olivia made sure Alex was okay.

She winced slightly when Olivia removed her fingers and wondered what Olivia was doing when she moved her hand to her mouth. Reaching up Alex took her arm and pulled it away, realising with shock that Olivia had been licking her fingers clean. However instead of the disgust she expected to feel she felt curious at what her juices would taste like; remembering with a pang of arousal that those fingers had been side Olivia as well.

Olivia gasped when she felt Alex flick out her tongue and taste the wetness that coated them. She licked them slowly and with light touches that reminded Olivia of a kitten before she pulled them into her mouth, sucking gently and running her tongue all over, using it split them. The sensation and surprise caused Olivia to cum gently again, amazed that her body had anything left to give. The small spasm sent a trickle of wetness down her thighs to land on Alex's mound and her own arms collapsed beneath her till she was lying completely on top of the younger woman.

Pulling her fingers free, gaining a moan of disapproval of Alex, she rolled off and lay beside her, still breathing heavily and feeling her thighs grow sticky. The storm was long forgotten as their arousal lay heavy in the air.

'Are you okay?' Olivia asked when the post orgasm haze had worn off.

'Yeah.' Alex replied with a small chuckle.

'I didn't hurt you.'

'What?'

'I mean… that was okay. I got a little carried away and I didn't mean to…'

Alex rolled over and into Olivia's side, resting her head on her chest, 'it was perfect Liv. I'd tell you if it wasn't. I promise.'

Olivia bit her lip slightly but nodded after a moment.

'Do they always feel like that?' Alex asked after a while.

'What feel like what?'

Alex felt herself blush again, 'orgasms. I mean I've only had two but they were….mind blowing.'

Olivia couldn't help but feel a little smug, 'No they don't always feel like that. They very in strength and are rarely that strong; at least for me.'

'I've barely even touched you.'

Olivia laughed and Alex heard it deep in her chest, 'Exactly! It's different because you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I love you.'

'You love me.' Alex said dubiously, still struggling to believe it however many times Olivia had said it.

'More than anyone.'

Alex hated how vulnerable and needy she sounded, especially after how happy she had been just seconds ago, but she couldn't help but ask. 'Sometimes I don't know who I am. What's my…. upbringing and what's me. How can you love me, when I don't even know who _me_ is?'

Olivia was quiet for a time, her hand absentmindedly trailing down the ridges of Alex's spine. 'I love the you,' she finally said, 'that takes half an hour to get up. I love the you that is probably thinking about the bees right now.' Alex couldn't help but chuckle slightly remembering her earlier prayer. 'I love the you that went to save her brother. It may take time to discover all the small details Lex but believe me, you're more than what he raised you to be.'

Alex found herself unable to respond due to the lump in her throat so settled for nuzzling her face against Olivia's collar bone and kissing the skin there lightly.

'Do you love me?' Olivia asked after a time with a vulnerability Alex had rarely heard in her voice.

She raised herself on to her elbow slightly and blindly leaned in till her lips pressed against Olivia's, trying to put all her emotion into one small action.

'Of course. More than anyone.'


	35. Summer Fair

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

Olivia sat in the sun with a pint of ale in her hand and marvelled at how far Alex had come. Just months ago she had been scared to see other people let alone speak to them and now, in the middle of the August sun, she was happily chatting away to a perfect stranger. To say things had been easy would have been a bit of stretch; sometimes it felt like they were taking one step forward and two steps back but ultimately things were better. Alex had grown in confidence and had become accustomed to the peasant living. She could now cook as well, if not better she always said herself, than Olivia and she was always willing to lend a hand at tending their small vegetable plot.

It was the bees however, Olivia thought, that really brought about the biggest change. They were the first thing that were entirely and singularly Alex. She had never had a project that was entirely hers to control and manage and she seemed to revel in the freedom.

To Olivia the bees were a menace that the world could do without. She was close to breaking into a cold sweat every time she heard them buzzing but Alex had seemed at ease from the very first day. She managed and repaired the hives and even went as far as planting some clover around the house so they had plenty of pollen with which to make honey. Olivia remembered how funny it had been watching her fret and worry about a month back; the first time she went to open the hives. All morning she had parried question after question of what they were going to do if there was no honey; what they were going to do if the honey had somehow spoiled- Olivia didn't even know if honey could spoil; what they were going to do if no one wanted to buy it. Sitting there now Olivia smiled to herself to see the tens of jars of golden produce that was almost flying off the stall. She couldn't help but feel proud at how much Alex had achieved, how much she had grown. They had become regulars at the tables of Mary and Martha and she loved playing with the children while Alex taught them all to play chess; with a set that had taken Olivia a month to whittle.

They had travelled with Sir Walter and some of the village to the local summer fair held down in Canterbury and Alex and Mary were happily manning a stall while Martha had taken charge of the children. Olivia, for once, was doing absolutely nothing. Apart from building the stall that morning she was happy to laze in the sun and drink the day away; watching how the light hit Alex's hair and how her smile seemed to brighten her whole face. Though the winter had been hard and cold; the earth baring nothing but thorns and weeds, spring had jumped into action and the two of them almost had more food than they could eat. Alex had quickly put on weight and Olivia liked that when she ran her hands down her sides she no longer felt every rib.

Her own physique however, was a little bit more on the podgy side than she would have liked. She hadn't realised how fit running away from soldiers had made her. Alex liked to poke fun at softness of her belly, her own seemingly unable to become anything more than flat, and for once it was Olivia shying away from Alex's eyes. The blonde had been quick to reassure her however, telling her that she liked how soft it was to lie in her arms; although Olivia didn't know how much of that was just kindness on Alex's part and vowed to herself that come winter she would get back into shape. A small part of her feared that when it came to pulling her bow again she wouldn't have the strength.

She wondered sometimes; what it would be like if they never went back. They had friends here, they had a, if a bit small, honey business. The threat and injustice of the sheriff seemed so far away lying in the southern sun and more than once, that small voice in the back of her mind had raised its head; tempted her with the idea of easy living with nothing more to worry about than Alex's arms wrapped around her. They could add rooms to their house, Olivia could help teach the local children archery and they could live happily ever after….

No. Olivia shook her head, chasing away the thoughts. She hated that only a few months away could make her forget how much Nottingham and the forest meant to her; how much her friends and the people meant to her. It scared her sometimes how all-consuming her love for Alex was. It felt as if she needed no else in the world apart from her, that her old loves, her still existing love for her friends paled in comparison. She couldn't even entertain the thought of Alex not being there, of somehow losing the blonde.

'Hey' Olivia was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that Alex had left the stall and walked over towards her. She smiled and raised her tankard in response.

'You ready to go?' Alex asked. They had planned at the start of the week to spend at least half a day walking round the fair, seeing if there was anything they wanted to buy, any games they wanted to play, but the stall had been so busy from day one that Alex hadn't had a spare moment and though Olivia had wandered around a little she didn't see much point without Alex.

She raised the tankard to her mouth and downed the rest of her ale to Alex's raised eyebrow. 'I am now.' she said getting to her feet, her joints stiff from sitting for so long. Alex shook her head, half in amusement and half in disapproval as they turned and walked towards the main 'street' through the various tents and stalls.

The sun was falling slowly through the sky making beads of sweat appear on Olivia's forehead. They passed tents of every colour imaginable, reds and blues and yellows and stalls selling herbal medicines to lucky rabbits' feet. Alex brought them both some hog roast from a giant boar that was being roasted over a roaring fire. They stood for a time, mesmerised by the smell of sizzling a fat, and watched a small boy turn the spit. He was naked from the waist up, his back coated in sweat and soon they had to move away because the heat became unbearable. They turned off the main walkway and from there the tents were spread out in a haphazard way with no clear paths between them as people jockeyed for the best places. There was a man in a bright green tunic trying to sell a hooded sparrow hawk to what must have been a lord with a curling moustache and at one point they saw a woman contorting herself into various almost sickening poses to the amazement of the crowd.

By the time they were done walking around, having seen what felt to Olivia the whole fair, they found a patch of grass that hadn't been worn down to mud and away from the noise of various animals and people yelling across to each other and sat down to rest and eat some strawberries that Olivia had brought for an extortionate price.

'Are you happy?' she asked Alex as they watched the sun go down, bathing the sky in red.

'You mean today or life in general?' Alex asked, smiling to think that Olivia would feel the need to ask the obvious.

'In general I guess.'

Olivia's tone was almost sad and Alex frowned when she turned to answer. 'I'm the happiest I've ever been.'

Olivia nodded and continued staring out at the sunset, resting back on her hands.

'Why do you ask… aren't you?'

Olivia heard the worry and turned with a reassuring smile. 'I guess sometimes I wish I could tell everyone how much I love you. Like today we couldn't even walk down the street holding hands or look at each too long. We've known Mary and Martha for months and they don't know; Mary asked me yesterday if I liked the baker from that village over with the wonky sign.' Olivia's face crumpled in disgust, 'I mean the baker!'

'I guess sometimes I want that too,' Alex replied, 'but then I never expected have this much. The very thought that you love me is enough. I don't need to go shouting it to the world too.'

'Do you want to stay here Alex?' Olivia said seriously sitting up and turning fully to the face her. The little voice was speaking again and she thought that perhaps, if she could choose Alex would want to stay, that if hiding their love wasn't an issue she'd have no reason to leave.

Alex took a while to answer, sitting cross legged and pulling at the grass, 'I want to be with you.'

'That's not what I asked, Lex'

'Yes it is,' Alex argued looking up into Olivia's face, 'I want to be with you and however much part of you might want to stay you'll always go back.' Olivia sighed and pressed her mouth into a line, looking up into the sky. 'Don't feel guilty about it Liv. You have family there and I haven't forgotten about William.' Olivia's head shot down. 'I might have failed to save him once but that doesn't mean I can't try again.'

This was the first Olivia had heard of this plan and she couldn't say she was happy to hear it but she tried to hide her disapproval. She still hadn't told Alex about their plan to kill the sheriff and tentatively thought this might be a good moment. 'How would you save him?'

Alex sighed and shrugged her shoulders, 'I guess I'd find some way to get him away and make sure he grew up away from our father.'

'He's bound to have other influences as well as your father surely?'

Alex shook her head, 'No. My father is very controlling. Besides he only ever surrounds himself with people as bad as him. I remember there were two men from when I was little he even crueller than he was.'

Alex's eyes had become haunted and Olivia knew from the past that she had to speak and turn the conversation quickly. 'What about if your father wasn't there?' she said, trying to sound off hand.

'My father will always be there.' Alex said bluntly.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak again but seeing the hard look on Alex's face and after the amazing day they had had she couldn't bring herself to start an argument, to break the paradise they had created. They sat for a little time extra before it got slightly cold and they headed back to their tent, packing to be ready for their dawn start back home.

* * *

'Will we see you next week?' Mary shouted after them as they walked away from the village.

'Same as always!' Alex yelled back. It had taken them two days to make the journey back from the city, children in tow, and after so long in the company of others Olivia was looking forward to it just being the two of them again. She hefted their bags on her shoulders and they started the walk back to their house, Alex clinking with ever step their haul had been so big.

'I'm going to be happy to be home.' Olivia said.

'Oh God me too. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't mind being with everyone but it does have it downsides.' Alex said with a wink dancing on ahead.

Olivia felt her mouth fall open slightly. Alex confidence had not only increased in her social skills but in their bed as well. She had wanted to explore everything Olivia could teach her and some nights, although Olivia had thought she was rather fit, Alex had left her gasping for breath and her legs shaking. However, although in the middle of the night, in the dark with only the moon Alex was confident her blunt and rather unsubtle statement was unusual and caught Olivia off guard.

It didn't take her long to regain her bearings though, and soon she was almost running after the blonde. The fatigue of the journey was lost as she chased Alex home and a journey that should have taken them an hour was completed in thirty minutes. It wasn't until they reached the lane up to the house that Olivia finally caught her, although she thought that Alex must have let her for the younger woman had always been faster.

Alex shrieked in surprise as Olivia lifted her and whirled her round in a circle before setting her unsteady on her feet, both of them out of breath and laughing. Alex twisted in her arms and pressed her lips to hers feeling Olivia smile though their kiss. She slipped her tongue into the brunet's mouth but Olivia ended the kiss quickly after that, not wanting it to get too heated before they'd even reached the house. She pulled away and reached for Alex's hand leading her towards the door.

'I guess we arrived at the wrong time.'

Olivia whirled round, her head snapping towards the noise, instantly on the defensive.

'Don't worry about it,' the flat voice of Munch said, 'they've had months to get it on. One night without won't kill them.'

Olivia was rooted to the spot in shock. It seemed that for all the little voice raising its head, all the desire to never go home; home had come to them. Her year with Alex was over and she'd finally have to tell her, and tell her soon, that they were going to go and kill her father.


	36. The Return

**Thanks for reading and please do review.**

The wood felt smooth under her palm, the grain dark and polished, shinning even though it had spent the better part of a year under the earth. Her muscles tensed and bunched as she pulled back on the string, the beeswax still slightly warm to the touch. Her movement was fluid, almost as practiced as breathing and though she trusted her aim she paused, the string kissing the side of her lips, to revel in the feeling.

They had left as the hazy beginnings of dawn were throwing pastels across the sky and the dew was still wet on the grass. Olivia couldn't decide if she was happy or not to see her friends. Her paradise had been destroyed, the blunt reality of the life she actually lived had barged its way back in and although she had been compliant enough, packing away her things, she couldn't help but feel a sense of loss as they left the tiny cottage that had been home. Alex had given nothing away as to her own feelings. All she knew was that Munch and Rafael had travelled from the forest to ask them to come back; that extra bodies were needed. Olivia had tried to probe gently as they lay in each other's arms that night but apart from admitting to being a little upset Alex kept her cards close to her chest. The only thing she did insist on was that she was allowed to write a note to Martha and Mary explaining that there was an emergency and they had had to leave. She figured the local priest could read it to them.

Olivia let the arrow lose, pulling her shoulder blade back to make sure her hand did not follow the arrow. She smiled to see it hit the tree square and reached to her quiver drawing and firing with growing speed till all her arrows were spent and the trees around them were dotted with goose feathers. It was after noon and they had stopped to eat some bread and honey in a small corpse of trees just off the road side. They were travelling on foot but had made rather good time so when Olivia gave into temptation and uncovered and strung her bow Rafael hadn't said anything.

He had explained their need for urgency the night before.

' _We should leave first thing in the morning.'_

' _Why so soon.' Alex asked looking hurt at the thought of leaving without saying goodbye to her friends or making sure someone was there for the bees._

 _Rafael looked over to Olivia slightly, who gave the smallest shake of her head. He looked down to hide his frown then looked at Alex again, who was looking quizzically between them. 'I want to travel while we have the weather with us.'_

 _Alex narrowed her eyes but luckily she didn't question anything further and it was only when Olivia took him to collect some water that he told her why there was such a rush._

' _It's all arranged. The first of September. The clearing by the oak.'_

 _Olivia felt her pulse quicken, 'they all agreed?'_

' _Yes, they want to meet us all, to hammer out the details.'_

' _You trust them?'_

 _He shrugged, 'it's the only way to be rid of him.'_

 _Olivia frowned to herself but she knew that she had decided on this course months ago and she could not back out now._

' _You haven't told her yet?'_

 _She looked at Rafael again, 'No.'_

' _You need to tell her.'_

' _I will.'_

' _Why is it so difficult?'_

' _It just is….I…I don't want to scare her off.'_

' _She probably hates him more than you Liv, just tell her.'_

' _It's not that simple.'_

 _Rafael stopped and turned his whole body towards her, water sloshed out from the bucket he was carrying. 'She wants him dead.' He stated angrily, 'you can't say she doesn't want that!'_

' _It's not that simple I've told you.' Olivia replied not meeting his eyes, 'she's still in the abused mentality. To her he's undebatable, will always be there.'_

' _We we'll stick a knife in his back and prove her wrong then.'_

 _Olivia didn't grace that with an answer._

' _You_ _have_ _to tell her. She's not stupid, she'll figure it out and it's not fair on her.' Rafael said after a moment in a gentler tone._

' _I know.'_

It took them around a week to walk back to Nottingham, stopping only to sleep by the road side. Munch debated hiring horses but they risked a hard winter ahead if they spent all their money on extravagances now. The sun was low when they reached the edge of the forest. Unused to such travel Liv and Alex were tired while Rafael and Munch were tired from travelling too much. Their feet ached and they and their clothes smelled. They hadn't been able to eat a decent meal one they had hit Nottinghamshire in fear that the Sheriff would learn of their return and their stomachs felt hollow and empty. It took them another two days to travel through the forest, the weather finally abandoning them. Even when it was not raining the constant drip from the canopy of leaves left them irritable and their patience thin. Although there were other camps Olivia almost couldn't bear the thought of having to travel between them all, searching for the others. Luckily her fears were unfounded.

'Holiday doesn't suit you Liv.'

Olivia's head snapped up from her chest and she peered ahead at the hillside. Her face broke out in a large smile when she saw Elliot perched on a log just outside the hollow entrance. With an energy she didn't think she had she powered her legs up the slope and together they fell into a rib bruising hug.

'We travelled pretty fast.' she said in mock annoyance when they broke apart.

Alex and the others made their way down the slope and Munch all but fell on to the log Elliot had just risen from.

'Where are the others?' he said looking up and squinting through the sun.

'Down at the stream.'

'I'll go get them' Rafael said quickly, walking away before anyone could object.

There was a small tense silence while Elliot and Alex stared at each other. Alex looked away first.

'You look better.'

'Thank you' she said, still not completely meeting his eyes.

At a sharp look from Olivia Elliot sighed, 'No I mean it, I'm happy you're better.'

'Thank you.' Alex repeated, though this time looking up.

'We haven't got any food on I'm afraid.' he said loudly to all of them, to try and hide his embarrassment.

'Good,' Munch replied grumpily massaging his aching feet, 'none of you can cook anyway.'

* * *

It was strange how easily things fell back into old routines. After the initial hugs and questions about how things were going everyone just went back to normal, as if the last year hadn't happened. Finn laughed to hear about Olivia and her bee adventures and they carefully stored all the money that they had made at Canterbury market under the floor into the hollow. Elliot told those who had been away how the Sheriff had gotten even more violent and cruel in the last year. Public floggings and hangings had become an almost weekly occurrence and the three of them had had some near misses when they tried to help. In order to try and not make Alex feel guilty for this no one looked at her at all which of course left her feeling all the more guilty.

It went unspoken that the way things were going could not continue, that they had to do something drastic. No one had mentioned the plan to Alex, the others acting as if Rafael and Munch had been gone for only fortnight. It would have been amusing watching them pretend to have known Rafael for more than the weeks than they actually had if it were not for the tension surrounding the secret. By an unspoken decision it was left to Olivia to explain and though they thought the time had long past none tried to verbally push her.

It wasn't until Casey arrived to see Olivia that a different view was expressed. She, and perhaps Elliot although for once he was keeping quiet, thought that they shouldn't tell Alex till it was too late. That she might still want to warn her father. It had led to a shouting match between her and Amanda- who normally got on so well- and it was a testament to their acting ability that Alex and Olivia, returning from their hunting trip, were none the wiser to the heated debate.

After a week they had no choice but discuss the impending meeting with the Barons. Amanda, after making Finn promise to repeat everything word for word, had gone with Alex down to the stream to wash the camp's clothes while the others had congregated around the fire to plan everything out.

'They'll be arriving the first of the month. Dawn, by the clearing of the ancient oak.' Rafael explained, 'we'll sign and exchange contracts and figure out exactly what's to be done.'

'Who?' Elliot asked seriously.

'Sir John's son, Eustace de Vesci lord of Alnwick, Munch replied counting on his fingers, 'Robert FitzWalter lord of Dunmow…'

'Dunmow's in Essex' Elliot interpreted.

Munch paused then said 'the Sheriff is widely hated- we discovered more than the north wanted him gone,' before continuing with his list, 'and Robert De Ross, Lord of York.'

'Only three?' Olivia asked frowning.

'Only three who want their faces known,' Rafael quickly reassured, 'we found many others who, thought they would not aid us, swore not to stop us either.'

There was a moments silence before Finn spoke for the first time, 'Can we trust them?'

'Yes.'

'No.'

Rafael and Munch said simultaneously.

'What do you mean no!' Rafael said incredulously at Munch.

'Liv,' Munch said leaning forward on his knees and staring only at Olivia, 'I know you want him dead. I agree that he needs to die but don't rush into things.'

'We've waited a fucking year!'

Munch continued to ignore Rafael, 'I know you're angry and that things have gotten worse, but we can't trust them. They might want him dead too, but they want to see us the same way.'

'Why can't we trust them?' Elliot asked.

'I can't give you exact reasons,' Munch replied shrugging, 'I just know what my gut felt, what all their little sideway glances mean.'

'So we waste a year of work?' Rafael said angrily as Olivia's eyes flicked towards him.

'We go to meet them Liv, and I can't swear to you we're not walking into a trap.'

'I can't believe this.' Rafael said disbelievingly getting up from the log and pacing round. 'You've kept you're opinion pretty quiet!'

Elliot continued to ask questions while Rafael paced but it was some time before Olivia spoke again.

'John,' they all stopped and looked at her although she had eyes only for Munch. 'I won't ever ask you to do anything that you're not willing to do. And I won't ever disregard your gut feeling, but I can't…..' she sighed, 'we can't waste this.'

Rafael finally sat down again and began speaking rapidly but Olivia put up her hand to stop him. 'Rafael, Elliot and I will go to the clearing. If we don't return by the next morning then move and think us dead. We have to play this gamble John, we can't keep hiding in the forest and putting bandages on a wound when we have the chance to prevent the cut in the first place.' Her eyes were beseeching and though Munch was still not persuaded he knew that no amount of talking would stop her from doing this. It was as if the attack on Alex was the last straw and Olivia was now done, she would kill him or she would die, there were no other options.


	37. Under Aspen and Oak

**Hi, I uploaded two chapters in one go to apologise for the long delay. So if you haven't read the return, ch36, please do so.**

 **Thanks for reading and please do review.**

'How are you?'

Alex turned and peered round the trunk. She had retreated down to the opposite side of the stream after washing all the clothes with Amanada and was sitting with her back against an aspen, her legs, back in breeches, pointing up the slope.

'I'm fine.' she said as Olivia sat down on the cold earth and placed her feet, now once again bare, against Alex's and rested back on her hands.

At Olivia's raised eyebrow Alex shrugged. 'It's…. strange.'

'Strange how?' Olivia asked. Although Alex had never been talkative she had become more silent and withdrawn as the days had gone on and Olivia worried that coming back was undoing all the good work of the year before.

Alex frowned slightly as she picked up and began tearing at a leaf that had fallen early. 'It's like down south was a dream almost. A life that I never thought I'd have. Being a person I never thought I could be. Now we're back I'm the Black Cloak again. I guess it's only really just hit that I'll never escape that.'

'I don't see you that way.'

Alex smiled slightly and looked up, 'I know you don't. The others though….'

'They just need time. Let them get to know you.' Olivia knew there was no point in denying the truth in Alex's words. She herself had seen the sideways looks the blonde got and the underlying tense atmosphere there was around the camp even though they had all seen the terrible price she had paid for her past crimes.

'I can't ask them to forget.' The leaf was now forgotten, torn in tiny pieces scattered over Alex's legs. 'I can't forget.'

Olivia shook her head, 'No one is saying forget. But you can forgive Alex. God, you've been punished enough, it's time to turn over to the next page.'

Alex leant her head back against the rough bark, feeling it catch in her hair. She would try, for Olivia, she would try to move on. To let herself be the person she discovered down South. But a part, deep inside her, felt that she could turn as many pages as she wanted but the writing on the other side had seeped through and would stain anything she tried to do. In this forest, amongst these people, part of her would always be the Black Cloak. She was jerked out of her thoughts at the sight of Olivia scooting down the slope. She widened her legs till the brunet sat between them, her legs over the top of Alex's and wrapped around the tree. She was almost sitting in her lap, but not quite.

'You looked a little lost there.' Olivia reached up and pushed back Alex's hair, 'want to tell me?'

Alex smiled at Olivia's touch but shook her head. There was no point in going over the same conversation again, and besides the warmth of Olivia's thighs against her own had driven all thoughts of talking from her head. They had barely had a moment along since returning, let alone an intimate moment. She leant forward and brushed lightly against Olivia's lips, feeling the other woman smile through their kiss. Leaning back she felt a certain smugness at how quickly Olivia's eyes had darkened.

Olivia not content with the quick kiss, their conversation quite forgotten, leant in again and with her head against the bark there was nothing for Alex to do but accept the warm soft lips that touched hers. The kiss started slow, Olivia's hands on the trunk beside Alex, but for all Olivia had planned this to be quiet and small they both moaned as the kiss deepened and their tongues sought entrance to each other's mouths. Her hands began to travel, one to the side of Alex's neck and other to rest lightly against her breast. She shivered when she felt Alex's thumbs press into the hollows between her hips and legs and dance dangerous close to her centre. Their breathing was coming is gasps and Olivia felt her heart stop when Alex's hand slipped inside her breeches. She was almost embarrassed about how wet she already was but still couldn't help grinding her hips against Alex's fingers, her own hand tightening on the breast beneath her palm; feeling the nipple harden even through the leather jerkin Alex wore.

She had to stop the kiss when she felt two of Alex's long fingers slip easily inside, her palm resting heavily against her clit. She couldn't think as she panted in to Alex's neck, all her cognisant functions focused on the heat between her legs that only grew stronger with every hard and quick thrust of her hips. It wasn't long before she felt the tell tail tightening in her belly and floating feeling fill her head. Her thrusts became erratic and Alex felt her wrist might break under the force. She smiled, partly in relief and partly in triumph as Olivia's muscles clenched, pulsing around her fingers. Her smile quickly changed into a gasp of pain however as Olivia bit down on the muscle between her shoulder and neck to try and muffle the noise of her climax.

Without giving her time to come down and get her bearings Alex bent her legs to the side and with her arms supporting Olivia's lower back she propelled them up the slope till she was laying on top of the brunet. By the time Olivia knew where she was again, and to be honest her own name, Alex had pushed her shirt up around her neck and pulled her breeches down to the middle of her calves. The cold autumn air caused goose bumps to litter her skin and that plus the feeling of Alex's warm wet tongue licking at her breasts made her shiver.

For her part, Alex wasn't thinking. She was sick of thinking, sick of this horrible forest, sick of her past, of her future. She let herself go in the moment and revelled in the softness of Olivia's skin. Back in the forest she once again smelled as Alex remembered. The light freshness of Casey's lavender soap that could never really hide the almost damp earth, fresh leaves forest smell, that Alex could never truly describe but she knew as completely Olivia. Although the brunet had already cum hard Alex had no intention of stopping and it was with an almost fevered heat that she sucked at hard brown nipples, making Olivia's back arch off the forest floor. She kissed her way down her stomach, pausing to dip her tongue into Olivia's belly button, and tasted the sharp wetness that her fingers had left on Olivia's hips. She let her tongue run down to the inside of quivering thighs and seeing Alex's head disappear between her legs made Olivia sit up on her elbows. 'Lex?' she said breathlessly. Olivia had been taking things slow, keeping their sex as normal as she could, not wanting to scare the blonde or push her too far, not knowing what her father had done. They had never moved beyond fingers and she hadn't even told her that this was something people did.

Alex barely even heard her, focused as she was. She didn't know if what she was doing was weird or not right, she only knew that the small taste she had just had was not enough. She wanted to know every inch of Olivia, every taste and sensation her body held, no barriers between them. She flicked out her tongue tentatively and brushed the outside of Olivia's glistening lips, feeling hairs lightly tickle and growing in confidence she pushed her tongue in further till her whole mouth was covering Olivia's sex. Inexperienced but enthusiastic she licked every drop of moisture she could find and when her tongue accidently swept over Olivia's clit she heard the other woman curse and a wave of wetness coat her chin. She raised her eyes to find Olivia staring down at her and ran her tongue over the hardened nub again watching as Olivia moaned.

She focused her attention on Olivia's clit, alternating between hard long licks and slight flicks with only the tip of her tongue. Every so often she would dip down again to Oliva's entrance and gather the moisture she found there swirling it around. She never kept at one rhythm for too long, more out of wanting to do everything than actual intent, and in doing so she kept Olivia hovering on the edge, panting and wanting desperately to cum.

After a time Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She reached down and rested her hand lightly on Alex's head. Not enough to keep her there but enough to remind her what she untimely wanted.

'Use your mouth?'

Alex raised her eyes again and was surprised to see how flushed Olivia's chest was and how heavy her breathing had become. She felt she had spent barely any time at all between her legs but obviously that wasn't the case. She thought she was using her mouth but seeing Olivia's breasts above her she thought she knew what she meant.

Olivia let her head drop back when she felt Alex's lip close around her clit and start to lightly suck. She couldn't help it when her hips raised off the floor and Alex wrapped her arms around to support her as the steady rhythm drove her closer and closer to climax. Alex increased the pace and started to suck harder and soon Olivia was shouting out amid the trees.

She felt herself come down from her high as Alex licked her clean and there was stupid grin on her face by the time Alex was once again laid against her body. She pulled the blonde into a deep hard kiss moaned to taste herself on the other woman's lips. Before Alex could say anything Olivia had pushed her up. She straddled her, a confused look on her face as Olivia pulled at her thighs trying to make her move up her body. Alex with some confusion complied and it was only when Olivia untied and pulled down her own breeches that she felt the throbbing in her own sex.

Feeling Alex use her mouth had only served to remind Olivia how much she had wanted to do that to the blonde. She had been wary before but now, surrounded completely by Alex, she couldn't resist. Her limbs still felt shaky and she didn't trust them to support her weight so she deftly manoeuvred her partner, who seemed a little unsure, until her thighs were either side of her head.

Reaching up she ran the flat of her tongue along Alex's slit, hearing blonde gasp and her feeling her thighs widen. Alex hadn't imagined anything could feel so good, she was almost angry that Olivia hadn't suggested they try this before. In her hunger to satisfy Olivia she hadn't realised how wet she was herself, how the small noises that came from Olivia's throat made her throb and although at first she had been worried about hurting her, the fast approach of her climax drove all thoughts but release from her mind. She reached forward and rested her hands on the steep slope and started to ride the tongue that was thrusting inside her, curling and rubbing on the soft spot just inside. She tried to hold back for as long as she could but in the end her whole body shook as her orgasm took hold and Olivia was met with a flood of wetness on her mouth.

Alex rolled away when her breathing had slowed and curled up into Olivia's side. They both adjusted their clothes, feeling the cold air on their overly sensitivities skins, and simply lay staring up into the canopy.

'I love you.' Olivia said. They would talk about the new found technique later.

Alex looked up from where her head was resting on Olivia's shoulder and pressed a kiss to her check. They loved each other. The memories of the forest didn't feel as bad when she remembered that.

* * *

The weather was yet to truly turn when Olivia, Elliot and Rafael left the camp a few days later. Although it was the middle of the night it was still warm enough that they were all sweating in their cloaks. Rafael carried his copy of their contract and they walked in silence for the hours it took them to reach the middle of the forest.

Stopping just short of the clearing, Olivia hoisted herself into a tree and climbed till she could travel from branch to branch and overlook their agreed meeting place.

The oak, it was rumoured was old before humans had even walked this earth and its trunk was so large that two men reaching round on either side would not touch hands. The bark was knarled and had lost its colour years before so it stood grey and weathered. Its large roots, pushing up and breaking through the earth floor prevented any other trees from growing nearby and so a clearing had naturally occurred.

Sat on one of these roots, Olivia saw, was a man. He was dressed in a crimson tunic that fell to his knees and was belted at the waist with gold cloth. His hair was a rather plain brown and hung in curls to his shoulders while his black riding boots shone with dew. His two companions, dressed in similar wealth, one with a lavish fur cloak and the other with rings on every finger, were stood looking bored nearby. Olivia frowned and climbed back down to the others.

'The three of them are there.' she whispered. 'Elliot I want you to hang back, just in case.'

'No I'm coming with you.' He whispered back angrily.

'It might be a trap, I need you to warn the others.'

'If it's a trap I need to be with you!'

They continued back and forth for a while before Olivia realised that it was no use. Elliot's jaw was set in his stubborn way. The three of them proceeded carefully towards the clearing.

'Look our Spanish minstrel has decided to arrive.' The man, more a boy Olivia now thought, rose from the root as they stepped into the light. He had a thin voice that matched his frame.

'Lord Vesci, a pleasure to see you again.' Rafael replied bowing.

'hmmmm' was Vesci's only reply as he looked Olivia up and down, a gleeful look in his eye. 'You never told me she looked like that.'

Olivia didn't say anything as Elliot flexed his muscles beside her.

'Hurry up.' said the man with the fur cloak. It was hard to tell much about him under all that fur but his shoulders looked broad and his voice was deep. He didn't look like a man that someone would argue with and thus they tried to get quickly onto the matter at hand.

'Do you have it?' Olivia asked, as Rafael withdrew their own contract.

'Now all in good time.' Vesci replied smiling sickly, 'I know good Dunmow wants to get home but I think we have time for a little chat?' he sat back down on the root and tilted his head to the side pouting.

Olivia glanced at Elliot but although phrased as one it wasn't really a question. She walked forward and stood a few paces from the tree, but when Vesci patted the root beside him and smiled again she gritted her teeth and sat down.

'I hear you've been quiet a problem over here.'

Olivia remained silent.

'hmmm quiet a problem…. I'm glad you're not in Northumbria.' He said laughing. 'Yes it's reached all over the country how much trouble you've been causing. Maybe I should fear someone might want to copy your….bravery?' He sighed and looked up into the canopy, 'hmmm maybe not. You wouldn't have survived long with us'

Olivia frowned and looked over to Elliot who was being dwarfed by Dunmow but turned back as Vesci took her hand, the leather of his riding gloves cold as he played with her fingers. 'You see,' his grip suddenly got tighter though his smile never wavered, 'my family don't tolerate trouble makers.'


End file.
